April 2017

April showers bring May flowers! The grass gets green, the birds get busy building nests, bees visit patches of dandelions and clover, and bright tulips push up toward the sun.... Andddd....I was born!

April is a great time of year, unless you are a financial analyst like my dear husband is. My birthday lands at a pretty bad time of year for Ricky. He used to take my birthday off. But, since quarter end is the first week of April, and we have collected nine kids over the years (lol) it's gotten increasingly hard for him to spend the day or evening with me on April 4th. We do get to sneak away from time to time, but it's NOT usually during the first week of April. Every year he tries to at least get home early, and most years as of recent it just doesn't work out. I had a feeling this year would be tough too, so I planned my own party! Bea wrapped a bunch of flower bulbs that I picked out last week and she had the best time giving them to me. I acted like I had never seen them before. I hadn't looked at them since I bought them, and I was delighted at all the cheery color and fun of them as my gift!

Beatrice also made me a window frame out of Popsicle sticks. When Bea gave me the window she lamented in the sweetest concerned three year old squeaky voice that it was crooked. She even hung her head down sadly! I told her I love crooked windows. Her whole sweet face lit up and her smile beamed. It was precious and I adore my Popsicle stick window!

First thing after breakfast I took the teens to their finance class, but before we left we found a dead chicken and a very wounded one. That was a hectic start to the morning. I was just going to to kill the wounded one but it was wiggling around a bunch. I was too hasty and rushed (AND IN A DRESS) to take it over to the killing cone for slaughtering. I stopped and examined it more...what if she's just real hurt but not mortally wounded? Its eyes were swollen shut. But, sometimes people look pretty darn bad at the hospital after a severe injury. (Then again, they are AT AN ACTUAL HOSPITAL.) Reluctantly, I put away the hatchet and stuck the hen in a box with pine shavings until I could get back home and care for her. While I drove I thought about all the miracle animals I've seen and the compassionate people who saved them. A special floating "wheel chair" for a disabled fish and a wounded turtle with tiny wheels for front legs. Dogs with two legs. Realistically, chickens have a pretty low survival rate once badly injured or ill. Over the years you lose wayyy more than you save. I'll just stop the suspense and tell ya now: Cupcake (I quickly and aptly named her since it was my birthday) didn't make it. I should have put her out of misery after all. I once found a floppy, cold and drenched chicken after a bad rainstorm. I brought her inside and warmed her in a sink bath and blow dried her feathers. That girl made it. (Just fell like adding a happy chicken story here for good measure.)

Back to my Birthday...
I told the younger kids I'd take them to Target to get cake decorating supplies. I browsed the birthday section and found a unicorn headband and super cute plates.

It dawned on me that I had never had a unicorn birthday party, probably because I was so into unicorns as a child that it never crossed my mind. Unicorns weren't on my radar as a once over birthday thing. Unicorns were something I did everyday. But now I'm a grown up. A really big grown up, I'm now at level 39 and it is unicorn party time, because it's been ages since I've unicorned! 

Back at home after Target I made an electrolyte solution for Cupcake, the hurt and probably dying chicken, I packed its wounds with an antibiotic ointment, and then it was time to help Bea (3) and Everett (6) make cakes. It was around this time I realized throwing your own birthday party is a lot of work. 

I quipped on my Facebook: 

"I am juggling four kids making each their OWN cakes for me (it's for me right?), two of which want to make them from scratch, them also fighting, a broken bowl, a one year old playing in dog food, and a hurt chicken I'm trying to nurse back to health. (A very hurt chicken. Blood, everything.) And I'm doing it all with a unicorn horn on my head because I am having a unicorn party. Wild day."

Penelope and Sebastian were not thrilled they had to wait all day to make their cakes. I am only ONE person though and they want to make theirs from scratch. I heard a good bit of complaining about them having to wait. As the other cakes cooled Charlotte got home from college. She enthusiastically, because she's the best adult-kiddo ever, whipped out her cake airbrush supplies and started whipping up frosting. Thank God for Charlotte. 

She got busy with the kids decorating and letting them do list the work while still helping them create. I was off to pick up the teen boys from class. I had to hurry because I had a 3:00 birthday massage appointment. On the way to get the boys I knew I should get gas (gas light has been on all day) but guess what kind of person I am?

However, on the way home I was chatting away so happily with my teens about my crazy day that I forgot to stop for gas on the way home. Nearly home the van made a couple of slower weird feeling jerks only detectable by me. My van was thirsty. I was nervous there for a sec, but we made it home. I promptly got a big gas can out of the garage. (Ricky could be reading this thinking, so that's why I don't always have as much gas as I think we have on hand for the lawn mower... Heehe.)  I quickly put some gas in (no actually I stood there forever because it's not fast pouring gas in from a gas can into a huge van) and I felt like a dork and laughed at myself. As I'm gassing up the kids walked out and show me UNICORN CAKES because they couldn't wait any longer!!!!  I loved them!! They had edible sparkle glitter and star candy embellishments you can't even see as well in photos. Very magical!

