Christmas Gift Ideas for Big Families

A woman in a large family group that I follow asked for advice and support about announcing her seventh pregnancy. She said her mother complained about all their kids and how expensive buying gifts for all of them was becoming. Her mother didn't want her having any more children. She actually said gift-giving expense was one reason why.

People with large families have made a lifestyle choice. We have accepted loud cramped homes, hand-me-down clothes (with MASSIVE clothes storage organization by age group), shared bedrooms, and shared toys. We have shrinking kitchen tables, lines at our bathroom doors, and lots, and lots of laundry. I can't speak for everyone, but I'm pretty sure the majority of super-sized families don't expect extravagant, if any, gifts for their children.

When a family grows so large that gifts start to get uncomfortable for the gift-giver I feel very simply people need to either stop gifting or they need to get creative. Both of those are acceptable solutions to the gift giving dilemma. Gift giving should be meaningful and fun. It should be out of true desire to do something for somebody. It shouldn't be forced and it shouldn't be required. I decided to share some ideas on creative gift giving for big groups. This could be for any size family but I had large sized groups especially in mind. Younger kids can be hard to include in some of the outings. For babies or young children a small toy or other younger themed outing may be more appropriate.

Time to get Creative!

Family Dining
Large families tend to eat out less due to cost. Eating out is special! Taking a family out to eat is a fun idea and let's everyone spend some fun time together. Alternately, gift certificates can be given.

Pizza (or Chinese take out) and a Movie at Home
Dinner and some popcorn make such fun movie night evenings!

Movie Theater Outing or Gift Certificates
It's expensive to go to the movies, but some theaters have early morning weekend movies at even deeper discounts than the matinees. Pair this morning outing with a box of donuts and some milk for lots more fun! There are also cheap movie houses that play last months titles for just a few bucks. If you are lucky enough to have an old theater in your area they may be playing old fashioned Christmas movies like It's a Wonderful Life. I saw even local big name theaters had a special showing of Home Alone this month.


Plays and other Shows 
Tickets to a play or other show is a very fun and memorable idea. Most areas offer low cost options to do this. Community plays are often lower in cost than bigger traveling shows. High school or college plays can be a great resource too. Taking advantage of matinee performances can be a big money saver. Around the holidays there is usually something for everyone if you just check your cities events. If needed, different aged kids could attend different shows. Magic shows, children's musicians, and other local talent could also be explored!

A Christmas Pageant
Know of an old fashioned Christmas Pageant being held? Or, what about a living nativity event with real animals? These yearly events are often held at churches and are usually free for the community. Take the special people in your life to an event like this and then top off the evening with a ice cream or some other special thing. I know one church that serves hamburgers, hot dogs, and hot cocoa for free at their living nativity!  

Advent Calendar Tradition
Every year my cousin Michelle mails our kids advent calendars. Over the years we have had five, six, seven... and now this year makes nine calendars mailed to us -one for every child (and now an adult child, too). This is a very fun family tradition and one that is very thoughtful. We open them all together at 6:30 pm each night. It's a huge, loved, sweet tradition and gift. Look at their faces! They will never forget this at Christmas time!

December 1, 2016

Rec Center Passes or Membership
Swimming passes for indoor winter-time sessions, or a family pool pass to use in the coming summer months are great gifts! My Grandma Smith sent the kids some Christmas money a few years ago and we all spent some of it to buy a six month family membership to the YMCA.

Children's Museum or other Family Membership
Memberships are often a great value for large families. It's often cheaper for us to just get a membership than to pay admission for 8-11 people. Our children's museum (where there is something for all ages) would cost over $100 for us to get in one time, or we can get a yearly membership for as low as $80 and use it all year long.

Skating, Ice Skating, laser tag, indoor rock climbing, indoor trampoline park... or any other other indoor place
These types of places are all great outings for a group. For the most they part can cover a wide age range. All of these places usually have gift certificates. Mini-golf and paint ball are largely outdoor activities, but they still make good gifts and can be used when the weather warms up! 

Games
We love family game gifts and have gotten many over the years! Most big families can be covered age-wise with just two various aged board games.

Family Hobby Ideas or Seasonal Ideas
A family that camps might enjoy some new gear or supplies like tents, lanterns, sleeping bags, and so on. A family that fishes might enjoy some new fishing supplies. Think of how the family enjoys their free time and consider gifts that may be useful and enjoyed by them together. Wintertime ideas might include sleds or other snow play items. A hammock , all ages tree swing, or moveable outdoor fire pit are fun ideas. We have this platform swing, it's amazing and holds 250 lbs!

Art Supplies
A great group gift than can reach all ages. Ideas: crayons, markers, gel pens, paper, tracing paper, googly eyes, yarn, small canvas, paint, paint brushes, scissors, pencils, erasers, a pencil sharpener (we go through electric ones like crazy!!), pens, rulers, stencils, and drawing books. (Draw-Write-Now are such cute, fun, and educational books.)

Blankets
I've had a few family members gift us blankets over the years. Some have been bought and some handmade. I have kept nearly every blanket ever given to us dating back YEARS ago. In fact, I got a unicorn blanket from one of my mom's sisters when I was eight years old and I still have it. Blankets are very personal, cozy, thoughtful gifts. My step-mom Kathie made us all Christmas gift blankets a few years ago (and hats and scarves another year!) and we all still use every single one. In fact, Everett's covered up with one such blanket right now. Over a decade ago Kathie gifted the kids fleece blankets and most of them are still around here. Blankets do not have to be specially made or expensive either. Walmart sells soft fleece blankets for $5.00 or less every year around Christmas time! This year they had huge ones too (adult size) for only $7 and they seemed really nice! Blankets are great gifts. (My mom made two baby blankets for Madeline, my friend Beth made a beautiful blanket for Everett when he was a baby. My cousin Michelle made us a tie blanket for Penelope, and my friend Karen made a tiny newborn blanket for Everett when I was pregnant with him. I have them all!)

Pajamas for everyone
PJ's, like blankets, are good gifts.

