The Mother's Day Cards Are Lost

I bought cards for many mothers: my mother, other people's mothers, and especially my sister who is a brand new mother. I bought a card for my Aunt Sharon who is like a mother to me and grandmother to my children. I bought cute cards, funny cards, sweet cards. I bought cards to say all kinds of lovely thoughtful words. I bought them all early so I wouldn't run out of time. I told Ricky to buy his mom one early too. They were in a bag and the bag floated between my purse, the kitchen counter, and then my purse again. I looked for the book of stamps to mail them over a week ago, but the stamps were missing. No one knows who lost my stamps...but I'm sure it wasn't me. So back in the purse the cards went. So much for mailing early. Eventually I found one stamp in all of the house and it went on an envelope as I frantically mailed the kids' summer camp registrations...the exact day the registration was due. Made it in the mailbox one hour before the mailman came.

So, back in the purse the cards went, then in the car, and finally somehow for some reason they laid on the back porch table. They were shuffled onto a picnic table outside near our driveway when we cleaned the porch...then they disappeared somehow. In all the chaos of cleaning and painting our nearly dilapidated porch I lost the cards. In all the hardship of leaky septic systems, new plumbing being installed and other service workers coming over, I lost them. In and out of all the busy days juggling kids to events, preschool, grocery shopping (at a store that doesn't sell stamps), cooking dinner for an army, homeschooling, and emergency dental visits, I lost them. Like all hardworking moms, life revolves around kids and not much else.

I have no stamps, no cards, no time. I have happy kids with sticky fingers and fixed teeth. I have a lot of stress, a ton of love, some tears, much laughter, lots of hope, a bit of  insanity, glimpses of peace, too much laundry, and a circle of vibrant women dear to me who would understand all of it because they are moms.

I love you moms! I really do. My birth one, my aunt one, my grandmother ones, my in law one, my  my sister one, my friend ones. I love you all for doing and being the best you can for your kids and families during the best and worst of times. It's not easy. And we keep marching on, and we keep loving on, and we keep our children's hands on our hearts.

I love you circle of moms. Cards or no cards.

Mothers change the world through children

Sebastian...the boy behind the fits

Two weeks ago Sebastian (5) said, "When I'm a grown up I will still live here because Everett will still need me to take care of him."

How totally precious.

 The other day I saw Everett in our tulip tree out front (the kid climbs up anything). Sebastian stepped under him and said, "I'll catch you!" Everett fell and they both hit the ground flat. Thank goodness they were both laughing and neither one was hurt. It was funny. Like a floppy Grover falling on top of another floppy Grover. Now Everett runs under Penelope and Sebastian when they are on the playground out back and says "I catch you!" He's dangerously copying exactly the brotherly love Sebastian showed him.
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Tonight Sebastian had a monster size meltdown after we summoned him inside and took his stick away for the night. It was after he was yelling, being mean and repeated physical hurting/grabbing of people. At first it seemed like we might avoid a big fit but I think I may have exasperated the situation by making a point that I was taking his stick away too. Saying that he had to come in for the night and it was time for him to leave his stick outside (something we do each night anyway) would have been a gentler approach than me saying he had to come inside for the night AND I was taking his stick away too. Subtle difference but the way I made him feel powerless was huge to him. It showed too because he came back with the classic I can do whatever I want line. That totally translates to 'I'm my own person and I don't want to be controlled by you.'

So he yelled and cried for his stick for 15 minutes. I finally calmed him down by cleaning up his room and making jokes about stuff and making small talk with mostly myself. Soon he started up a conversation with me. This isn't always this easy (and 15 minutes is easy with him, he can go on in self-pity, anger, and feeling sad for a A LONG time) but sometimes it is easy. Once he perked up we finished cleaning his room together and then made some popcorn for everyone. Bath time and tooth brushing went smoothly and he was all smiles. I pulled down his covers and he said to me, "Even when I'm a grown up I'll still live here, did you know that?" I said, "Really!? That's cool!" He said, "Yup, I will live here so I can still help out."