Then I took off in my van again. I made it to my birthday massage appointment (and got gas from a real station), a big thanks to all my lovely kids at home holding down the fort. When I got home the LAST thing I wanted to do was make more cakes! However, Sebastian and Penelope had their turn of cakes to still do. I didn't have to do a lot, they could mostly do it, but I'm still needed to help. As they finished up Layla and I decorated outside and took pictures, we enjoyed some cake, too. Bea and Everett couldn't wait for cake so we had cake before dinner. I actually do cake before dinner a lot. They leave me alone to do dinner that way. Besides, after dinner is cleaned up the last thing any mom wants to hear about is getting more food out!

I actually had no dinner planned and it was 5:30 or so. I kinda thought dinner plans would just fall into place. I had going out or ordering pizza in my head. Ricky soon texted me a sincere message about how sorry he was he wasn't home yet. He also joked that we should move my birth date. I texted him back: You are an amazing husband and you love me unconditionally everyday of your life. You always think of me first and I have everything I could need and you always strive to give me more. You don't have to be sorry.

I ordered pizza around 6pm. I had wanted to go get Mexican with Ricky and ALL the kids but I was certain he would be too pooped from work, plus I was way too exhausted, and Madeline is at a very hard restaurant age anyway. I ordered pizza and had everyone help me pick up the house before dinner. Ricky walked in as we got the couch bed out and we all ate in the living room watching something family friendly (AFV probably), I don't remember because Ricky and I fell fast asleep nearly immediately after dinner. Couch beds are the best thing ever.
 Aside from my massage and flowers to plant, I also got nice new rain boots, better clips I wanted for my hot rollers, and a book: Mrs. Dunwoody's Excellent Instructions for Homekeeping: Timeless Wisdom and Practical Advice .

I have spent the last few days doing yard work. I love yard work. I love gardening. I love the kids playing outside all day. I love flowers. I love rain boots. I love spring. I love baby chicks and kids that love them, too. I love the world I'm in when everything turns green. I love fresh air and blue skies. I love warmth. I love little voices next to me asking me questions about earthworms, grubs, and gardening. I love seeing tightly wound Hostas pop up from the ground. I love teaching a kid how to mow. I love my husband. I love spring. Life is so good. Thirty-nine is amazing.

 In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt. -Margaret Atwood

Spring has returned. The Earth is like a child that knows poems. Rainer Maria Rilke
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/r/rainermari147755.html?src=t_spring

In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt. Margaret Atwood
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/spring.html

Come to Think of it, How Do I Do It?

Madeline is a very clingy baby. Which means it's hard to get housework done.

I feel like I get nothing done. I have more clothes needing folding than I did with a newborn and my kitchen is grimy. I hate running out of room around here and feeling like we need to move to a bigger house. I hate our half painted exterior (we started removing the shutters and painting our house last year). I hate my unorganized basement and half hung curtains down there and a much needed plumbing repair for the washing machine outlet. I hate all the things that are undone, the a pile of to-do lists, our annoying goat fence repairs...I hate writing about it. I hate complaining. I hate being unappreciative. I hate using the word hate.

After reading what I just wrote above my frustration begins to wane. I am forced to remember how fortunate we are, how this home is large and we only think it's shrinking because we keep adding kids to it. I remember that we go to the grocery store and we afford plenty of food. I remember the kids are in gymnastics and homeschool groups and they go to homeschool dances and summer camp. We are healthy. We are so blessed. Life with nine kids is not easy, and this past year I have realized it more than ever. But we do love it even if it means that things stay undone and get neglected...even if it means I can't finish projects, even if it means I don't have time for painting or fixing up the laundry room. Even if it means stuff goes undone while babies get nurtured. Sometimes though, I have to tell myself that its also okay to get frustrated and fed up and not to feel guilty about it, I'm human!

When I have mini freak outs of 'I get nothing done' I have to recenter myself. I'm raising people. And thats a lot. So, when I feel like I'm losing ground and I just have to realize it and think about it. When I go shopping I say a prayer of thanks that we eat well. While driving the kids to gymnastics I think of my husband at work and remember that this is one more reason why he works so hard for us. (He has said so too.) Every time we get gas I appreciate we have cars. Every month, at least once or twice, I thank my husband for taking care of us. My worries start to seem small when I remember what real worries look like. 

How I Really Do It 

I get lots of people telling me they don't know how I do it. "It" meaning how I handle all the kids, housework, insanity, long hours, the screaming ( happy and sad kids scream!), the crying, the very little 'me' time, cooking, cleaning (oh dear God, cleaning is most of what I do!), and last but not least, the overall expense involved in raising a gaggle of kids. 

I used to just chuckle it off and give a half hearted "Yeahhh, it's a real hoot!" Or, "They keep me very busy!" and move on. 

It got me thinking a while ago though, how DO I do it? Pretty much what keeps me going, besides the fact that I love my kids and want them to have the best childhood possible, is that I have a really supportive husband. If I could stand there and explain this to every person who asks me how I do it this is what I'd say: I'm not in this alone. Ricky is fully present in our lives as a husband and father. He's almost always present with us when he's home and if he's not home he's always just a phone call away. We have a really close relationship, and he's in nine kids just as deep as I am. 