A Box of Fun and Umbrellas Make a great Gift
My sister, Christy, sent the kids a bunch of games to share along with sunglasses and umbrellas for the whole family! Umbrellas for everyone?! What a FUN gift!

December 2015

Throw a Gingerbread (Graham Cracker) House Decorating Party or a Hot Cocoa Bar party
This is a fun way to spend time with loved ones, and a fairly cheap activity! Could turn into a fun tradition, too. 

Paint Your Own Pottery
At many paint your own pottery places you get free studio time if your group is a party of 10 or more people. You just buy your pottery pieces and the studio time/glaze is free. We did this one year with the kids. We brought food trays and drinks and had a ball in the private party room! Most pottery pieces start around $5.00 and go up from there. We actually used Christmas gift money from family to help fund our pottery party! I blogged about it over here.

Light Display Outing.
Almost every area has a drive through light display within driving distance. We have one that has great Groupon deals every year too. We take our whole family loaded in the passenger van and not only do we get admission to drive through, but we get a 8x10 printed picture taken with Santa too. All for under $20.00. (Price is normally just over $40.00, which isn't that bad either for a huge group outing.) Something similar would make a great festive gift!

Gourmet Apples or Toffee (or other gift basket of goodies, Sherries Berries, fruit arrangement, Etc.)
Ricky's parents have sent us many lovely baskets, popcorn, and fruit over the years and it is always the best time! It's such a great big family gift idea! We huddle around the kitchen savoring and enjoying, talking and having a ball together! Last year they sent us this Toffee. They are not kidding when they say it's the best toffee on the planet. You have NO IDEA. We had the most fun devouring it! It's made by a small family-run business. Another best ever: Aunt Sharon sent us Mrs. Prindable's Apples  HOW can these apples be that delicious? They are so fantastic. These are all such fun group gifts to get! Not to mention perfect for people who really don't need more "stuff."

Build A Bear
Build A Bear is such a fun family gift idea. If necessary, this could also work for the young kids while the older ones do a different outing. Ricky's parents did this for the kids one year and it was SO much fun!

Magazines
Magazines are great gift. Ricky's Grandma, Meme Goode, gifted us with Country Magazine for years and we adored it. It was full of beautiful pictures and stories from long ago. We loved it.  Grandma Smith has gifted our kids with years of Ranger Rick Magazines and we still have most of them. They now get National Geographic for kids from her. It's really a neat magazine that spans many ages! Here's a picture of Layla reading it to the kids at bedtime one night.

New Moon, American Girl, and anything from the Cricket Publishing Company are great magazines to check out as well. Cricket has magazines for all ages and are ad free. I can't even begin to tell you how great their publications are!

Something to remember: Gifts Often Keep on Giving in Large Families
When gift giving to a large family most of the time one gift lasts for many, many years, because it can be enjoyed by so many other children later. Nobody knew that when Ricky's sister gifted this adorable coat from Baby Gap to Layla that we'd be putting it on Madeline 11 years later! Now that's a lasting gift!

Remember it's not the gift, it's the love behind the gift!!! Gifts come in all shapes, sizes, and can just be in the form of time spent together! 

Merry Christmas!!!

Thanksgiving 2016

I stood sobbing over two bowls of marshmallow salad. It started with just two tears streaming down my face but by the time I was folding whipped topping into the fluffy marshmallows and fruit I was sobbing. Making Thanksgiving dinner is a joy to me but the stress of October lingered and Thanksgiving was starting to feel like another thing I had to do. I just wanted a shower. The kids had been wild and restless for weeks. Madeline had also been a monkey for weeks. She's so wild!
Minutes before the tears fell I yelled at Ricky for basically nothing. He irritated me about something dumb and I got snappy. He told me he wasn't going to hang out in the kitchen with me if I was going to yell at him. So then I did yell at him, "I'm not yelling at you, THIS is yelling at you!" I was feeling tired (it was nearing midnight) and I was so grumpy. (Or at this point totally pissed off.) I continued on, "And don't be in the kitchen then! I don't care because "everything's" ruined now anyway."

Sigh. Stress. Sad face.

I had a hard week, and when I really think about it, this has also been a bit of a hard year for various reasons that I don't want to spell out.

Madeline has been so demanding this week and really this month. She is into everything. All day long we chase her around. She also chases me around wanting to be held. She is very needy but so very sweet. She's not a hard baby in actuality, but she keeps us very busy. This week she's been pulling cans out of the cupboard. She's wrapped the vacuum cord around her neck. She also just wants to tear massive amounts of stuff up. She's constantly wiggling from her high chair and then standing up in her high chair. When you get her down she just climbs up the kitchen chairs and the kitchen table. She falls off the chairs regularly and yesterday she fell off the table. She basically landed head first on the wood floor. I was running over to her when it happened. In almost slow motion, before I could reach her, there she toppled feet over her head just as she peeked over the edge of the table in a squat. Insane child! Most people, the kind without nine kids, probably would have rushed their child to the hospital. After only a few minutes of crying and nursing and then a half hour of playing I gave mine a car ride to make her fall asleep.I have no idea why she STILL climbs up chairs. She falls of them frequently. Kids are amazing and resilient. The human species in general is too. Also, genetics. Ricky's head and his children's heads are like bricks! I've never seen anything like it. One time Beatrice fell out of the van while we were loading it up. She was around two and I was right next to her. She talked in full paragraphs very young and insisted I did NOT have to help her up! She toppled out on her head. She still has an actual dent on her head from it. That actually scared me very badly. The sound of head hitting black top is horrid. She was totally fine. Her head dented though! Their skulls are all part metal or brick, I'm sure of it.

Picture from December 2016 (which hasn't even happened yet because this is a NOVEMBER 2016 post, remember. lol) See, told you. She's nuts. She tries to run down the slide.

You know when someone's kid gets hurt or dies from drowning, or an equally horrible thing, and everyone lashes out at the parents and calls them the worst ever? The holier than thou parents (and grandparents) come out in hoards on online comment sections preaching about how they never take their eyes off their kids ever, and this would never happen to them. Yeah whatever. Parenting is hard and kids do stuff. Not only do accidents happen, but sometimes you have these really freaking crazy kids (like Everett the bull riding fire fighter and adventurous Madeline especially) and nearly every time you turn around they are being totally insane.