I'm sitting here wanting to put into words what hearing that means to me. Since we are so "unfair" and so "mean." Since we aren't the bosses and since we can't tell him what to do, and since he told me last week that he could go run away into the woods if he wants to. To hear he wants to stay, to hear his ideas on why he'll live here when he's a grown up --that he wants to be a part of our family and that he clearly sees value in who he is in the family... it's priceless. He knows he helps, he knows he's loved and wanted. He knows his little brother Everett looks up to him. Penelope is friends with him. The older kids are helpers and buddies to him. His mom and dad feed, clothe, and love him. He is really blinded by it all when he's angry and frustrated, but when he's clear headed and being himself he's our happy, talkative, helpful, and vibrant Sebastian of the family. We wouldn't be the same without him. He's got a tough personality. I love him right through it.

Sebastian when he was three, he has not changed much. He's still an ol' scurvy dog!

10 Hard Things about Having a Large Family (for me)

1. Cleaning House 

My expectation for the kitchen: it needs to look un-lived in AND cute.

Nothing is ever good enough at my house. The bathroom needs cleaned 2-3x per week, the kids and dogs require me to sweep the living room floor at least 10x a week (the kitchen floor alone actually gets swept 14-20 times a week) I never feel like I can relax (however I am technically relaxing right now wasting time plucking away at my blog). Notice I said that bathroom "needs" cleaned 2-3 times a week..it doesn't always necessarily get done that often! I feel like my life is in pieces most of the time, always in need of being put back together again by me. A couple of kids are two days past baths. The laundry needs folded. The living room is dusty. Everett won’t stop dumping water on the floor. The back porch looks terrible. The storage clothing closet needs sorted. The yard is a mess. There is chicken, goose or goat poop (or all three!) on the porch. I'm pretty sure anyone that comes over to my house expects it to be... oh I dunno, lived in by 10 people. Someone should have told me if I wanted my home to look like a vintage version of Pottery Barn I shouldn't have had 8 kids, but I bet wouldn’t have listened anyway.

I've actually gotten much better over the years, but the never-ending list of what I need and want to get done, on top of children who make messes 24/7, make it hard for me to just let go and enjoy my home. I'm working on this constantly. I have gotten better than I used to be. It's okay to go to bed with a messy bathroom, craft supplies on the kitchen table, ‘base10 blocks’ on the dining room floor, laundry in the washer, and dust bunnies under the couch... and just be in peace about it all for the night.

I told myself in December not to fret about our bedroom and as a result it's been a mess since December. It's an exercise I'm trying ...be content with the mess because it is temporary and I'll get caught up when other stuff gets caught up...enjoy the baby, enjoy the kids, work when you can.

While this post sat in my drafts folder my friend wrote this piece titled The Housework Can Wait? And I couldn't agree more! It's terrible parenting advice to tell others not to clean house. We have to find balance, yes, but there are things that have to be done. Letting the house fall apart at the seams is good for no one.

2. Going Camping (and fishing)
We are totally outdoor people, me even more than my hubby because mosquitoes think he is delicious but leave me alone. The sheer logistics of taking 10 people camping boggles the mind and gives my husband nightmares. I want our kids to remember going camping (and fishing!) growing up, but so far we just have fires and weenie roasts in the backyard all summer long. (We used to camp a little but haven't in over 6 years or so) It’s still a lot of fun having at-home outdoor fun nearly every weekend but I wish we could do more. I'm super adventurous and impulsive, so we really should just get up and go camping; sounds so simple until we start planning. The kids have recetly taken to camping out on our trampoline.