I absolutely love being a mom and wife, but part of the reason I love it so, so much is that I never feel alone or taken for granted. Ricky and I don't have "who has it harder contests." We have both joy and sympathy for each other on a daily basis. I'm so proud of him working hard and accomplishing what he does and I'm thankful he's a great dad and husband. I honor and cherish him and he does and feels all the same ways for me. I always get more than one kiss goodbye. He is optimistic. He's easy to love. He's a good dad. He loves me at my best and my worst. He supports me. He respects me. He's nice to me. He's funny. He laughs. That's how I do it. .

One thing that helps me through tough days is that he's always there for me. I can get a hold of him anytime when he's at work (unless he's in a meeting of course). Anytime I want to tell him anything, if I just want a sympathetic ear to quickly share my hardships with, he's there. If I'm cranky and un-showered. If the kids are screaming and crying in the background. If the baby just fell off of something. If I'm sick or tired. If I just want to tell him that I wish I had another job for the day where I didn't have people screaming, roughhousing, throwing food, emptying toilet paper rolls, clogging the toilet, losing a toothbrush down the drain, scattering potatoes all over the kitchen floor, coloring on the wall, making "potions" with spices in the kitchen, unmaking beds, playing with mud on the front porch, throwing a mud ball at side of the house, all while the baby is latched on me like a sucker fish as the kids fall off swings and get stuck in trees. I can tell him. Sometimes I want to escape the people who eat 20 lbs of oranges, three loaves of bread, and four dozen eggs in four days.... So I call him. He listens. He lends support. He agrees. He asks me what he can do to help. He's my rock. That's how I do it, and that's how I keep doing it. I'm allowed to have every emotion I have. And he listens.

Then there's the times that he laughs at me as I rattle off hilarious or ornery things the kids are up to. There's also the times he tells me I'm cute as I explain to him the quirky mishaps I have encountered throughout the day. I love his strong supportive voice, his calm demeanor, his attention to detail, his chuckling laugh - I know co workers must hear him laughing sometimes. I adore that laugh so much. I can feel the stress wash away from me and I start to smile because I can hear his laughter and love for me shoot right through the phone line and into my heart. This is how I do it. It's him. He doesn't just say he loves me, he shows it in everything he does. I see it in his eyes. I hear it in his voice. 

He calls me. Sometimes he will call me just to hear me ramble for a minute. I love that. So he'll call out of the blue sometimes and I'll just talk... he also knows it's a way I get some adult interaction and I can share my joys or frustrations.

We are a great team. Last weekend was full of so much crazy. We laughed it off all day. Every whine, scream, wrestling match between the kids, food on the floor, clingy baby, messes, poop, spilled drink, a certain kid defying us, we rolled with it all weekend. We often look at each other and wonder why we did this to ourselves. We often long for some alone time. We get interrupted by kids frequently. It's hard. It's realllly hard. But I'm not alone. But not only all that, we love kids. We love watching them, nurturing them, laughing at their antics, we love providing a loving home and building this legacy together. We love having a built in party on birthdays and holidays. We love it. We love each other. It makes it all so easy even when it's hard.

If I could, I'd stand there and tell complete strangers all of that when they ask how I do it. Or, when some people give me dirty looks or make rude comments because they think children are a burden and that one (or two) people could not possibly provide for or enjoy that many children, I'd like to tell them how wrong they are.

January at the Park

I needed today. It was full of nature and children.

It was full of the outdoors and free play. It was full of my favorite young people and it was a much needed break from the indoors and my own brain. The sun cracked through the clouds as we inched towards 70 degrees in January! The sky stayed blue for several hours. Clouds rolled indecisively in and out. The sky, clouds, and bare trees made a beautiful backdrop for photography. I love how in the winter the tippy tops of the tree branches look like nothing more than little sticks reaching far into the sky. The trees are so exposed.

I don't like a lot about winter. So it's a big deal when I find something I do like. It's an exercise I need to implement and embrace because I whine every single darn day about winter. Our thoughts shape our moods and actions, so I know this incessant complaining is really bad. This winter is dreadfully dull and I feel awfully uninspired. Today I took time to hear my little ones. I took a break from my complaining about winter and the chatter in my head (my to-do list) and I just let myself be myself with them. I rediscovered a lot.

Madeline was darling as she explored and loved every minute of it. She's been very needy (as I've written about in past posts) and I have neglected to realize that she is probably going through similar outdoor withdrawals just as I am. She spent all spring, summer, and fall outdoors. She loved the outdoors and when the weather finally turned cold she became whiny.

Sure, shes been teething. But seriously, I am realizing she is literally climbing up the window because she wants to be outside. She stares out the window and asks to go out all the time. How confusing for her! I hate the cold so I don't take her out. The kids do a little but not much. Realizing this will definitely help me help her.

Bea and I talked about seeds, trees and moss. She asked me about trails and the posted signs as we waked on trails at the park. I pushed Madeline in the stroller and we had a great time. I really loved just listening to Bea chatter on. We took some moss home and Bea made a moss garden. It's been forever since I just enjoyed them without being rushed or thinking about the house. I miss that.

At bedtime it was still 68 degrees. Bea and I went outside to tell the moon goodnight. She always calls the moon her moon. I told her she could touch the moon and I took a picture of her. She ran inside so excited to show everyone her picture. Her excitement was amazing.

