Helping People

At the pediatric dentist office today I noticed a woman looking at me. She saw me bustling between my kids and their dental chairs.  I'm used to being stared at. With between 6 to 9 kids in tow at any given time we get stared at just about everywhere we go. She was with her three year old boy and I presumed the man with her was her husband. She looked like life might be hard right now.

As I was checking out with one of the receptionists the woman and her husband were reviewing a treatment plan near me. Apparently our dentist said he could do their child's dental work right then. It appeared this was their first time there. The front desk had printed up the paperwork for them and went over fees. The man had zoned out. His wife yelled at him, "Are you paying attention?! Are you listening? This is important!" It was me staring at them this time. I noticed he was totally not paying attention. He looked as if he was in a trance. He said he was listening but that it didn't matter because they couldn't afford it anyway. He curtly told the front desk they couldn't do it and he told his wife they needed to leave. The mom desperately persisted, "The infection is almost to the tooth pulp!" He again insisted that they didn't have the money. Then they began to argue. It got louder and louder. They loudly discussed credit options but he quickly shut those down for various reasons. Everything got awkward. The other receptionist who was scheduling a handful of future appointments for me didn't pause whatsoever. She talked loudly over them. I couldn't focus at all. I felt myself getting warm and flushed. My heart started to race. A voice inside me told me to do something.

Ricky had told me to watch what I spent this month. We are so tight this month. We will be pretty tight for the next few months. We replaced our central air and heat this spring. Our passenger van needed a new transmission. Ricky needed a new vehicle shortly thereafter. He bought a gem of a used 1995 truck with hardly any miles on it. (We always buy used.) We have five kids enrolled in gymnastics (one is in competitive gymnastics). I am having a little trouble putting gas in my van this month because we are SO busy and my van is fairly expensive to drive. We have six kid birthdays in three months. Charlotte just started college. (Though she pays that, she still lives at home and we help her with incidentals and medical/dental of course.) We have a clogged main line to our septic tank. (I just discovered that this morning!!) I have no idea what it will cost or what the real issue is. But one thing I do know: this month, next month, and the month after, I know for pretty much certain that our kids will all have fixed teeth and food on the table. They will probably still go to gymnastics unless something really, really bad happens, and then toward the end of this year they will wake up to presents under the Christmas tree.

God, we are so blessed. Seriously. 

"Do something, it will be okay" is what I kept hearing in my head. I walked over to them and said I'd pay for it. I had previously overheard it probably was around $200.00. I asked the front desk how much it was total. The mom dropped her jaw and quickly said, "Thank you!" She really sounded relieved. The dad was quiet for a moment and then said thank you while introducing himself to me. I suddenly felt like I was a guardian angel. Like God spoke to me to help them. Something told me deep down everything would work out. The amount scared me a little, $230.00. I said it was fine. I knew I'd figure something out. I knew Ricky would understand. The man then said he could pay half of the cost and that was fair to me because he could pay that much. This was an amazing gesture. He did the right thing to meet me halfway. I was so relieved. Had it been seven months ago I would have insisted I just help them with the full amount. Right now though we're a little tight, but certainly not 'we can't fix our child's teeth' tight. 

We split the bill.

I took my receipt and the family thanked me again as they then paid their portion. I gathered up my crew of kids who had all been either watching me or ransacking the prize bins. As I was walking out the door the hygienist came out and said she needed to talk to me for a second. Our dentist wanted to help out. He heard what I had done and wanted us to be refunded. He would instead cover the portion that I paid for them. I was given a new receipt that said my bank account had now been refunded! Wow.

I believe guardian angels can be beings on Earth. We all hold the power to watch over people, change lives, and bless people. 

Winning a Pie Contest and Meeting Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar (Why I really do love them)

 When we arrived at the Patriot Day Rally we had a few things to get in order: pie drop off, bounce house for kids, find some food. After we got our food I was happy the table seating was taken up because I instead parked us in the grass next to where the Duggar family was signing autographs and meeting people. There was a huge line to meet them. Some of their older kids noticed us as I started spreading out blankets for kids to sit on and as Ricky and I opened chips and drinks for little kids. I often feel like a busy and satisfied mother hen tending to my chicks as I'm: wiping faces, making sure they have the food they will actually eat, helping them with this and that, patting them on the heads, kissing their cheek and laughing at them... or telling them to be good/quiet down... or to STOP fighting.