3. My Ambition is not compatible with my lifestyle

This goes a little bit with number one. I want to do a million things, so I attempt to do a half-million of them to be conservative in my wish list. I finish five and tell myself: "one day at a time" and "what doesn't get done will be okay." My kitchen needs finished painting (just one tiny corner!), the basement needs finished painting -hell according to me any wall without paint needs to be painted. I want to start keeping bees.We also decided we should raise rabbits. Turkey are coming to join our small homestead...so ambitious.
 My husband is such an enabler too! Last weekend we went to Home Depot for a simple gas can and while there I declared I wanted paint for the upstairs hall. So what do you think he did?  He bought it for me. God love him. He should tell me no sometimes.

I have lots of ideas on the back burner: some business related, some personal, some birth work related... none of them very compatible with a full time homeschooling mom of eight.

4. Enjoying the kids

We enjoy them plenty but with so many kids there is always room for improvement. It's not just about making the time (although we have to do that too especially for the teens), but we have to also tell ourselves to slow down and just enjoy them, or we'll miss the good stuff as we juggle the crazy stuff.  Let’s face it sometimes these little kids run amok, and it’s hard on us. One time some kid wiped their butt on the shower curtain. Another time we found baby carrots in the bathroom drain. The kids hurt our ears they talk so loud, and they climb on top of each other like playgrounds. Sometimes there are days that a kid is always crying or yelling. 

This is what a busy mom looks like knee deep in kids and pumpkins! Some one is even crying...

  Just walking in the door with them this afternoon after a day out was hard. While I was trying to gather everyone's coats and shoes I was simultaneously changing the baby's diaper on my bed. This is also what was going on: Sebastian trying to tell me something he did at preschool, Penelope asking me to help pull her boots off, Everett asking where a plate was as he shows me he suddenly has a handful of graham crackers, and I'm still trying to take my coat off and change the baby's diaper. We were literally home for less than 60 seconds and that much was happening all at once!

We can focus on all of that craziness and let it overwhelm us, or we can focus on enjoying our little hobgoblins instead.

5. Saving money

There is always something you need regardless of having a big family or not. It’s called life. There are always wants vs. needs -and the wants can be hard to ignore. The needs are amplified when you have a gazillion animals and kids though. Just when it seems like saving money seems doable (or just when we actually have money saved up) something happens to drain it all. When you have more kids there are more things that can pile up. Dentist and medical bills can be...yikes. Home repairs are killing us this year.

6. Making time for other people

My family squeezes every last ounce from me. It's not a bad thing to me, but since I give near 100% to my husband and kids there is not much left to give and that is sometimes hard. It’s not that I feel like I don't have time for myself, but I instead feel like I don't have time for anyone else. I want to reach out, send cards, donate my time, be there for a friend, go to a moms night out, attend a woman's retreat my friends have, but I just don't have the time or energy. I mean well. I pray for others and think about others very often. I often have people in my heart and mind and no one even knows it. In turn, Ricky feels the same way. He works a lot, and then he has family time. After that there isn't a lot of time for extra things.

When we try to get involved with service projects or some other thing it's often hard because of our various ages. There are things we just can't do with little kids in tow, and it's a sacrifice for all of us to have to miss out on some things. That's just our life and everyone's life is different.

Ricky and I are admittedly pretty selfish about our free time. We want to spend it all with each other. It's really quite sweet, and it's our marriage and our life and we are happy with it. I know we'll never regret the time spent with each other and the kids now. So we do what we can and don’t stress about it, but it is hard sometimes when it feels like we don’t have time for anything else. Someday the kids won’t take up so much of our time and we know that. We embrace them and each other now. 

7. Eating

This is super obvious. Feeding a large family is a large task. Eating out is expensive and a special treat. Eating in is very time consuming and it costs a large chunk of money, too. On average I spend at least 3-4 hours in the kitchen each day and it's not doing the fun, pretty stuff I wish I was doing...like rolling out cinnamon rolls or canning apples. It's fetching milk for little mouths, putting snack platters out, cooking up three different types of eggs for breakfast and throwing a home cooked meal together for dinner –all while literally tripping over an insane kid named Everett (or telling him to get off the kitchen table for third time in 10 minutes). Even if I was doing the fun stuff I'd be doing it while tripping over at least three kids which makes it more stressful and not as much fun. It's all fun and games until someone picks their nose and then dips their finger into the cake batter. Question the food you eat from my house if made in the presence of toddlers or preschoolers. Ha!