So, Thanksgiving...
I sobbed while folding the marshmallows and fruit together. The small gluten free pizza I was baking for us as a late dinner was done. I cut it and solemnly brought Ricky half. He ate quietly in the dark bedroom while he finished watching TV. Afterwards he came in the kitchen and asked me if I wanted help. I had stopped crying but started again as I blurted out, "I'm so sorry I was mean to you." Tears. Lots of tears fell as big man arms wrapped all the way around my sobbing body. He's the best. This is marriage, the raw stuff. The I'd do anything for you no matter what stuff. The best stuff: like bringing your husband pizza because he needs to eat even if you are snappy and annoyed, or offering help and giving bear hugs to your wife even when she was being the mean one. No grudges or grievances to be had.

"For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish..."

Does anyone really think about what "for worse" means? I didn't really. I always just assumed it meant during hard times or illness --pretty similar to the 'poorer' and 'in sickness' thing actually. Turns out it probably means more like when your partner is suddenly a grouchy jerk to you and you show them grace and humility. When we show our worst sides we need to still work towards loving and cherishing each other. (Note: This should not extend itself into abuse.)

He forgave me. He apologized. (He didn't need to.) I cried. I felt better. Release.

We finished making marshmallow salad, jello, stuffing, and pumpkin pie together until our eyes were drooping closed. We had a nice Thanksgiving. I'm always thankful for him and for who we are together. We truly bring out the best in each other.

1 year ago~ Newborn Madeline

I was pretty busy, but I finally got my shower at 2pm Thanksgiving day after everything was almost ready. I told my family that no one eats until I shower!  Barely squeezed that in!

I was very pleased with my braided pie crusts! I LOVE making homemade pie.

 We played Pie Face (kids loved it!) and ate and ate and ate.

We all ate around the kitchen table. Big family life!

Reminds me of this gem of a movie, Cheaper By the Dozen

And that's a wrap! My calendar is cleared. I am looking forward to hibernation time. Usually in the winter we stay in a lot. We hunker down like bears. So very thankful for that.

Kid Snippets: 

November 10th
Bea (3) was looking closely at the bushes and flowers outside the library....
Bea: "Mom are these flowers all out of bees?"
Me: That's so cute Bea. You know so much stuff, like how flowers are supposed to have bees on them.
Bea: Yeah cause I know everything! Just like I know about doggies in the road and old leaves and bees in flowers! Cause I am sooo big and sooo smart, too.

And so cute too! She is great. (I have no idea what doggies in the road meant! I love it though!) Picture below is outside of the library next to the flowers. Bea decided to crawl through the bike racks, Penelope is following.

Always stop to smell the flowers...and crawl through make-shift tunnels

November 7
Bea (3) a few minutes ago at 4-freaking-am...
Bea: Mom, is it almost Christmas?
Me: No honey, not yet.
Bea: Mom is it almost Christmas?
Me: No, it's almost Thanksgiving.
Bea: Mom, is it almost Christmas?
Me: No!
Bea: Mom, is it almost Christmas?
Me: Bea, NO! You've asked me four times!! Stop asking!
Bea says nothing for 10 minutes, then she says, "Mom, I talk a lot when I talk."

(Oh goodness, I LOVE HER!)

November 3
“The most effective kind of education is that a child should play amongst lovely things.” –Plato

November 28 

Everett age (6) loves to try to cook things in front of the space heater in the kitchen. "I want perfect ham" he tells me quite seriously as he places lunch meat in front of the heater.  It actually cooked to my surprise! He was thrilled. He's been obsessed with freezing things for years. It's actually comical. If he has two cookies he'll freeze one. He freezes milk and all kinds of things. It drives me crazy but it is also super adorable and interesting how much he loves freezing things. Now he has taken a fancy with the space heater. 

Last summer he kept trying to freeze our blackberries from our bushes. We didn't have enough to freeze though! We wanted to eat them fresh. If I wanted frozen blackberries I would buy some from Costco. He would beat us to the bushes sometimes and we'd go crazy because he'd have the ripe ones frozen already without us knowing. It's pretty hilarious even though we were also not happy he was doing it. He LOVES freezing stuff to see how it changes.

Her Name is Madeline

Born at home October 28, 2015 at 11:31 pm 7 lbs 1 oz  18.5 inches long, Baby Madeline joined our family

Charlotte (19) drew me the above picture and I absolutely LOVE it with all my heart. It's so SWEET! It's our family drawn in the style of this page in the 1939 original story of Madeline:

Page from Ludwig Bemelman's book Madeline

It's not Madelyn, It's Madeline (Mad-ah-line). Like the little girl in the books.

Instantly I'm transformed into whoever I need to be for her. Late nights, early mornings, patting, rocking, swaying, humming, food on demand...a sore back.  I'll do anything for her. Anything at all. 

Ricky wanted the name Madeline at least three kids ago. I loved the name but shied away from it repeatedly because of the spelling and pronunciation confusion of Madelyn and Madeline. I never wanted to name a child something that would have to be corrected all of the time.

When Beatrice was born the kids and I pushed for the name Beatrice. We wanted our little "Baby Bee." It just fit her and the sunny June week she was born. I always liked the name Joy, because my children bring me so much Joy, but Ricky doesn't like it.  I loved the name Beatrice even more when I learned it meant bringer of joy and many blessings. That just fit so perfectly for how I feel about my children and motherhood. None of us can imagine her being anyone else. She is a vibrant free spirited, talkative, happy, joyful baby and child...with a gaggle of sunny / bee themed nicknames too. Ricky of course also loves Beatrice's name, but I clearly remember and will never forget Ricky saying that we could name her Beatrice but the next baby WILL BE Madeline. I even remember where he was standing outside and how he said it. I promised him Madeline. I could tell he was slightly disappointed that the kids wouldn't give up on Beatrice. I finally caved but couldn't talk Penelope into changing Beatrice's name to Madeline. She would have sobbed. And I'm so glad we kept Bea! It all worked out for the better. Beatrice fits our little Bea so wonderfully and Madeline SO fits our new baby! I really love saying it and it came to us all really naturally to call her Madeline. We however do not have a middle name yet. We have ideas but we need to see what feels right, and if something else jumps out to us. Even though we named this baby girl Madeline years ago we still tried out the name for over a week before announcing it officially. Beatrice called her Madeline for the first time a couple days ago and it was so precious. The trial period is over: we adore our baby Madeline.