I'm telling her, "Keep reaching! Keep reaching! Hold it! You are holding it right now!"

Today at the park, Everett (6) tripped on some branches on the way to the car, he exclaimed that he "found nature." It made me laugh as he came up with a tiny acorn cap in his hand and a big smile on his face. He loved it, however, he ended up losing it on the way to the car. He wailed over his loss. I walked him over to a random tree and we gathered black walnut shells that looked like little boats and the nut meat that resembles owl faces. This delighted him and he no longer wanted an acorn hat. The ones I found to replace his were too big anyway he said.

The kids swung on vines with their friends. It was just a fabulous day. I feel so inspired and refreshed.

The Mother's Day Cards Are Lost

I bought cards for many mothers: my mother, other people's mothers, and especially my sister who is a brand new mother. I bought a card for my Aunt Sharon who is like a mother to me and grandmother to my children. I bought cute cards, funny cards, sweet cards. I bought cards to say all kinds of lovely thoughtful words. I bought them all early so I wouldn't run out of time. I told Ricky to buy his mom one early too. They were in a bag and the bag floated between my purse, the kitchen counter, and then my purse again. I looked for the book of stamps to mail them over a week ago, but the stamps were missing. No one knows who lost my stamps...but I'm sure it wasn't me. So back in the purse the cards went. So much for mailing early. Eventually I found one stamp in all of the house and it went on an envelope as I frantically mailed the kids' summer camp registrations...the exact day the registration was due. Made it in the mailbox one hour before the mailman came.

So, back in the purse the cards went, then in the car, and finally somehow for some reason they laid on the back porch table. They were shuffled onto a picnic table outside near our driveway when we cleaned the porch...then they disappeared somehow. In all the chaos of cleaning and painting our nearly dilapidated porch I lost the cards. In all the hardship of leaky septic systems, new plumbing being installed and other service workers coming over, I lost them. In and out of all the busy days juggling kids to events, preschool, grocery shopping (at a store that doesn't sell stamps), cooking dinner for an army, homeschooling, and emergency dental visits, I lost them. Like all hardworking moms, life revolves around kids and not much else.

I have no stamps, no cards, no time. I have happy kids with sticky fingers and fixed teeth. I have a lot of stress, a ton of love, some tears, much laughter, lots of hope, a bit of  insanity, glimpses of peace, too much laundry, and a circle of vibrant women dear to me who would understand all of it because they are moms.

I love you moms! I really do. My birth one, my aunt one, my grandmother ones, my in law one, my  my sister one, my friend ones. I love you all for doing and being the best you can for your kids and families during the best and worst of times. It's not easy. And we keep marching on, and we keep loving on, and we keep our children's hands on our hearts.

I love you circle of moms. Cards or no cards.

Mothers change the world through children

10 Hard Things about Having a Large Family (for me)

1. Cleaning House 

My expectation for the kitchen: it needs to look un-lived in AND cute.

Nothing is ever good enough at my house. The bathroom needs cleaned 2-3x per week, the kids and dogs require me to sweep the living room floor at least 10x a week (the kitchen floor alone actually gets swept 14-20 times a week) I never feel like I can relax (however I am technically relaxing right now wasting time plucking away at my blog). Notice I said that bathroom "needs" cleaned 2-3 times a week..it doesn't always necessarily get done that often! I feel like my life is in pieces most of the time, always in need of being put back together again by me. A couple of kids are two days past baths. The laundry needs folded. The living room is dusty. Everett won’t stop dumping water on the floor. The back porch looks terrible. The storage clothing closet needs sorted. The yard is a mess. There is chicken, goose or goat poop (or all three!) on the porch. I'm pretty sure anyone that comes over to my house expects it to be... oh I dunno, lived in by 10 people. Someone should have told me if I wanted my home to look like a vintage version of Pottery Barn I shouldn't have had 8 kids, but I bet wouldn’t have listened anyway.

I've actually gotten much better over the years, but the never-ending list of what I need and want to get done, on top of children who make messes 24/7, make it hard for me to just let go and enjoy my home. I'm working on this constantly. I have gotten better than I used to be. It's okay to go to bed with a messy bathroom, craft supplies on the kitchen table, ‘base10 blocks’ on the dining room floor, laundry in the washer, and dust bunnies under the couch... and just be in peace about it all for the night.

I told myself in December not to fret about our bedroom and as a result it's been a mess since December. It's an exercise I'm trying ...be content with the mess because it is temporary and I'll get caught up when other stuff gets caught up...enjoy the baby, enjoy the kids, work when you can.

While this post sat in my drafts folder my friend wrote this piece titled The Housework Can Wait? And I couldn't agree more! It's terrible parenting advice to tell others not to clean house. We have to find balance, yes, but there are things that have to be done. Letting the house fall apart at the seams is good for no one.

2. Going Camping (and fishing)
We are totally outdoor people, me even more than my hubby because mosquitoes think he is delicious but leave me alone. The sheer logistics of taking 10 people camping boggles the mind and gives my husband nightmares. I want our kids to remember going camping (and fishing!) growing up, but so far we just have fires and weenie roasts in the backyard all summer long. (We used to camp a little but haven't in over 6 years or so) It’s still a lot of fun having at-home outdoor fun nearly every weekend but I wish we could do more. I'm super adventurous and impulsive, so we really should just get up and go camping; sounds so simple until we start planning. The kids have recetly taken to camping out on our trampoline.