The thing I look forward to the most when my kids are grown is baking, gardening, and canning. I have an entire storybook scene in my head of me happily frolicking in my garden, picking, canning, cooking, baking and then having all the children and grandchildren over for dinner once or twice a week...I'll wipe the grand-children's little noses and faces with my apron and say things to my grown children like 'Oh, let them make a mess, I have no one but your dad to pick up after these days...’

8. Noise

Someone is always talking to me! ALWAYS! Sometimes it's three or four kids at once. There's a kid talking in my ear right now. She's been talking for 45 minutes. I'm not kidding. I'm giggling typing this because it's so funny and perfect timing for this post. When they aren't talking to me they are talking to someone else. It can also be hard to manage the noise level of so many people, especially the ones that are ‘volume level’ challenged. The positive side is that everyone learns really good group communication and turn taking (eventually). We do raise our hands on particularly high volume days. We respond quicker to hand raisers and the little kids learn waiting a wee bit easier when their hand is raised, we nod or put a finger up indicating in 1 minute you are next.

9. Running out for something

It's hard to just run out of the house to get milk or whatever. Even though I have older kids at home, I don't like leaving the kids home alone. If I do run out for a ‘quick trip' it takes me at least two hours to just leave the house because it’s hard for me to just pick up and leave. First of all I have to ask myself a million questions: Should we do school work first? Is everyone fed? Does the kitchen need cleaned up? Is anyone fighting? Is anyone going to fight? Who should keep an eye on who? Who should I bring with me? Will Everett fall asleep in the car? Do I want Everett to fall asleep in the car? How much money is left in my grocery account? Where is my cell phone? Does the baby need nursed first? Where are my shoes? Do I even have clothes on…?

(Then on my way out out to the car I get the chickens some feed and water and inevitably get poop on my shoes or hands, or both. Farm life.)

If if need something specific like glue, crayons or printer ink I'm WAY more likely to just order it from Amazon Prime than to ever step a foot out my door.

10. I'm the Domestic Goddess/ Household Manager/ Boss

If it were just me and Ricky I'd seriously be happy as a clam just doting on him and keeping house. I'm convinced I'd clean house in my pearls. I love being a homemaker! I love: baking, cooking, canning, gardening, sewing, scrapbooking, etc. In my fantasy life without kids I'd volunteer two days a week at the food pantry or local woman's shelter. I'd host little teas and brunches for me and my friends and invite Ricky's coworkers over for dessert and drinks on Friday nights. 
 Ricky has told me several times that I can keep homemaking forever if I want to, and never work outside of the home. I jokingly exclaimed, "Dang, I wish you would have told me I could have been a housewife without all these kids! Sign. Me. Up."

In reality we have a gaggle of kids who are going to mess up the house and no one is going to care unless I care. No one is going to organize a housework routine/schedule unless I do it. No one is going to have home-cooked meals unless I make them. No one is going to have clean or folded laundry unless I do it (or tell them to do it). In fact: next to no one is going to brush their teeth either. Sometimes I am plum sick of telling everyone what to do! And it's A LOT of people to get organized. But, it's just the way it is. Charlotte is amazing and really pitches in when she sees an area lacking, she’s a lifesaver in the kitchen and I am so thankful. Ricky is very helpful too but he's not expected to help with most of the housework. I'm expected to ask him if I need something really specific from him regarding housework. (Example: can you clean the bathroom.) When he's home Ricky is always playing with a kid or doing something with a kid -or four of them at a time, so he's plenty busy when he's home. Since he works 50+ hours a week outside the home I don't expect him to ever touch the laundry or dishes. (Although there are lots of times he does on the weekend, especially if we have a newborn, and I sure do appreciate it.) He maintains the outside, fixes stuff, and helps as needed in the home, but other than that he's supposed to just keep doting on me and the kids. He works hard outside the home, I want him to enjoy the kids and not have to help me too much. The teenage boys are awesome usually. They are kind and willing to help, but like most teens they need to be told extremely specific things that need to be done. We do use a chore chart, but it changes a lot and it requires me to change it and organize it. I usually just resort to making simple lists on the whiteboard that I change everyday and we all dig in to what needs to get done. 

