Layla has a snow day and so far today she's watched various
educational shows from Nova Science, learned about Ireland, played an online
game that helps you construct a model of the human body (with focus on the
digestive system), and is creating an advertisement (for a real or made up
product) with the other kids. Homeschool family win! We are education focused,
wholesome, and family centered. Nothing changes that. I think you
can have that dynamic with a public
school family as well, it's just rare because focus is easily shifted to other
things and school left up to the institution. Ultimately the environment the
child is raised in makes a huge difference no matter what, but from a
homeschool family’s point of view I'm thrilled our household dynamic never
changed. This is a common wonder/concern in families that enroll homeschool
kids into public school.
The other day Layla told me all kids should go to public school. I gently
reminded her that if homeschool isn't for everyone then public school isn't for
everyone either. I know she agrees but she was being defiant and stubborn and
argued with me. I didn't take the bait and dropped the conversation.
Today homeschooling and public school came up again and I mentioned one of the
reasons I asked her if she wanted to try public school was because she was so
angry when she'd ask me to teach her something and five minutes into me helping
her she would suddenly get angry for no reason and storm off. It was confusing
and frustrating for me. This went on for not just months but years!
She told me defiantly, "Well yeah ‘cause learning with math blocks
is BORING!" I retorted, "Yeah and you've never used math blocks in
public school have you?"
There was SILENCE and Charlotte half smiled at me knowingly and quietly. We
didn't say anymore, nothing needed to be said. Layla's RARELY silent and I
rarely can get the last word in with that child! But she realized for a moment
that some things, many things perhaps, aren't that different when you learn
them at school or home; you still have to sit and learn some things and be
patient. She obviously just prefers her school, and that's okay because we like
this particular school and she is thriving.
The other day something else caught her attention. I was cooking dinner and
talking to the children about having good character. We started discussing what
it means to be a good role model, to do the right thing and to have good
character. We talked about how the way we act shapes the entire world around
us, what others think of us and how we feel about others and ourselves. Having
good character is important. Layla excitedly piped up, "Oh at school we
have a sign in the lunch room that says character is everything!!"
I knew this -and that's why I enjoy her school. They spend time focusing on
developing respectful students, and we get reinforcement of values and manners that
we have already been working on at home for years! Because of this Layla is
even more perceptive to our rules and our family’s character. I’d be lying if I
didn’t say I really love her school. It’s
won awards, the principal is amazing, the staff down to the bus drivers and cafeteria
workers are all part of the schools mission statement /goal to teach safety
respect and responsibility.
We have an understanding though, 5th grade is the cut off.
Our kids aren't going to public middle school/Jr. High and it's something we
made clear before she was enrolled. The very idea of segregating children in a
Lord of The Flies, popularity driven environment with dwindling adult
supervision and dwindling parental involvement in a media obsessed and
boyfriend/girlfriend/sex crazed society...as parents we simply draw the line.
Her elementary school is fabulous, but it all ends here. No exceptions. We
don't agree with the moral decline of our society -and we have a commitment to
raise our own children in a respectful, supervised and wholesome environment. I
know what *I* learned in middle school and what a lack of supervision and
direction there is. I lived in an upper class suburban neighborhood and went to
a brand new pristine school that was still tainted with a society that teaches ‘teens
will be teens’ and use a condom for sex, instead of don’t have sex.
Like the majority of teens I knew I looked at
my peers and the media for what was acceptable social behavior. Friends suddenly
become your family, at least you feel that way for a while. Sadly, no one is
immune to it, so I can't predict if our kids will get horribly sucked into that
culture or not. Ultimately the bad influences won out for me and it set the
stage for high school years that were terribly reckless, valueless and not at
all school focused. It's the reason I'm an obsessively attentive mom. I'll
never let that happen to my kids. I don’t believe in the society I stand in, I
don’t trust others and I take responsibility for how my kids turn out (to a
certain degree anyway…at some point nature and nurture do collide and they
fully become their own human being). That saying
"I've seen the village and I don't want it raising my child" applies here.
Layla and I have always had a weird relationship. She's very standoffish but
warms up and I have to be careful in order for our relationship to grow. The
only reason she's not a raging brat with a ton of problems is her stable life
and family. Ricky and I are 100% sure of it. We also have no doubt that she is
not only improving and growing but she is learning trust, patience and
acceptance...slowly over time...since birth. It's almost like through her I
have a glimpse of my own complicated and angry self at a young age. As a child
I was fraught with emotional problems and anger that was difficult to pinpoint
and it haunted me from 8 until 18. I told Ricky I would not let that happen to
her, and so we carefully supervise and nurture her. We give her space when
needed and surround her with siblings/family and proper morals. We limit her
exposure to all media (just like the rest of our kids). She seems to thrive and
grow instead of get worse. Thank you, God.