3. My Ambition is not compatible with my lifestyle

This goes a little bit with number one. I want to do a million things, so I attempt to do a half-million of them to be conservative in my wish list. I finish five and tell myself: "one day at a time" and "what doesn't get done will be okay." My kitchen needs finished painting (just one tiny corner!), the basement needs finished painting -hell according to me any wall without paint needs to be painted. I want to start keeping bees.We also decided we should raise rabbits. Turkey are coming to join our small homestead...so ambitious.
 My husband is such an enabler too! Last weekend we went to Home Depot for a simple gas can and while there I declared I wanted paint for the upstairs hall. So what do you think he did?  He bought it for me. God love him. He should tell me no sometimes.

I have lots of ideas on the back burner: some business related, some personal, some birth work related... none of them very compatible with a full time homeschooling mom of eight.

4. Enjoying the kids

We enjoy them plenty but with so many kids there is always room for improvement. It's not just about making the time (although we have to do that too especially for the teens), but we have to also tell ourselves to slow down and just enjoy them, or we'll miss the good stuff as we juggle the crazy stuff.  Let’s face it sometimes these little kids run amok, and it’s hard on us. One time some kid wiped their butt on the shower curtain. Another time we found baby carrots in the bathroom drain. The kids hurt our ears they talk so loud, and they climb on top of each other like playgrounds. Sometimes there are days that a kid is always crying or yelling. 

This is what a busy mom looks like knee deep in kids and pumpkins! Some one is even crying...

  Just walking in the door with them this afternoon after a day out was hard. While I was trying to gather everyone's coats and shoes I was simultaneously changing the baby's diaper on my bed. This is also what was going on: Sebastian trying to tell me something he did at preschool, Penelope asking me to help pull her boots off, Everett asking where a plate was as he shows me he suddenly has a handful of graham crackers, and I'm still trying to take my coat off and change the baby's diaper. We were literally home for less than 60 seconds and that much was happening all at once!

We can focus on all of that craziness and let it overwhelm us, or we can focus on enjoying our little hobgoblins instead.

5. Saving money

There is always something you need regardless of having a big family or not. It’s called life. There are always wants vs. needs -and the wants can be hard to ignore. The needs are amplified when you have a gazillion animals and kids though. Just when it seems like saving money seems doable (or just when we actually have money saved up) something happens to drain it all. When you have more kids there are more things that can pile up. Dentist and medical bills can be...yikes. Home repairs are killing us this year.

6. Making time for other people

My family squeezes every last ounce from me. It's not a bad thing to me, but since I give near 100% to my husband and kids there is not much left to give and that is sometimes hard. It’s not that I feel like I don't have time for myself, but I instead feel like I don't have time for anyone else. I want to reach out, send cards, donate my time, be there for a friend, go to a moms night out, attend a woman's retreat my friends have, but I just don't have the time or energy. I mean well. I pray for others and think about others very often. I often have people in my heart and mind and no one even knows it. In turn, Ricky feels the same way. He works a lot, and then he has family time. After that there isn't a lot of time for extra things.

When we try to get involved with service projects or some other thing it's often hard because of our various ages. There are things we just can't do with little kids in tow, and it's a sacrifice for all of us to have to miss out on some things. That's just our life and everyone's life is different.

Ricky and I are admittedly pretty selfish about our free time. We want to spend it all with each other. It's really quite sweet, and it's our marriage and our life and we are happy with it. I know we'll never regret the time spent with each other and the kids now. So we do what we can and don’t stress about it, but it is hard sometimes when it feels like we don’t have time for anything else. Someday the kids won’t take up so much of our time and we know that. We embrace them and each other now. 

7. Eating

This is super obvious. Feeding a large family is a large task. Eating out is expensive and a special treat. Eating in is very time consuming and it costs a large chunk of money, too. On average I spend at least 3-4 hours in the kitchen each day and it's not doing the fun, pretty stuff I wish I was doing...like rolling out cinnamon rolls or canning apples. It's fetching milk for little mouths, putting snack platters out, cooking up three different types of eggs for breakfast and throwing a home cooked meal together for dinner –all while literally tripping over an insane kid named Everett (or telling him to get off the kitchen table for third time in 10 minutes). Even if I was doing the fun stuff I'd be doing it while tripping over at least three kids which makes it more stressful and not as much fun. It's all fun and games until someone picks their nose and then dips their finger into the cake batter. Question the food you eat from my house if made in the presence of toddlers or preschoolers. Ha!

The thing I look forward to the most when my kids are grown is baking, gardening, and canning. I have an entire storybook scene in my head of me happily frolicking in my garden, picking, canning, cooking, baking and then having all the children and grandchildren over for dinner once or twice a week...I'll wipe the grand-children's little noses and faces with my apron and say things to my grown children like 'Oh, let them make a mess, I have no one but your dad to pick up after these days...’