 Bottom line: I have lots of helpers, but I still have to be the organizer. And it gets really, really tiring being that person. Sometimes I wish someone would organize and plan everything out for me, and then let me go sit in a hammock and read when I am done with my chores! But monotony comes with any job or responsibility, be it at home or not! So I keep at it...

Layla made this drawing at Thanksgiving - I am expecting baby #8
 

I let my babies eat dirt (and occasionally a bug)

Baby Bee met another milestone!  Eating dirt in the exploratory sense is a developmental milestone and right of passage in our household. I have lots of pictures of every kid in dirt and mud. Many of the photos are of infants through age six, many barefoot, all happy and healthy.

Today was a beautiful day; I once again have an infant at spring time. It's amazing and mind blowing to us that about every two or three years we have another infant in our arms, in the grass, and on the ground. We love the outdoors and on any nice day I'd rather be outside than in; I love all that open space and moving air. As spring arrives I shovel, weed, and plant near a sitting up, crawling, or toddling infant who always ends up plopped down in the middle of grass and dirt. We leave them to play at our feet and they are so happy doing so. Quickly they snatch up leaves with their tiny hands and smear dirt over their tiny lips and tongues. I wipe the excess from their mouths gingerly and I chuckle at them. Before I go back to tending to my flower beds I often grab the camera to record the free spirit of a baby at peace with eating a wee bit of dirt. It's not the same for them as it us for us you know, it's not gross to them. The gritty feeling doesn't even phase them. They look totally content. With every single baby I wonder how much stuff they put into their mouths that we never even see.

From: Babies Know: A Little Dirt Is Good for You   
"In studies of what is called the hygiene hypothesis, researchers are concluding that organisms like the millions of bacteria, viruses and especially worms that enter the body along with “dirt” spur the development of a healthy immune system."

I remember Everett was an infant "the year of the cicada hit." They were invading porches and yards in hoards. The buzzing sound singing from the woods and grass was almost deafening. Some of our friends down the road were being dive bombed on their porches they had so many. We saw them everywhere and they were loud, but we kind of enjoyed them! (We were not being dive bombed!) At the time baby Everett was about six months old. He was sitting up happy to play anywhere, especially outside. Everett would find cicadas almost anywhere and plop them into his curious little mouth. He'd swish and suck on them and scream like heck when we would take them away from him. At first we were a little grossed out but after the fourth cicada it was part of life.

I wrote this spring of 2011 after his first cicada :
Things Everett ate today (that I know of) that he didn't have permission to eat: some grass, 1 piece dog food, 1 cicada. Yea, I said cicada. Everyday outside I hear the words, "Mom, Everett's going to eat a cicada!" Today no one saw him get one... until he was gagging and I scooped it out of him. It was totally gummed up by him. Ha! Being a baby is so awesome.
      

Everett 6 months old 2011. He's probably looking for something earthy to taste.

After that incident he would some how acquire a cicada while just sitting on our lap outdoors, not even in the grass! And even inside the house on occasion we'd find him with one. Those little buggers were everywhere and our kid could find them! It became a joke; if we were outdoors just give Everett 5 minutes and he'd have one. We'd look in the grass where we put him down and there would be none around, but check his mouth or hands in five minutes and he'd totally have one. Some were shells of the bug, some were dead bugs, some were alive bugs. The live ones really grossed us out with their tacky legs! However, people all over the world eat bugs, it's not that weird even if it does sound gross. They are super healthy and so easy to raise. There's even a bug saying:

Red, orange, yellow, forget this fellow.