Everett (5)  is still devoted to the name Blueberry. I told him that is fine. I asked Ricky about naming her Madeline Blueberry. He said no. Penelope and Aunt Sharon love it though. :)
Here's the funny conversation I had with Layla:
Layla (11): You can't name her middle name BLUEBERRY!
Me: Why not? Just imagine this sweet little girl with a basket in the woods or a meadow...she's picking wild flowers and her name is Madeline Blueberry...it's SO PRETTY.
Layla: Eh, that's not real life Mom.

Hahahaha

And for the record: I see our very own Penelope Juliet happily frolicking and picking tomatoes, strawberries, flowers, and plantain all summer long in her prairie dress and bonnet and she is just darling. So there. Real life. :)

Nicknames
Most of the time when we name our children something that's the name we want to use exclusively. The exception is Bea. We knew we would call her Bea and Beatrice. We were asked about Penny as a nickname for Penelope. It never crossed our mind. We named her Penelope. Penelope is called Nellie within our family but it's a casually used family nickname (given to her totally by Layla when Layla was three because she couldn't say Penelope very well). Near 99% of the time we all call her Penelope. To our surprise we were asked what Sebastian would go by when we named him. Well, he will go by Sebastian of course! The same happened with Charlotte. People asked if she would go by Charlie or Lottie. Um no. Charlotte is her name! We spend way too much time naming our babies to call them something other than what we actually name them. So no nicknames for Madeline, please.

We love her like this.

Penelope (9) and Beatrice (2) with baby Madeline (7 days)

New Baby Number Nine!

 Our New Baby! 

October 28, 2015 11:21pm 7lbs 1oz

(Am I good at these gender prediction dreams or what!?)

 

Day 1 October 29, 2015
We have a small cold floating around the house (no fevers thank goodness). Ricky's every bit as exhausted as me but with a sinus headache. The timing is not ideal, but we are all still in love and enjoying her every moment. You never, ever get that first newborn day back! Everyone age 11 and under woke up last night at some point and saw the baby and couldn't get back to sleep. We were up and down all night with various kids and a newborn. The various reactions of the kids were amazing and great. I will write about that with the birth story. The new baby fussed a lot last night and seemed uncomfortable her first eight hours. She nursed okay but got the real hang of it during the day. It's always  a marvel that they know what to do, or at least what to try to do in order to latch on. She loved being skin to skin with both mom and dad; she didn't really settle down until we put her on our bare chests as we took turns with her. I had her partly skin to skin, but once I took the blanket off her completely she was much happier. After she was about eight hours old she was super cozy, happy, nursing and sleeping/ waking in perfect intervals, and calm. She likes to swaddle in a loose wrap but gets too warm easily and wants her hands near her chin and face most of the time. I knew her hands were by her face in the womb. I could feel them constantly and I kept feeling that her head was probably not in an optimal position either. Her labor and birth proved I was right, it was okay but certainly not super optimal/easy. I love learning about new babies! You know so much so quickly about them. Just a day old and I know so much about her preferences already. People are such unique individuals, and babies are people too!

I had a good nap during the day today and I have been good about not being on my feet for more than 30 min at a time. I am trying a 2-3 hr break for every 30 min that I get up and about. I have been sore, a bit more than usual, mostly in a crampy way. I have felt like a postpartum woman more this time around. All births and postpartum experiences are different! I feel a bit like a new mother this time. I find myself wondering how new moms do it. I have done this before, I know what to do, what is coming, what I can expect. So in those aspects it is easier. I am currently feeling aware and in awe at mothers in general... what we do and how we do it. Having a toddler and a newborn again is so life changing...but I've done it many, many times. I suddenly can't imagine being a new and less experienced mom and feeling this tired, this stretched to her limit, all while healing, and going through all the changes in general. So overlooked are the little things that can wear on you greatly: getting up during the night, changing the newborn, using the bathroom/ changing your pad, dealing with pain, cleaning up soiled blankets, sheets, pajamas, and all while juggling a waking toddler and nursing a newborn. It can be so exhausting. (Even with the help from my supportive husband.) New moms are so amazing. Nursing can be hard, juggling toddlers and other kids can be hard, the lack of sleep can be hard, the healing can be hard (c section moms are heroes). I'm finding myself in awe at women who embark on this brave and selfless journey. How ever do we do it? We are so amazing!

After writing the above I saved the draft for later and opened up an enchanting book of poetry my friend wrote called Earthprayer, Birthprayer, Lifeprayer, Womanprayer. So fittingly this was the first poem I randomly opened to:

Prayer for Mothers 

The world needs you.

Sing your strengths,

dance your passions,

smile your successes.

Hug yourself with compassion

for your painful moments.

Take a second to drink it up

and to rest in powerful certainty

that you are enough.

Breathe out,

breathe in,

soft shoulders,

soft belly,

strong legs,

strong woman.

A mother who is seen,

who is heard,

who is appreciated,

who is valued.

In and out.

Mama, you’re amazing

 

I gave my family my usual 'I just had a baby' postpartum talk last night. This is where I explain just how important rest and help is for a new mom and how it could make ALL the difference with healing and breastfeeding, not to mention a happy and stable mother and baby unit. I also explained the placental site that is healing in my body and why rest and relaxation aids in healing and less blood loss. (At least the over six or seven year old crowd listens to me. Toddlers and preschoolers still act themselves lol.) Also, this is a good lesson in mothering biology!