 The line to meet the Duggar family got longer and longer. I had not planned on waiting in line. I went up close to take some photos of them talking to other people. I just wanted to observe. As more of the event unfolded the Duggar clan soon took the stage leaving the line of people on hold. Their kids sang, played violins, played piano, they talked. 

 I knew our little kids were going to grow bored so we headed off to the playground after a while. Jim Bob and Michelle were telling their life story together which included the motivation behind having a large family, but I already knew some of those things. I wanted to make sure my kids didn't get burnt out and bored so I could listen in later and be there for the winning pie announcement. Sebastian is at this really frustrating (for us all) 3-4 year old screaming/angry stage. He's very independent and having trouble expressing himself and controlling his anger so I try to keep him busy and unruffled.

 We played on the playground and then played closer to the event. We played duck-duck goose, red light green light and ran round like crazies. Sebastian screamed over something, I was worried about him having a meltdown but he was okay. 

Charlotte's unbaked cherry-raspberry pie

 When it was time for door prize announcements we moved in closer. 

my unbaked apple star pie

 Yay pie contest was up first!! Third place was a peanut butter pie, second place they announced was Charlotte! To which I jumped up and down and started yelling, "This is my 16 year daughter!! She won 2nd!!" I'm sure she was thrilled at my yelling. Hahaha. Then they announced my name for 1st place. I jumped up hollering and acting like I was at a pie rodeo. I grabbed Charlotte by the arm and pulled her up to the front of the podium with me. All the while I'm yelling, "Mother-daughter won, mother-daughter won!!" at the top of my excited lungs.

                                                                  I dorked out. Totally.

And not only did they say I won but they said that my pie was exceptional. I'm so happy!

 The lady handing us our ribbons questioned me with a smile, "Wait, did you say you're mother and daughter?" I proudly did not hesitate to confirm that fact once again. When we got back to our seats in the grass some other people asked if we were mother and daughter too. It was fun. Several people thought it was so neat! We thought it was pretty great to win together. Charlotte worked so hard on her pie!

 After we collected our other prizes/ gift certificates I realized I dorked out and Charlotte was sweet and reassured me that it was okay. She's so cute :)  Aunt Sharon had met us at the rally so she got to see. She was so glad she came and didn't miss it!

 It was dark and the little kids were bored, unfortunately the other fun things closed down. We didn't get to the mechanical bull ride or rock wall climb in time. It was a bummer. We walked around the back of the stage area and ended up at the end of the line to meet the Duggar family. I stepped in line and looked at my husband lovingly and asked if we should wait after all. Charlotte was all for waiting in line and so were Sage and Ethan. Ricky said sure but we both had the obvious worry about the younger kids. He took them for a walk to see some emergency vehicles on display. I strapped Everett into the Ergo baby carrier to nurse and he thankfully fell asleep. When Ricky came back Sebastian and Penelope sat in the double stroller and looked bored but tired. It wasn't long until they started fighting, crying or doing both. It was 8pm and dark. I thought the fireworks might start and that would be the perfect line waiting activity, but we found out they didn't start until 9pm. Somehow we entertained the kids, it was touch and go for a little bit but then things were fine. There were jumbo post cards with the Duggar family on them that we could get signed. The kids met about five of the Duggar kids, they were super friendly. They talked and answered questions if you instigated the conversation. I thanked them for being so nice to sign autographs and be at the event, they said they loved it.

 As I approached Jim Bob and Michelle I gushed with a big smile and they returned it. 

 They were just as fantastically refreshed and happy looking as they were at the beginning of the event. There is nothing wrong with the picture above, but I'm telling you they look better than this. Charlotte had mentioned earlier how much younger they looked in person, and it's so, so true! They look great and younger! They beam with happiness and gratitude for their happy and content lives. They glow with love for each other. That's what first attracted me to them so many years ago. As I gushed and told them we wanted a big family and now have seven kids they were super happy for us. I totally thought they probably hear that all the time and would be like 'oh yes that's so nice dear now run along'. But it wasn't like that at all, they were interested in our kids and us! I thanked them for being an inspiration to us and that having lots of kids was something we already wanted to do but were afraid to plunge into. I said, "People think you are crazy when you have a lot of kids." Jim Bob laughed, "Well it is a little crazy." :) I laughed back, "Okay, it's actually a lot crazy, but so wonderful! They said they had to get a picture with our family which really made me happy. I wasn't going to ask but they jumped right up and joined our kids in line for a picture. I was so happy they wanted too! 