Black, green or brown, wolf it down.

Funny to think about it now because when he was two and a half he could grab flies out of the thin air. We called him Mr. Miyagi when he grabbed flies. It was hilarious. Our little free range baby.

Everett, six months old 2011

What will we imprint on our kids today?

We all too easily forget that everything imprints upon kids in some way.
We all live our lives going through the motions of life as it happens and even though we are aware of imprinting we also forget. And life unfolds, and things happen, and kids pick up the good and the bad.

Like all parents I have those mouth drop moments when my kid says something that I never thought they would... those "I taught you better!" moments. Except sometimes I sadly realize I didn't teach them better. And that's what totally happened yesterday.

We were at the Y swimming when an older lady entered the small pool area we were in. Sebastian in very low voice (I know she did not hear him THANK you God) said, "Oh no, here comes an old person." I scowled at him and reprimanded him. I asked why he'd say such a thing or where he would have heard such a thing. And here it came... like a slap to the face, or a bucket of cold water dumped over my head waking me up, "You mom, you say 'oh no an old person' when you are driving."

Crap. I have said that. :(

I tried explaining to him that I like older people though, and I usually don't care if an old person pulls in front of me while I'm driving, but sometimes we are running late, like for example to the dentist, and that's when I say it. I told him all kinds of people drive slower than the speed limit and I should not have just picked on old people. I tried explaining that we should value all people and that I'm glad the lady, who looks like a very nice lady,  is using the pool to exercise. Unfortunately I realized in my explaining that he was not going to understand me very well at that moment sitting on the edge of the pool on a Monday afternoon. I just need to do better. I really try to not be negative or unkind and if I am negative I definitely try to be aware of how it might affect the kids and their behavior.  We don't even say "I hate ________" in our home. We encourage everybody in our home to use a better word than hate to express the displeasure of something.

This was an example of how quickly and innocently kids see the world through our eyes. They learn, absorb, and react to nearly everything. Imprinting. What a huge glaring responsibility we have as parents.

This is a great companion post to this post: Adults You Stop Bullying First

Moving

Monday March 24, 2014
Last night Ricky and I made an offer on a very, very inexpensive small farm (bank owned property). A smaller home on 5 acres with a barn, totally fenced. (Oh such a nice all wooden post fence!) Downsizing house and monthly mortgage, up-size the land, live debt free much, much faster. We are excited, scared, dreamful. More goats for brush clearing, a horse for the kids, maybe a mini cow someday. The home needs some TLC, but nothing too crazy: Paint, tiny bit of carpet for two tiny bedrooms, a few windows, drywall and frames to make basement bedrooms.

We probably won't get the offer accepted because we have a feeling this property is going to go for more than asking price, but it's interesting to try. The asking price is dirt cheap and a real steal. $45,000. We offered 50. Others will probably offer 55 or 60. We would offer more if we could sell our current home before getting the loan and moving, but it's a no contingent sale. The bank that owns the home wants a clean fast sell, they don't want us to have to sell our home before we take possession. So in essence we are trying to buy a second home. I've had a splitting headache over the stress, but it has been a fun past few days. To have someone to: love, dream with, laugh with, be scared with, be joyous with, and be stressed with is the better than any home or farm or place in the world. I know we can be happy and in love anywhere as long as we are together. So we'll see if this is meant to be. Lots of prayers over this one. Please let this be right only if it's right, and please ease our doubts when they come. This may be just what we need either way. Either way this has been a big push in the right direction to change and simplify things at our current home and make plans for the future, whether we stay for a while longer or go sooner. The kids absolutely love the property despite the small home (which is still darling) and I'm really excited and proud they they see both the pros and cons of a bigger picture.   