I found myself in frustration over Everett's wildness several times. (Newly 5 years old...he can be intense, wild, not listen... you know, be a young kid.) After pleading with him to listen to me I finally told him that I had a baby come out of my vagina so he has to be nice to me so I can heal. I should really have a recording of the bizarre and hilarious things I tell my children. People tell me my older kids are such nice kids/teens, but perhaps they just know and fear that I'll say blunt stuff to them if they aren't good. Like, "Be nice to me, I just had a baby come out of my vagina." Hahaha. It worked though. He asked me about the baby coming out and I talked to him about it. For a moment it did get his attention and work.

We are recovering from a very, very busy fall season, a cold, and childbirth... I am focused on keeping our first few days as calm as possible. Not easy to do right now. Later on in the evening Everett cried and had a 30 min bedtime meltdown. He was over exhausted. This week is not how I imagined it at all! I am reminded so well right now that life is what happens when you are busy making plans! I was crazy busy and then bam baby came. I actually started to feel I wasn't going to make it until 40 weeks on Tuesday. Then by Wednesday night I had Ricky come home from work around 5:30 (instead of working late) because I felt like I did when Bea was born in 30 minutes. (A heavy, low baby head and super low, tight cervical contractions that felt super progressive.) We got all the kids to bed by 7:30 and I held off active labor (I think by sheer will power to get the kids ASLEEP lol) until around then. Things really picked up once they were asleep and I had her at 11:21pm. I'll type up her whole official story soon.

We'll give out more baby details soon in general. We like to get to know our babies before we name them. I'm always afraid we will change our minds and then have to tell everyone we changed it. We don't file a birth certificate right away, so we have a looong while to decide. The earliest we filed a birth certificate is two months and the latest 10 months. 

First night with baby. He is actually falling asleep sitting up with the baby. We were so tired! Dads deserve credit and love too, care-giving for mom and kids is hard work too.

Day 2 Morning October 30th 2015
What a difference a day makes. Ricky is feeling better and I am too. I am getting around comfortably and despite another long night of newborn fussing and Bea going to bed too late I feel pretty good. I know I still need to take it easy, but it was nice to move around this morning without cramping or feeling so wrung out. Beatrice is having fun but she is adjusting too. She misses my round belly and even told me to get it back. I thought this was going to happen. When she is tired she wants her daddy to hold the baby and not me. And she wants me back with the baby belly she loved to snuggle against... it's an adjustment. She is enjoying the baby though and is super cute telling her that she loves her so much! We have never had a toddler miss me so much as I cared for such a new baby, and this is only day two! Beatrice is a very sweet girl with a larger than life personality and her and I are close. She also gets loads of attention and love from everyone in the house.  I know we'll all get through this quickly. We must learn new routines and that's hard for every single one of us. The giant toddler morph has also occurred. Every day this past couple months Bea truly looked bigger and bigger to me, but it's nothing like when the newborn actually arrives! Giant Bea is here... she is just so heavy and big now. Since she is super articulate, bright, and verbal for her age it makes her seem all the older!

This little new baby has a mighty, mighty, wailing, screeching cry. Beatrice never cried so this is different. We seriously never heard Bea cry hardly ever at all! She would whimper and then get her needs met and she never cried. This little one is a screamer if we are not careful! She settles down fairly easily though. I am in awe at how loud this baby can get in no time at all. This may make night time a real challenge to keep Beatrice asleep if her baby sissy is a screamer! Today we used a swaddle me blanket on the new baby and it really helped settle her after nothing else worked. Beatrice loved them when she was a baby. I really believe the first few days or weeks sets the tone for the baby, so Ricky and I are trying to keep all the calm in the house we can! One really, really hard thing is that the baby wants to be held up, not really laying down with me. So the whole 'rest with baby' thing is non existent. She doesn't want me resting with her. She wants me sitting upright or walking with her. Little stinker. I think once milk comes in fully she will relax a lot. I think that is what she is waiting for. She is nursing like a champ and for hours on each side at a time. I am staying hydrated and eating lots of good food.  

Just now said in cute curious voice tones between the 5 and 2 year old as Beatrice is holding the baby:
Everett: Is the baby two yet?
Beatrice: Not yet!

Oh! And speaking of Everett, he does call the baby Blueberry. It is totally the name he chose and he continues to stick with! It's really cute. I was in bed with her when he tried to get into bed with us at 4am. When he saw I was holding a baby his tired eyes adjusted in the shadowy bedroom and I could see his bright blue eyes light up like stars. He smiled so huge and exclaimed in a quiet, surprised voice, "Blueberry is here!? Oh blueberry you came out!"  I told him that she was a girl and he was really happy she was a girl.

So much love ...

All Things With Faith and Love

When we were expecting baby Penelope (kiddo #5) Ricky was accepted into an intensive graduate program for finance at Washington University.

When we were expecting baby Sebastian Ricky graduated from the intensive graduate program and got his first job using his degree.

When we were expecting baby Everett Ricky changed jobs within the firm he worked for. He earned himself a position that was more fitting for him (but still not exactly what fit him best.) His new boss, who had six kids of his own, helped Ricky with his career in ways that we will always be truly thankful. He helped introduce him to people and recommend him to another department because he wanted to see Ricky use his full potential.

When we were expecting Baby Beatrice another job opportunity came along. Remarkably, his next new boss also had a large family...seven kids. Very fun to meet so many others with a large families.

We have joked that good things happen to us when we have babies. We have joked off and on over the years that we should just have another baby so he can further his career. We joked, and not really joked, because it is true. It kept happening. Remarkable things happen to us when we have babies. We grow as a family, as a couple, as parents, and in other ways. Everything aligns: faith, luck, hard work...it all seems to come together. As we began our journey to large family living I often heard other very large families with 10, 12, 14 kids say that God always provides. Over the years I started to understand what they meant.