 As I introduced Ricky to both of them Jim Bob shook hands with Ricky and quipped, "There's the good guy." I can totally see Jim Bob in politics (as he has been) he's very personable and very charismatic. Jim Bob took the time to ask how old Everett was as he slept in the Ergo even though Everett had his face hidden. Michelle commented on my Ergo baby carrier. (Moms bond over Ergos!)  She said, "Aren't Ergos the best carriers, we have a few of those."

 Nicest people I've ever met. They had met hundreds of people over the past 4-5 hours and they were that nice to us. I feel like they actually looked at the people they talked to and met.

 I don't care that they believe in somethings I do and somethings I don't. I don't care they are "extreme." I'm fascinated by them and always have been. We didn't have a big family because Jim Bob & Michelle did, but it has sure made me feel better about it at times. Made me feel less alone I guess. When they look at each other I see how Ricky and I look at each other. When I hear them talk about children it's how we feel about our children. It was wonderful meeting such wonderful happy people. I'm amazed they have so many children and I'm inspired by them in various ways.

 Sometime in late 2004 or early 2005, before people knew who they were,  I caught a TLC documentary on TV called 14 kids and pregnant again. Ricky and I had four kids and wanted another couple of kids at least. So this show was a must see for me. I thought four kids was busy...I couldn't wait to see how a household of 14 ran! This show was my first TV encounter with the Duggar family and it covered lots of things I wanted to know:
Why do they only have one closet?
How much do they spend on groceries?
How much laundry do they do every day? And who does it?
How can they support such a large family?
How does each child feel about being a member of such a large family?
What do they do for fun?
Where does everybody sleep?
Do the kids ever get in fights?
How are conflicts settled?
How do you home school so many different ages?

 I recorded the show and watched it with Ricky and we found it interesting. It was the first time that I truly believed we could have more kids and be okay. Soon I heard about them on morning shows and in follow up shows on TLC. I remember telling my husband after we had Penelope, baby number five, that I had heard 'that family with the 14 kids are up to 16 kids now.' They soon became a household name in our own home. I enjoyed hearing about their new additions. I recorded their documentary style TLC shows to show our kids how their big family ran as I struggled to find our own groove and routine. As the laundry and chores at my house piled up I felt like if they could do it so could I. We were also new to homeschooling at that time. The Duggars were the first family with more than five children that I remember being exposed to. They inspired me and helped me see that we could do what we wanted to do, which was have more kids because it was what we believed in and it was the path we felt truly lead to. Their birth control beliefs struck me as especially interesting because we hold our own unique and in some ways similar beliefs as well. It didn't matter to us that they are extreme in their lifestyle. They are who they are and I enjoy the pieces that I connect with, which is really what we should do with all people. Their love and commitment for their family, their beliefs, their home and each other was and still is full of familiar and happy inspiration for me. I feel like people think they need to be exactly like each other in order to respect, embrace or admire one another. The best thing I learned in my young adult years was that this notion is totally wrong and dangerous. The saddest thing I discovered is that people love to hate each other. It's all over in our society. When I really opened my eyes to it I saw it everywhere. We all expect our children not to bully each other but our society shows adult bullying and the berating of people all of the time. It's in the news, in our own lives, in celebrity news, on TV and movies. Hate because some one is too fat or thin, too ugly or too beautiful, too outspoken, gay, because of political or religious beliefs. Hate just because. Read the comments at the bottom of news stories and opinion pieces, the hate is thick. Hate is the default emotion of 'I don't agree.' The biggest change I made over the years was to make doubly sure I didn't hate on others for who they are and that I didn't teach hate to my children. I was already teaching that to my kids but I had to make sure I was living that way. I now try hard to find the good in people, because it's there.  When I started doing that I felt more free because of it. Learning how to do that in a society of bullying and self righteousness takes realization, acceptance, self discovery and at times effort.

In a world where we aren't rallying against abusers and rapists or rioting in the streets over hungry and abused children in our very OWN country, heck in our very own communities,  I hold a lot of sadness and disappointment in people who take the time to criticize the Duggar family.

Related topics:
In Defense of the Duggars  

The Anti-bully Bullies 

The Top 10 Most Bullied Internet Celebrities People just being people, except hateful people band together and decided when people apparently aren't allowed to just be themselves.

Cyber-bullying cripples even celebrities  

Cyber / Bullying Statistics 

Eggshells: Telling Another Parent They Are Wrong

So how does one tell another parent, a stranger in public, that they are totally out of line and ridiculous towards their child?

Well this is how I did it. And it didn't really feel good, but it did feel right...