8. Noise

Someone is always talking to me! ALWAYS! Sometimes it's three or four kids at once. There's a kid talking in my ear right now. She's been talking for 45 minutes. I'm not kidding. I'm giggling typing this because it's so funny and perfect timing for this post. When they aren't talking to me they are talking to someone else. It can also be hard to manage the noise level of so many people, especially the ones that are ‘volume level’ challenged. The positive side is that everyone learns really good group communication and turn taking (eventually). We do raise our hands on particularly high volume days. We respond quicker to hand raisers and the little kids learn waiting a wee bit easier when their hand is raised, we nod or put a finger up indicating in 1 minute you are next.

9. Running out for something

It's hard to just run out of the house to get milk or whatever. Even though I have older kids at home, I don't like leaving the kids home alone. If I do run out for a ‘quick trip' it takes me at least two hours to just leave the house because it’s hard for me to just pick up and leave. First of all I have to ask myself a million questions: Should we do school work first? Is everyone fed? Does the kitchen need cleaned up? Is anyone fighting? Is anyone going to fight? Who should keep an eye on who? Who should I bring with me? Will Everett fall asleep in the car? Do I want Everett to fall asleep in the car? How much money is left in my grocery account? Where is my cell phone? Does the baby need nursed first? Where are my shoes? Do I even have clothes on…?

(Then on my way out out to the car I get the chickens some feed and water and inevitably get poop on my shoes or hands, or both. Farm life.)

If if need something specific like glue, crayons or printer ink I'm WAY more likely to just order it from Amazon Prime than to ever step a foot out my door.

10. I'm the Domestic Goddess/ Household Manager/ Boss

If it were just me and Ricky I'd seriously be happy as a clam just doting on him and keeping house. I'm convinced I'd clean house in my pearls. I love being a homemaker! I love: baking, cooking, canning, gardening, sewing, scrapbooking, etc. In my fantasy life without kids I'd volunteer two days a week at the food pantry or local woman's shelter. I'd host little teas and brunches for me and my friends and invite Ricky's coworkers over for dessert and drinks on Friday nights. 
 Ricky has told me several times that I can keep homemaking forever if I want to, and never work outside of the home. I jokingly exclaimed, "Dang, I wish you would have told me I could have been a housewife without all these kids! Sign. Me. Up."

In reality we have a gaggle of kids who are going to mess up the house and no one is going to care unless I care. No one is going to organize a housework routine/schedule unless I do it. No one is going to have home-cooked meals unless I make them. No one is going to have clean or folded laundry unless I do it (or tell them to do it). In fact: next to no one is going to brush their teeth either. Sometimes I am plum sick of telling everyone what to do! And it's A LOT of people to get organized. But, it's just the way it is. Charlotte is amazing and really pitches in when she sees an area lacking, she’s a lifesaver in the kitchen and I am so thankful. Ricky is very helpful too but he's not expected to help with most of the housework. I'm expected to ask him if I need something really specific from him regarding housework. (Example: can you clean the bathroom.) When he's home Ricky is always playing with a kid or doing something with a kid -or four of them at a time, so he's plenty busy when he's home. Since he works 50+ hours a week outside the home I don't expect him to ever touch the laundry or dishes. (Although there are lots of times he does on the weekend, especially if we have a newborn, and I sure do appreciate it.) He maintains the outside, fixes stuff, and helps as needed in the home, but other than that he's supposed to just keep doting on me and the kids. He works hard outside the home, I want him to enjoy the kids and not have to help me too much. The teenage boys are awesome usually. They are kind and willing to help, but like most teens they need to be told extremely specific things that need to be done. We do use a chore chart, but it changes a lot and it requires me to change it and organize it. I usually just resort to making simple lists on the whiteboard that I change everyday and we all dig in to what needs to get done. 

 Bottom line: I have lots of helpers, but I still have to be the organizer. And it gets really, really tiring being that person. Sometimes I wish someone would organize and plan everything out for me, and then let me go sit in a hammock and read when I am done with my chores! But monotony comes with any job or responsibility, be it at home or not! So I keep at it...

Layla made this drawing at Thanksgiving - I am expecting baby #8
 

Bowling Kids, I Spelled my Kids Name Wrong *LOL*, Niceness at the Grocery Store (and quick tangent about how this week I'm full of awesome...) Also... our baby is such a sweetie!

I took the crew bowling. The older kids had fun at the homeschool bowling morning we are trying out near us. The younger kids had fun when they weren't complaining about it not being their turn (Sebastian and Everett are still pretty young, impatient and WILD little boys). On an out-with-kids-adventure scale of 1-5 (one being mild and five being bat-shit crazy) it was probably a 2.

 At first the kids couldn't get ANY dang momentum from rolling their ball (and me helping them one handed because I'm holding Beatrice was not helping much). The guy at the alley saw us and gave us a ramp thingy for the kids to push their ball down. It was amazing and really saved us!

 Everett got a bit squirrely towards the end, but we made it through all 10 frames. And Everett won without any help from me!

After playing for a while I noticed I spelled Everett "Everette" on the bowling computer which was funny. I got to spend a good 10 minutes pondering if his name had an E at the end or not (because I'm losing my mind lol), and then pondered why we chose no E. Since both are correct spellings how did we chose which one to use? I don't remember that conversation. ~~~Wait now I kinda do.