Since I'm writing and reflecting about school life and kids I must write about
how proud I am of our teenagers Charlotte, Sage and Ethan. I want to reflect on
how far we’ve come with homeschooling/ child-led learning!
I'm really proud of how proactive they are of
their education. They spend so much independent time on school work and I don't
do very much in the way of planning their day out for them anymore. They have
texts, workbooks, and projects, suggestions from us, computer programs and
internet sites. They have the 'tools' they just have to apply the time and
desire to learn. And they do. We have long told them we are not responsible for
their education beyond providing them the tools and support they need. From a
young age we gave them simple ideas and suggestions about what success might
mean to them. We painted a picture of what lazy and unmotivated is and we
strongly discouraged that kind of behavior. We provided rules but also gave
suggestions for keeping busy at home and limiting things like TV, video games
and procrastination. We often say 'find something constructive or meaningful to
do.' It can be anything but it needs to have a purpose. Another thing I say is “live
with intent.” Move your body or your minds... take care of something. It can be
housework, school work, reading, playing, exercising, art, crafts, playing
games with siblings, building something, journaling, knitting, gardening,
nature walk, write a letter, play with siblings…whatever! But we must keep our
minds busy. We must keep our bodies moving. I use their dad as an example: he
has to be at work all day long; we must use our time wisely as he does and show
something for our day.
We always embraced child-led learning by leaving educational magazines and
books strewn about the house. We always had nature guides and maps around the
house as well as snake, bird, plant and spider identifying books. One year,
many years ago, we did almost nothing but go on field trips and watch
brainpop.com. I'm STILL amazed at all the stuff they learned from that site
(and still learn), it is pure gold! I wanted our kids to value books and the
library. I wanted them to know they could learn anything; and that we didn't
have to teach them, they could teach themselves. I wanted them to love to learn
and to never be bored by history. I wanted them to learn arithmetic, but to
choose how much math they needed in their life. I used to be worried about what
they knew or didn't know but after years of studying them and their habits I
realized there is no one size fits all way to ensure kids learn 100% of
everything. Some kids are voraciously academic (my husband) some kids struggle
(me). Sage was a “very late” reader and still isn't a real strong reader, but
neither are lots of other public school kids. Ethan and Charlotte need more spelling
skills, but so do a lot of public schooled adults I know. We find our strengths
and weaknesses and we hone both as needed. As parents we of course guide them towards
the area that show weakness so they can improve and the things they are best at
they naturally build upon. Charlotte is old enough now that she can see her own
weaknesses and think through what she really wants to accomplish academically. She
has taken it upon herself to learn many things this year without guidance. One
focus she has is to improve her math skills and prepare for college in case she
wants to go. She spends hours and hours on the
Kahn Academy website. It all seriously impresses me. We teach
personal responsibility and self-sufficiency but I barely realized that when we
told our kids their education was up to them it was actually the ultimate test
and act of personal responsibility a person could have. They log their own
subject and homeschool hours and they do very well at writing everything they
do down.
I’m really proud of them.
There are still times I’m concerned, there are still doubts,
and I still get completely overwhelmed about what we are able to provide them
or not provide them. That’s life though. I wish we could afford more things
like piano lessons; and if we had less kids we could. That doesn’t mean our
kids can’t work on playing piano on their own (Charlotte does!) and it certainly
doesn’t ever mean we wish we had less kids. Same goes for private school. We were well
aware that by having a big family private/alternative school would not ever be
an option. I mention Sage not being a strong reader. I’m sure he’d be labeled
in public school as dyslexic but since labels tend to give people an excuse instead
of encouragement I never wanted him to learn that excuse. I felt like it
was enough to just know –on his part and ours- that he needs extra practice and
time. And he does know he has an extra hard time and we try to present it as a
challenge instead of a handicap. We are all good and bad at different things. I
told him SO WHAT if he is homeschooling until he’s 20. So what? So what if he can’t
“graduate” and he takes time to live at home while probably working a side job
while working on more language arts or math or whatever….Public school wouldn’t
have given him that option. Public school would have failed him until he quit
or passed him with a diploma he didn’t deserve. (I knew illiterate people in
high school, it was painful to watch them struggle and it was stunning to see
them graduate barely able to read.) I don’t think he’ll be “schooling” that
long. I think he makes huge strides and improvements and he’s gaining
confidence, but the great thing about homeschool is learning at your own pace
and directing your education and yourself.
I had to let go of a tremendous
amount of fear to homeschool the kids. “What
if we make them dumb!?” I’d ask my husband.
But when does self-doubt about life ever stop? It never will
truly. It will control you if you let it. This is yet another thing I’ve recently
talked over with the kids; we should not fear where we are in life. Life is a ‘choose
your own adventure’ book and behind every adventure there are unknown challenges,
lessons and rewards. Have faith my children, for it has served our family well.