   At the park I was enjoying my kids. We brought a hot dinner and were having a fun time picnicking and playing. As I was pushing three year old Sebastian on the "baby swings" (which I will from now on call safety swings) a little boy nearby pleaded with his dad to push him on them too. He said no. The boy persisted. His dad said no, "Those are baby swings for kids three and under." I was shocked because this little boy was much, much smaller than my three year old who fit just fine in the swing.

   The dad continued telling the little boy he'd push him on the regular size swings. The little boy said he really wanted the other swings. The dad said they were for little kids. He earnestly pleaded, "BUT, I AM a little kid." No you aren't was his reply. "You're are a big kid, not a baby." My heart ached for the little boy.

   The pleading continued as steam started to rise up in me; I got angry, I got that bad feeling in my gut. I told myself to just ignore it. The boy stopped complaining for a minute. I focused on talking to Sebastian as I wondered what he thought of the situation. Sebastian is a big boy: strong, wild, confident, and tough. He didn't mind being on those "baby swings." Just as I had started to enjoy the park again the little boy cried and pleaded again with his dad. It was getting ridiculous. In the dad's defense he stayed clear and concise and did not get angry at the child, but he was very cold and uncaring. His lack of empathy was just brutal though. That's what got to me. I mean it, it was BRUTAL. I let go of my anger and growing hate and just took it all in. I tried reasoning with myself and with the situation. The dad continued to meet the child's pleading and now crying for a chance at the baby swing with rejection. The dad told his kid that he was just tired, he was big, and that he was not pushing him unless it was on the big swing. The boy was so sad. It was a huge playground scene at this point and everyone was watching.

   A woman came into the picture, I can only assume his mother, and she said nothing. I thought for a moment oh good the mom, she'll talk to the dad. Nothing. They hardly spoke. She just sat down and the begging continued. Maybe she wasn't his mom, maybe she was the man's girlfriend. I don't know. She seemed very uninvolved. At this point I thought it was all over. I thought I can now release the tightness in my chest and pain in my gut over this crappy guy who is treating his kid crappy and trying to be some macho bad ass by winning a power struggle over a safety swing. Then the little boy said once again in desperation, "But I AM a little kid."

   And because he was right, he was a little kid, I calmly walked over to the man and boy. I looked at the little boy first and said, "Hey little guy I'm sorry you are so sad." He looked at me kindly. I then said to the dad, "Hey I'm trying to be friendly here so please don't take this the wrong way; what's wrong with him just having a turn at the little swings?" He told me that the boy is just tired and he can go on the big ones, he does all the time. I kindly said, "But, they are only little for a short time. Believe me I'm not trying to say you are wrong, just give a different perspective, I'm sure you are doing a great job and you love him to death. I know how hard parenting is, I have seven kids, my oldest is 15. One thing that I have learned though is to I pick the battles that matter. I have kids that I don't want dating until they are older, or wearing make up, or watching inappropriate movies, those are the important battles to me. At the end of the day doesn't it matter the most that he had a good time at the park?" The dad sort of shook his head yes, but said the kid was big enough for the other swings. I agreed he was big enough. I asked the dad if he knew why the boy might want to try the little swings. He said no. I offered that maybe he wanted to try something new and different today. The dad seemed like that might be a good reason. I told him that I just wanted to put the thought out there, that I felt his little boy was a little boy and to just think about in case it helps things because he won't be little long. I also tried to explain to him that kids have such a different view on things than we do, that I've researched a lot about preschoolers, and that if I hadn't learned what made little kids tick, and how to deal with them I would have gone crazy a long time ago. I reiterated again, "They have reasons, they have a different view and feel differently than we do about things." He took it all in as I talked. I have no idea if he was just being polite or what. I commented about how it's very interesting why little kids are indecisive, why they lie, why they do lots of things. It makes sense to them at the time. He nodded and I sympathized again how hard parenting is. I then got down to the little boys level and said, "It's hard being a little AND big kid, huh?" He smiled a half smile and with his little sad voice he said, "yeh." I told him to have some fun at the park before he had to go. I said, "Maybe go down the slide or something, ok?"

   Before they left the woman, I still presume his mom, pushed him on those "baby swings." I have no idea if I helped a family or hurt the situation. (The woman did not hear my little intrusion speech. I think she was too far away.) The dad seemed civil (but macho) and not too annoyed that I talked to him but who knows. I have no idea what to do when I'm confronted with these things in public. In the past and on rare occasion, (VERY rare) if I say something to a parent it's hardly ever been in a kind, caring concerned tone. It's been in a 'you're such a jerk to your kid' aggressive type comment as I'm leaving the situation. That is not productive. That only feeds anger. I promised myself a long time ago to never do that again. Let go of the anger and judgement that builds up inside. Don't fight fire with fire. Fight fire with understanding and compassion. If I feel I *have* to say something then I tell myself to do it to make a difference and not add gasoline to the fire. The thing is... it takes more effort, more understanding, more patience to do what I did. It takes almost no courage and it takes zero understanding to fire back insults and disapproval.