After bowling we went grocery shopping which was a 3 on the 1-5 adventure scale. At the store we got a lot of attention and an older lady commented that the kids were so beautiful and asked a bit about them, then I told her I had 4 more kids not with me. She said, "Oh good for you! God Bless your heart." She was adorable. Then the cashiers helped me load my groceries on to the conveyor belt. I was like a celebrity in Aldi's today. Go me! Everywhere I went people cooed over our baby today! And I can't blame them, cause she's like the best thing ever. 

 I feel like the super-est mom and wife this week. The flow is going well, the homeschool stuff is rockin', we are getting out of the house a bunch, laundry is churning along (I'm supposed to be folding right now but I'm being totally bad and writing instead). Husband's clothes are mostly caught up. I made lunch for my dear husband everyday except one and tomorrow lunch is already done! I've been to the store (I'd almost rather starve than go shopping). I've been creatively cooking all week. Lentil soup one day and navy bean soup with seasoned pork the other--my own made up recipes even! I'm working hard to balance it all and keep on schedule...

 I LOVE when I can cook meals all week without effort. I love when ideas come naturally and I make time to get dinner done early in the day instead of stressing out over it at dusk, and I LOVEEEE when one meal can lead into the next. Slow cooked pork one night ...then use juices and leftover tender pork pieces for navy bean soup for lunch or dinner-side the next day. I even made chicken fried steak this week with mashed taters and gravy. Sometimes I'm so darn sick of figuring out what's for dinner and I'm like: 'here have some cereal or PB&J, leave me alone now'. Other times I'm like a kitchen ninja! 

And don't get me wrong I still wonder how I'm going to get a bazillion other pertinent things done this week and next, and next...but for now *shrug* I'm hanging tough.

Super Mom

I recently added an occupation to my Facebook profile. I already had 'Stay at Home Mom' as my job but Facebook asked me to get more specific by asking for my position at 'Stay at Home Mom.' Without thinking I instinctively typed "homemaker/awesome wife/super mom." And I've been thinking about it ever since. My husband thinks I'm awesome, and I think I'm awesome (a good portion of the time at least), and now I'm telling everyone that I indeed am awesome -and super. Awesomely super-full of myself perhaps?

 We sure are fed mixed signals about being great and feeling good about ourselves, aren't we? I was fed a healthy dose of self esteem as a grade schooler. The 'you can be anything you want, you can do anything you want, you are special, feel good about yourself' pep talks from school and parents were rampant in the 80's.  All of that self esteem building only to find out later that if we actually feel that way, if we actually have a can-do attitude, and if we actually feel awesome, we are really in a way just putting other people down, and we might be conceded. As life rolls on I've figured out that for just as many people that tell you to feel good about yourself there is a line of people that tell you to feel guilty about it --or to quit making them feel guilty because of your happiness or achievements!

 I have noticed there are lots of articles and blog posts online dedicated to the myth of the super mom; posts about how no one is perfect and about how being a "good enough mom" is good enough. There seems to be a lot of moms out there writing to inspire others to feel good about their decisions, to assure women that we are all fighting the same battle, and that as women, wives, and mothers we don't all have to be: cookie baking, elaborate party throwing, bathroom scrubbing, play date hopping, do-it-all, super moms. I think some of these articles bring a lot to the table, but at the same time some of the things people write aren't very nice. Many of these articles claim that Super Moms don't exist, that moms that seem to juggle life with a smile are fake people or lying, I have even read that Super Moms are actually bullies in disguise trying to make everyone else feel bad. So when I described my occupation as Super Mom I kinda felt bad about it. So I thought about it and I think what most moms probably don't know is that they are Super Moms! Nearly all moms work HARD, so I think moms should start acting like they are super. A mother's work is never done and being a mother is important. Remind me again what job is more important?


I get the sentiment but I still take issue with the "good enough" comment. Who wants to be a good enough mom? Or a good enough doctor? Or a good enough hair stylist? Or a good enough firefighter? I my eyes being the best you can be and being good enough are different things. One is inspiring willpower and accomplishment, the other implies a lackluster attitude and settling for less. I think we should encourage each other and our own selves to be good, even great, each in our own individual ways. No matter what there will always be someone better than all of us (someone smarter, prettier, funnier, more creative, more organized, more patient, more witty, Etc.). But everyone has the potential within them to be the best they can be and feel good about it; I think that is awesome. It is super.

We are all super in different ways.
 Okay some of us might not be super, and some should work on that. Like if you binge drink around your kids, physically or mentally harm your children, hit your partner, or if you abandon your kid or otherwise put your child in danger. In those cases you probably aren't very super mom-ish. In those cases people need to reach out for some help. Generally speaking though moms love their kids and protect their kids. There ARE cruddy moms (and people) out there but generally speaking us moms strive to care for our kids and work hard at it. I work hard at it. I work hard a being fair and being consistent. I work hard at being a good example for my kids. I work hard at having a clean house, a fun life and good kids. I work hard and sometimes I feel really awesome about it, other times I feel like it's never enough and sometimes it's totally exhausting. Sometimes I make little mistakes, sometimes I make big mistakes. What I do know is that as long as I'm trying and working hard I am accomplishing super things. I don't want to be good enough, I want to be the best that *I* can be. As long as I spend time and effort making myself a better person and show love to my family *I* feel full of awesome, and we should all feel full of awesome!