We are expecting a new baby this fall, the ninth blessing to join our home and lives, and Ricky is yet AGAIN going through a transformational period in his life related to his career. Staying within same firm that has been such a blessing to our lives, he recently had an amazing career opportunity. He starts his "new" job today. He gives 100% of himself at work and 100% of himself to us at home and I am so very thankful every single day of my life for such a passionate and hardworking man. I love him so much and know how much he loves us because he shows me everyday. I am truly blessed. I hope the children read this someday and know that their mother and father truly do support, love, honor, and cherish each other everyday. I hope Ricky reads this and knows that I know how hard he works, and that he does it for us, and that I am grateful for his dedication. Some people have told me that we make having so many kids look easy. I know what they mean, because so often Ricky makes taking care of us look easy too. It's not so much that it's easy. He works very hard. I of course work very hard too. We both get worn down, we get stressed, we get tired...really tired. I suddenly realized one day that it's not that it's easy, it's that we do all things with faith and love.

The Mother's Day Cards Are Lost

I bought cards for many mothers: my mother, other people's mothers, and especially my sister who is a brand new mother. I bought a card for my Aunt Sharon who is like a mother to me and grandmother to my children. I bought cute cards, funny cards, sweet cards. I bought cards to say all kinds of lovely thoughtful words. I bought them all early so I wouldn't run out of time. I told Ricky to buy his mom one early too. They were in a bag and the bag floated between my purse, the kitchen counter, and then my purse again. I looked for the book of stamps to mail them over a week ago, but the stamps were missing. No one knows who lost my stamps...but I'm sure it wasn't me. So back in the purse the cards went. So much for mailing early. Eventually I found one stamp in all of the house and it went on an envelope as I frantically mailed the kids' summer camp registrations...the exact day the registration was due. Made it in the mailbox one hour before the mailman came.

So, back in the purse the cards went, then in the car, and finally somehow for some reason they laid on the back porch table. They were shuffled onto a picnic table outside near our driveway when we cleaned the porch...then they disappeared somehow. In all the chaos of cleaning and painting our nearly dilapidated porch I lost the cards. In all the hardship of leaky septic systems, new plumbing being installed and other service workers coming over, I lost them. In and out of all the busy days juggling kids to events, preschool, grocery shopping (at a store that doesn't sell stamps), cooking dinner for an army, homeschooling, and emergency dental visits, I lost them. Like all hardworking moms, life revolves around kids and not much else.

I have no stamps, no cards, no time. I have happy kids with sticky fingers and fixed teeth. I have a lot of stress, a ton of love, some tears, much laughter, lots of hope, a bit of  insanity, glimpses of peace, too much laundry, and a circle of vibrant women dear to me who would understand all of it because they are moms.

I love you moms! I really do. My birth one, my aunt one, my grandmother ones, my in law one, my  my sister one, my friend ones. I love you all for doing and being the best you can for your kids and families during the best and worst of times. It's not easy. And we keep marching on, and we keep loving on, and we keep our children's hands on our hearts.

I love you circle of moms. Cards or no cards.

Mothers change the world through children

It's Ethan's Birthday

Ethan is 14 today!

Ethan is a quiet, happy kid who is sensitive and thoughtful…so very thoughtful. Ethan is kind and willing to lend a hand. He's sometimes absent minded when it comes to chores or 'the order of things' but he isn't easily sidetracked once he gets going. I've learned to think his absent mindedness is cute. One thing that's hard when you are a parent is realizing these kids won't always be the people they are right now. They'll grow, they'll change...they'll bloom into new people. So when Ethan does silly things like takes the trash bag from the kitchen out all the way to the curb because that's where the cans are, but doesn't bring the trash cans up even though the garbage man has clearly already been here, I try not to point out his flaw. I simply, later on, ask him to bring the trash cans up now -which is his normal routine and job anyway. He usually realizes on his own (’Duh, I should have done that earlier!'). I've learned getting frustrated at kids doesn't make them learn. Repetition and/or maturity help them to learn, nagging and complaining can turn into belittling and harm them socially and emotionally. I get the same result as if I nag or complain as if I just ignore the mistakes and just ask nonchalantly about it later. Thank you God for letting me learn this before my first set of teenagers are grown. I want to be a patient mom. There have been times that I nagged them all to near death -no more though.

So, Ethan is 14 and we went out to lunch for his birthday. We had a great time and I asked him what he knows in his 14 years and he said, "That I like turtles." And Sage replied, "Turtles are cool, they take their house with them."

I want Ethan to know he's a sweet and sensitive kid who is kind. I want him to know that I see that he tries really hard and I see it in everything he does. Ethan is so kind that he holds anger or upsets inside of him as long as he can until he's so upset he explodes into tears. I tell him he should try to not do that. He should speak his mind and not let himself get to the boil over point. I hope I'm able to help him with that. We don't want anyone taking advantage of him, and he will let people. As parents we have to teach him this about himself so that he can learn and watch out for it, especially as an adult.

He likes reading and drawing and he's an amazing independent worker. He gets his school work done eagerly. I love his writing! I ask the kids to keep journals and his is always a joy to read. He's got a great imagination and his writing keeps getting better and better, I wonder if he'd ever like to be a writer...

Ethan can do flips on the trampoline, which impresses me. He goes to bed early and wakes up early. He self regulates well, accept for the not speaking his mind part. He likes TV and video games but plays and then moves on to another thing. He loves science, dinosaurs, history, and animals. He loves our animals; he's attached to them in ways I often don't realize. If the dogs get out he worries about them, where I'm the one saying ...oh they'll come back the little jerks! Ethan and Sage chase down the dogs and bring ‘em on home. I appreciate it a lot.

Ethan is a hard worker; he's got his Dad and Grandpa in him for sure. Two amazing, hardworking, loyal, and wonderful men. Not unlike his Dad and Grandpa he'll sit back and watch others, smiling and laughing in enjoyment at his family. He's witty and fun and I love the looks he gives me when I'm being silly and weird. We have a lot of fun being weird at our house.

He gives to the kids and helps them a lot. He played for hours on the trampoline with Penelope (7), Sebastian (5) and Everett (3). He's still got that kid brain -the child-born ability to see the magic in everything and pretend for hours ...and play like a child. It's a blessing for him to be a homeschooler, he doesn't have to grow up. Not yet. Not too soon. He's a blessing to all of us.

I love you Ethan.

Days Go By, Family, & How Nurturing Children and Their Experiences Might Alter Family DNA

I can't seem to get everything written that I want to, not even close, not even a little bit.