Compassion. I acted out of compassion again this week! I just realized it!

This has been my mantra for a long while now, and it made me a better, calmer, more loving person

Park Slide Parenting

Today I witnessed a mother give her three year old little girl a very stern time out for going up the slide...but no other kids were using the slide. Mom seemed really angry about it, which is what bothered me most. The kiddie area wasn't busy when it happened, in fact once in a while Sebastian and Penelope ran up the3ft slide, but did mostly other things. Everett went down it a little. Pretty much it was really empty.*

I was really trying to not judge, but I was a little. I felt bad for the little girl. Parents with follow through and well behaved kids are refreshing...but so are happy-go-lucky kids blowing off energy on a playground. I feel that good parents also explain why they demand something that seems hard for the child to follow; clear reasons why the demand should be met by the child complying. A three year old also often greatly benefits from distraction. Examples: Don't climb up the slide, let's _________ instead. Ideas for the blank: swing, climb, run to the next playground, look at the birds, feed the geese, climb the ladder, show me how you do it right...

I pick my battles carefully... ones worth winning. I save my battle gear for my girls when they need to wear proper underwear or shorts under dresses, when they have to be buckled into their car or booster seats, when they do something rotten to one of their siblings or when they need to wash their hair. I'm careful about picking battles because later on I really need to win the ones about shorts/skirts being too short, or no make up until 15. I need to have good reasons to back up my requests when they are 3, 5 or 9 --I need GREAT reasons when they are 12, 14 and 16.

If I would have been bold I would have told the three year old that her mommy is just worried about someone getting hurt and that I only let my kids run up when no one is using the slide. I'd tell her that when people are on it my kids can't run up either and I'm going to tell my kids to stop now too. I'd also tell her, her mommy is doing the best job keeping her safe. Then maybe instead of sitting on the edge of the playground sad looking and very, very confused she would have learned something. Instead (and since the three year old girl wasn't in direct eye shot of us anymore but her mom was) because I was just in a cantankerous mood I said,

"Hey Penelope, Come here!?

She skipped to me, her blue eyes sparkling and her hair blowing in the spring breeze, "What, mom?"

"I want to watch how fast you can run up that slide!"

I'm just really into letting kids be kids.

*kids running up slides IS a pet peeve of mine, and it can be very dangerous for little kids. But in the toddler section of a playground I just felt rather apathetic about it. My kids never run up slides when the playground is busy, if some one is waiting, or if you can't see the top.  If they do and the playground is busy I remind them. It's something I taught them over time, simple common sense I had always thought. This is totally about the angry attitude the parent displayed than a stupid slide, it irritated me!

So as these parenting in public things go I probably have people sitting at home judging me because Sebastian threw a big fit at the park. It's hard to pinpoint what it was about, but he had a melt down. He's three. It totally happens. So I tired to help him but he'd just cry louder so put him down and let him wriggle and roll on the pavilion floor for 10 minutes as he wailed. I'm sure lots of people wished I would have done something different. I offered snacks, I offered distractions, I asked him if he wanted to go to the car... Nothing. He was mad. He stayed mad. It ruined the whole quiet park for a really solid and loud 10-15 minutes. Finally I distracted him by showing him a bird that hopped by. He didn't stop because of the bird, he stopped because he was ready. I bet someone somewhere thought man my kid will never do that. :) LOL.

Baby Lisa

The missing Kansas City baby has my heart pounding and my nerves rattled.


I'm sad and nervous for the parents. I think it's horrible that they've been treated so badly; their local media, the community passing judgment, the police who interrogated them for 11 hours one day and then AGAIN the next day. The police accused her to her face. :(

I think that it's really hard to do the whole innocent until proven guilty thing sometimes...but it's important. Benefit of the freaking doubt people. Just for a little while. The baby hasn't even been gone a week. :( I just feel so bad for them and baby Lisa.

My heart is trembling for them because...