So what is a super mom?
 This is such a loaded term, and it means different things to all of us, and that's good and okay. A Super Mom to me is almost any mom really. A Super Mom is brave enough to love deeply, to try, to cry, to laugh, to be brave enough to be strong and brave enough to be weak. A Super Mom still makes mistakes and knows how to own up to those mistakes. A Super Mom comes in all shapes and sizes. A Super Mom should know that no mater what happens today that tomorrow is another day. Super Moms pace the floor with teething, crying babies and have to sometimes clean up barf at 2am. Super Moms teach kindness to their kids, Super Moms love their kids, Super Moms worry about their kids. Super Moms hold hands with their kids. Super Moms buy store bought play-doh, or make homemade play dough. Super Moms make homemade pizza, or store bought pizza. Super Moms bake from scratch brownies, or store bought brownies. Some Super Moms scrub their houses weekly and some don't. Some Super Moms wear make-up and some don't. Some Super Moms make homemade baby food, some buy it at the store. Super Moms do the best they can with what talents they have. Super Moms make the best decisions they can with the information they have. When a Super Mom makes a mistake she tries better next time.

Traits of Super Heroes
A super hero possess extraordinary powers and abilities... 
Mothers do
A super hero has a strong moral code including a willingness to risk one's own safety in the service of good without expectation of reward...
Mothers do
A super hero has a motivation, such as a sense of responsibility...
Mothers do
A super hero can have both weaknesses and limited capabilities. Super heroes can make mistakes, misjudge and can sometimes lose!
Mothers do

(WHAT? Super heroes can be weak? Defeated? Tired? On the verge of giving up? Yes, and guess what? They are still SUPER!)

I love being a Super Mom (and wife). I happen to enjoy staying home and being a traditional homemaking mother and wife. Not everyone does, but I do. I'm not super at all of it all the time, no one is super at what they do ALL of the time. But in general I feel super, happy, and accomplished at things that are important to me. I have my good days and bad days and I know everyone else does too. I shouldn't be a threat to other Super Moms for saying that I am super nor them to me. Superheros aren't comparing capes with each other and Super Moms shouldn't either. We are all full of awesome.

If you aren't a self proclaimed Super Mom, then maybe it's time you became one. Because if you are a mom and you *LOVE* your child(ren) you probably are a Super Mom in disguise. :)

And now after ignoring my children to write this I'm going to try and reclaim Super Mom feelings within myself and muster up some energy and patience to regain control of the household since my kids are fighting, one is naked, and they are all bored and complaining! Have a great day Super Moms!

Clean Houses, Bathroom Mishaps, Moms Need to Eat

So I had an awesomely-horrible mishap today. I was gone for a few hours to take Sebastian to the dentist. When I left I told the kids what snacks they could have while I was gone, one being string cheese. Everett (2) cries if he doesn’t get string cheese even though he only takes one bite of it and then sets it down.  When I get home I rush into the bathroom from being gone all morning and as I’m washing my hands I notice string cheese on the counter, one bite taken out.  I instantly know Everett left it there, probably sat it down to use the bathroom and forgot about it. As I take a bite and swallow Charlotte knocks on the door, “Mom I have something to tell you.” I jokingly say, “Is it that I’m eating your cheese stick?”  She exclaims, “Mom are you eating that…? Mom, DON’T EAT THE CHEESE STICK THAT’S IN THERE!" I open the door laughing knowing I'm in trouble. "Oh God did it fall in the toilet?" “No, but Everett peed on it, I forgot to throw it away.” I see the humor, I see how gross and unclassy I am for eating off the bathroom counter. I somewhat deserved what I got. I threw it away and had a drink of water. Never a dull moment.

Now in case you don’t know, moms eat leftovers from their kids all of the time. It’s a thing we do. If we didn’t do this we’d waste 50% of the food we bought at the store. Sometimes we do it out of convenience, other times out of pure hunger, other times to prevent waste (I do it for all three reasons). This is not the first time it’s backfired either. Sometimes you discover that you bite into their half-eaten hairy apple, or drink orange juice with pancake at the bottom. Sometimes you think you’ll finish someone’s cereal and find hidden eggs in it.  It’s a dangerous job, but moms get hungry.  

Tonight I was cleaning up for the billionth time this week and remembered that I loved it when a few weeks ago Charotte (16) said, “I see household tips online for cleaning and organizing and big families... sometimes I read through them and think geez we do all these, or have done them at some point, already.” It cracked me up. It’s true though; I’ve tried and do all kinds of things to make life easier and just making running a large household easier. Sometimes you’ve exhausted all the tricks of the trade and the only thing that helps is good old fashioned hard work and the desire not to live in utter chaos.

I was cleaning the bathroom for the third time in a week (toilet, sink and floor…yes 3 times a WEEK) and thought about that cute sign/door mat that says ‘My house was clean last week, sorry you missed it’

I need one that says ‘My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.' When you have nine people living under one roof, I kid you not, that’s how fast things change around here.