Days are filled with laughter and craziness. Days are filled with hilarious children and also screaming children. Days are filled with fun and also hard work. Days are filled with stress and also peace. Days are filled with boredom and excitement, laundry, and an army of hungry kids. Days and nights are filled with nursing a hungry, sweet, bright eyed baby. (I'm in total awe of her and I smell and kiss her all of the time. It's as if I've never had a baby before. I just look at her totally amazed she came from *us.*) Days are filled with temper tantrums --both mine and the kids'. Days are filled with appreciation for many blessings, and days are filled with too much to do.

I wish I could remember all of the things I wanted to write over this past week...or three. But I at least remember laughter and silliness, I remember hilarious kids, I remember family time, I remember Penelope's excitement and fabulous joy as she discovered she can touch the pool bottom now --and swim without floaties. I remember a lot of love and friendship between family. I remember thinking to myself...it's always been this way in my life, whether I knew it at the time or not. What a blessing.

I remember wanting to write about the simple lovely images I tried hard to burn into my mind last week... my grandma cutting watermelon, my aunt who made cupcakes for the kids to decorate, the kids playing games, the refreshing swimming pool, Aunt Sharon cooking up a storm, Aunt Holly's wit, good company and helpfulness, Echo's helpful and friendly presence. We look forward to July every year. I want to hold onto those memories because the years seem to roll on too fast and it scares me.

As I watched the kids playing and visiting with family I looked on and carefully listened as our aunts, uncles, and grandma talked and played with the kids. Even the youngest ones are allowed to help cook and water plants when they ask. I notice they bring the kids along to feed the hummingbirds or let them have the hose to water plants and many other things. The children are included so much in everything we all do. It was this moment I realized that I was destined to be a good mother, I didn't know it at age 7 or 12 or 16 ... but I was destined to be a loving person, and I was destined to be happy. I believe it is because of my family. When children are shown love and joy they carry it with them.

Including the youngest kids in the simplest things, talking to them, and spending time with them teaches an important lesson: be kind to children. I notice that when I'm stressed, short tempered, or angry at the younger kids in our household the older kids act that way to them too. When I'm calm,  respectful, patient and sensitive to them and I treat them like the innocent small human beings that they are the older kids act the same.

I watch the whole cycle start again as Charlotte (16) patiently takes Everett (2) with her to gather eggs and feed the chickens. My Aunt Sharon used to take me to feed my Grandma's chickens at that age.

Charlotte lets Penelope 'be on her team to play 'big kid games' even though it takes longer and Penelope might make “wrong” choices. Penelope feels special and has so much fun. Sage and Ethan also include the younger kids in far more things and are far more patient than I could have imagined.

I vividly remember being on grown up 'teams' when I was young, even when the game didn't require teams. It's one of the nicest and inclusive things you can do for a child; make them feel important and equal and 'big.' I didn't tell her to include Penelope, she just did. It's just what you do in a family: include, love, enjoy. I'm lucky to have had a long line of nurturing family members with various talents, interests, hobbies...all with a wild and wacky sense of humor and love of children.

Then I look at my husband: patient and nurturing, kind and honest. He's hardworking, humble and unselfish. Just like his parents.

 As I wrote this blog post this fascinating article came across my desk "Grandma's Experiences Leave a Mark on Your Genes" 
I'll be sharing it with my children. We tell them all the time how various things we do can help or hurt babies and kids.

According to the new insights of behavioral epigenetics, traumatic experiences in our past, or in our recent ancestors’ past, leave molecular scars adhering to our DNA. Jews whose great-grandparents were chased from their Russian shtetls; Chinese whose grandparents lived through the ravages of the Cultural Revolution; young immigrants from Africa whose parents survived massacres; adults of every ethnicity who grew up with alcoholic or abusive parents — all carry with them more than just memories. 

"...our experiences, and those of our forebears, are never gone, even if they have been forgotten. They become a part of us, a molecular residue holding fast to our genetic scaffolding. The DNA remains the same, but psychological and behavioral tendencies are inherited. You might have inherited not just your grandmother’s knobby knees, but also her predisposition toward depression caused by the neglect she suffered as a newborn.  Or not. If your grandmother was adopted by nurturing parents, you might be enjoying the boost she received thanks to their love and support. The mechanisms of behavioral epigenetics underlie not only deficits and weaknesses but strengths and resiliencies, too."

 I've long known that excessive crying is not good for babies.

Research has shown that infants who are routinely separated from parents in a stressful way have abnormally high levels of the stress hormone cortisol, as well as lower growth hormone levels. These imbalances inhibit the development of nerve tissue in the brain, suppress growth, and depress the immune system. 5, 9, 11, 16 

Dr. Bruce Perry’s research at Baylor University may explain this finding. He found when chronic stress over-stimulates an infant’s brain stem (the part of the brain that controls adrenaline release), and the portions of the brain that thrive on physical and emotional input are neglected (such as when a baby is repeatedly left to cry alone), the child will grow up with an over-active adrenaline system. Such a child will display increased aggression, impulsivity, and violence later in life because the brainstem floods the body with adrenaline and other stress hormones at inappropriate and frequent times. 