About three weeks ago my kids had the door open and were running in and out all morning. We have a baby gate at the front door that we usually keep up, it's not a great one but it's good enough when we keep an eye on it. The 3 and 5 year old climb over it to get outside and it loosens it after a while and it falls. After lunch Everett had just been walking around the living room playing with toys. I was in and out of my room and in the bathroom sorting laundry and such. After about 5 minutes I said, "Where did Everett go?" I looked at the front door and the gate was down. Usually if the door is open at least some kids are outside, after all we do have 7 of them! I walked outside and it was silent. No kids. We have a fenced in yard so it's not an immediate panic type thing but the fact that a baby could easily be snatched from the front yard never escapes my thoughts. I walked back inside and said to the kids in the dining room, "Have you seen Everett? No one is outside, where is everyone?" Charlotte was in her room upstairs. Two kids were in the dinning room, other kids came from other areas as I spoke. My boys started looking for him and calling his name. I ran to the road outside even though the yard is fenced. Then I saw the side gate was open. It is not close to the road, but he can walk. He can walk verrry fast. I yelled for more kids to come out and look with me. Nothing. We had to make sure the road was clear of him. I walked out in the middle of the street and looked around me before heading back inside. Just like how you check bodies of water FIRST. You check all dangerous places first.

All the kids, even the 3 year old, started looking around the downstairs with me. I sent one kid outside to look in the yard even better (behind the tree, Etc). Still no baby. I yelled for Charlotte who was in her room upstairs to look upstairs. He never goes upstairs but he has the climbing ability to get up there and the door leading upstairs was open. She said he wasn't up there, this is when she joined the search. We scoured the house and I hollered out ideas inside and outside to check. I got panicked after about 90 seconds of frantic looking. Basement door- locked. Behind any doors- no. Under tables - no. In the bathroom or bathroom closet - no. In closets -no. Kitchen pantry - no. We were looking every place we could think of. Layla got panicked and cried out a little, "Mom I'm scared!" I held it together and told her we have to stay calm. I told her I was very scared, but we have to just keep looking. The kids looked and looked and looked.

I knew he was probably here somewhere. Child abductions are rare, even though they haunt us like they lurk in every corner of a neighborhood. I told myself he has to be here, but what am I missing. We have no water that would be a danger. The house is fairly safe if the basement door is locked. I tried to call Ricky at work and got his work voicemail. I sent him a cell phone text that said 9-1-1.

I went to the road again out of fear he was some place dangerous, I didn't know Charlotte was there looking already. I checked the back porch and back yard. He couldn't get to those places, but you still HAVE to check them. When I was checking the back porch I saw the side garage door was open. My eyes caught a  image of the open garage door and the sight swirled in my head, it almost made me dizzy. Black from the dark inside, against the white garage siding. I starred at it for a few seconds and thought to myself slowly: What. If. I. Never. See. Him. Ever. Again. What if this has happened to us...someone took him.

If he's not in the garage I'm calling 9-1-1, I decided. He wasn't in the garage. I was still clutching the phone and took a breath. I thought to myself that before I call 9-1-1 I have to make sure I checked every single place. Kids are not reliable searchers. I have to check upstairs, DUH! Charlotte only checked for a second when I called her down. I ran up the stairs and flew down the hallway. He was happily playing in his little sisters bedroom. He looked up at me with those blue eyes and I could barely catch my breath. I wanted to cry my eyes out but instead through tears I send my husband a text that everything was ok. Didn't want him leaving a meeting or freaking out upon seeing it. I yelled for the other kids that he was safe. When Charlotte hit the bedroom she landed on the floor scooped him up and we sat down with him and bawled. He toddled away from us smiling.

I had to spend what, 3-4 minutes with a lost baby? I'm not sure how long, but long enough to get my phone ready to call 9-1-1. I can not even imagine what I would have done if he had been taken or if he had been hurt or killed. I still hold him and think, "I almost never saw you again." That isn't true, I didn't almost never see him again. I did however know what it felt like to search my house for a lost baby. I just didn't have to actually live the part where he doesn't get found :(

If some one had accused me of murder or of being neglectful I would have ripped their tongue out. I have never been judgmental of a family who has lost a baby. It's just not fair. Pool accident, lawnmower accident, gun accident, bath tub accident, pulling a TV on themselves or a kidnapping. Those who judge others think it couldn't happen to them. What a foolish selfish thing to think. I even defend families whose babies die in hot cars. I don't understand it, I barely comprehend it. But to be vicious to others is just not right. I'm compassionate to others. I'd rather give someone a cautious benefit of the doubt than shun them in their hour of darkness and unthinkable pain.

I'm so, so sorry for baby loss. No matter how that loss occurs.