         Science Says: Excessive Crying Could Be Harmful

 Science tells us that when babies cry alone and unattended, they experience panic and anxiety. Their bodies and brains are flooded with adrenaline and cortisol stress hormones. Science has also found that when developing brain tissue is exposed to these hormones for prolonged periods these nerves won’t form connections to other nerves and will degenerate. Is it therefore possible that infants who endure many nights or weeks of crying-it-out alone are actually suffering harmful neurologic effects that may have permanent implications on the development of sections of their brain? Here is how science answers this alarming question:Chemical and hormonal imbalances in the brain
Research has shown that infants who are routinely separated from parents in a stressful way have abnormally high levels of the stress hormone cortisol, as well as lower growth hormone levels. These imbalances inhibit the development of nerve tissue in the brain, suppress growth, and depress the immune system. 5, 9, 11, 16
Researchers at Yale University and Harvard Medical School found that intense stress early in life can alter the brain’s neurotransmitter systems and cause structural and functional changes in regions of the brain similar to those seen in adults with depression. 17
One study showed infants who experienced persistent crying episodes were 10 times more likely to have ADHD as a child, along with poor school performance and antisocial behavior. The researchers concluded these findings may be due to the lack of responsive attitude of the parents toward their babies. 14.
Dr. Bruce Perry’s research at Baylor University may explain this finding. He found when chronic stress over-stimulates an infant’s brain stem (the part of the brain that controls adrenaline release), and the portions of the brain that thrive on physical and emotional input are neglected (such as when a baby is repeatedly left to cry alone), the child will grow up with an over-active adrenaline system. Such a child will display increased aggression, impulsivity, and violence later in life because the brainstem floods the body with adrenaline and other stress hormones at inappropriate and frequent times. 6
Dr. Allan Schore of the UCLA School of Medicine has demonstrated that the stress hormone cortisol (which floods the brain during intense crying and other stressful events) actually destroys nerve connections in critical portions of an infant’s developing brain. In addition, when the portions of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional control are not stimulated during infancy (as may occur when a baby is repeatedly neglected) these sections of the brain will not develop. The result – a violent, impulsive, emotionally unattached child. He concludes that the sensitivity and responsiveness of a parent stimulates and shapes the nerve connections in key sections of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional well-being. 7, 8
Decreased intellectual, emotional, and social development
Infant developmental specialist Dr. Michael Lewis presented research findings at an American Academy of Pediatrics meeting, concluding that “the single most important influence of a child’s intellectual development is the responsiveness of the mother to the cues of her baby.”
Researchers have found babies whose cries are usually ignored will not develop healthy intellectual and social skills. 19
Dr. Rao and colleagues at the National Institutes of Health showed that infants with prolonged crying (but not due to colic) in the first 3 months of life had an average IQ 9 points lower at 5 years of age. They also showed poor fine motor development. (2)
Researchers at Pennsylvania State and Arizona State Universities found that infants with excessive crying during the early months showed more difficulty controlling their emotions and became even fussier when parents tried to consol them at 10 months. 15
Other research has shown that these babies have a more annoying quality to their cry, are more clingy during the day, and take longer to become independent as children 1.
Harmful physiologic changes
Animal and human research has shown when separated from parents, infants and children show unstable temperatures, heart arrhythmias, and decreased REM sleep (the stage of sleep that promotes brain development). 10 12, 13
Dr. Brazy at Duke University and Ludington-Hoe and colleagues at Case Western University showed in 2 separate studies how prolonged crying in infants causes increased blood pressure in the brain, elevates stress hormones, obstructs blood from draining out of the brain, and decreases oxygenation to the brain. They concluded that caregivers should answer cries swiftly, consistently, and comprehensively. (3) and (4)

1. P. Heron, “Non-Reactive Cosleeping and Child Behavior: Getting a Good Night’s Sleep All Night, Every Night,” Master’s thesis, Department of Psychology, University of Bristol, 1994.
2. M R Rao, et al; Long Term Cognitive Development in Children with Prolonged Crying, National Institutes of Health, Archives of Disease in Childhood 2004; 89:989-992.
3. J pediatrics 1988 Brazy, J E. Mar 112 (3): 457-61. Duke University
4. Ludington-Hoe SM, Case Western U, Neonatal Network 2002 Mar; 21(2): 29-36
5. Butler, S R, et al. Maternal Behavior as a Regulator of Polyamine Biosynthesis in Brain and Heart of Developing Rat Pups. Science 1978, 199:445-447.
6. Perry, B. (1997), “Incubated in Terror: Neurodevelopmental Factors in the Cycle of Violence,” Children in a Violent Society, Guilford Press, New York.
7. Schore, A.N. (1996), “The Experience-Dependent Maturation of a Regulatory System in the Orbital Prefrontal Cortex and the Origen of Developmental Psychopathology,” Development and Psychopathology 8: 59 – 87.
8. Karr-Morse, R, Wiley, M. Interview With Dr. Allan Schore, Ghosts From the Nursery, 1997, pg 200.
9. Kuhn, C M, et al. Selective Depression of Serum Growth Hormone During Maternal Deprivation in Rat Pups. Science 1978, 201:1035-1036.
10. Hollenbeck, A R, et al. Children with Serious Illness: Behavioral Correlates of Separation and Solution. Child Psychiatry and Human Development 1980, 11:3-11.
11. Coe, C L, et al. Endocrine and Immune Responses to Separation and Maternal Loss in Non-Human Primates. The Psychology of Attachment and Separation, ed. M Reite and T Fields, 1985. Pg. 163-199. New York: Academic Press.
12. Rosenblum and Moltz, The Mother-Infant Interaction as a Regulator of Infant Physiology and Behavior. In Symbiosis in Parent-Offspring Interactions, New York: Plenum, 1983.
13. Hofer, M and H. Shair, Control of Sleep-Wake States in the Infant Rat by Features of the Mother-Infant Relationship. Developmental Psychobiology, 1982, 15:229-243.
14. Wolke, D, et al, Persistent Infant Crying and Hyperactivity Problems in Middle Childhood, Pediatrics, 2002; 109:1054-1060.
15. Stifter and Spinrad, The Effect of Excessive Crying on the Development of Emotion Regulation, Infancy, 2002; 3(2), 133-152.
16. Ahnert L, et al, Transition to Child Care: Associations with Infant-mother Attachment, Infant Negative Emotion, and Cortisol Elevations, Child Development, 2004, May-June; 75(3):649-650.
17. Kaufman J, Charney D. Effects of Early Stress on Brain Structure and Function: Implications for Understanding the Relationship Between Child Maltreatment and Depression, Developmental Psychopathology, 2001 Summer; 13(3):451-471.
18. Teicher MH et al, The Neurobiological Consequences of Early Stress and Childhood Maltreatment, Neuroscience Biobehavior Review 2003, Jan-Mar; 27(1-2):33-44.
19. Leiberman, A. F., & Zeanah, H., Disorders of Attachment in Infancy, Infant Psychiatry 1995, 4:571-587.