Friday March 28, 2014

We didn't get the property. We have to believe there is better land and home out there for us. There was no pond and we really, really want one. So maybe that is why. We had already put ourselves inside that home. I imagined what winters would look like from the fireplace in the dining room. The wall size windows overlooking beautiful  huge green cedar trees heavy with snow, and tons of yard that led to nice land. An orchard we could plant. More counter space in the kitchen. A grassy yard that seemed forever long. I was going to hang tin farm signs outside the old tin barn. Instead we continue our journey fixing up our one acre backyard farm. We appreciate our current large home right now... with plenty of bedrooms, playrooms and space for everyone. Painted in my colors. Enjoying five years worth of trees and plants. Semi ignoring all the up-keep we should be doing to get ready to sell it. Our abandoned pool will be filled in soon, making a beautiful garden with a walkway around it (the pool deck). It should look lovely.  I have TONS of starter seeds that will make it into the ground now, if we had to move this spring/summer I would have given them all away. We want to add a new BBQ grill (ours is toast) and fire pit to the garden area. I have day dreams now of the little kids riding a big wheel bike on the decking around the garden as they watch their pumpkins grow, corn stalks growing a mile high, and getting to eat from our blackberry, raspberry, and strawberries for at least one more year. Another 4th of July family picture on the steps where we always take the picture.

When we move we'll have to plant ALL new things. We wanted to plant two more fruit trees here this year. I'm not sure if we will/should. We already pretty much have to put up the fencing we bought. We need it for rotating the goats and chickens onto pasture, and to send the goats into the wooded area to eat the scrub. Not sure it's worth it, but we're going to do it anyway. We love this home and feel very blessed to have such a beautiful space. Right now the yard is dreary because winter still has it's grip. There are so many times we don't want to leave this place. When the tulip tree pops with flowers this spring we will definitely wonder how we could leave this old home and it's charm. Our heart is all to often someplace miles away though....on more acreage. We just can't shake it, though we try hard.

We licked our wounds by ordering our new birds we had planned on. Seven turkey (Ricky wanted six, I told him seven was lucky though), two more geese, and 15 more chickens will arrive in May. It's gong to be a gorgeous, happy spring and summer. I know we are going to love every minute of it.

Child Led Solid Food

I was just thinking I should blog about Beatrice starting solid food and drinking from a cup when a friend asked me about starting solids with her first baby. So yay for me, I'm now encouraged and inspired to talk about babies...I know it's really hard to get me to do that! Ha!

Beatrice officially started solids in the past three weeks or so; she will be nine months old in three days. I delay solids as long as possible -that pretty much means until my baby keeps grabbing my food and smacking their lips until I give in. Here is a very detailed page about why it's good to delay. (That link is at Kellymom.com, it is a great site! Check it out further when you have the time. All kinds of awesome information there.)

Here's a snippet: 

Gastric acid and pepsin are secreted at birth and increase toward adult values over the following 3 to 4 months. The pancreatic enzyme amylase does not reach adequate levels for digestion of starches until around 6 months, and carbohydrate enzymes such as maltase, isomaltase, and sucrase do not reach adult levels until around 7 months. Young infants also have low levels of lipase and bile salts, so fat digestion does not reach adult levels until 6-9 months.

First
 If you don't know why rice cereal is really bad for babies please read/watch this. Rice cereal is a terrible first food and has no place in a child's diet. Brown rice shouldn't be introduced as a first food because it is harder and more complex to digest as a first food. Soft fruits and veggies are best.  

 I have no desire to fill my baby up with solids in hopes they will be hungry less often, or sleep better, or for any other outdated reason. The goal many parents have had in the past (and to a large extent today) is to tank young babies up so they would sleep all night. This isn't good for many reasons. The coolest thing though is that Breastmilk is actually a sleep aid for babies! Mother's milk is ever changing and is actually different at different times of the day!

Starting
-My baby must first sit up on their own which is one sign of readiness.

-Around 6 months old (but sometimes 5 months old)  I usually notice my little ones: smacking their lips, watching food go into my mouth, looking REALLY interested in food and grabbing for it. Once the interest starts it gradually grows. Babies are smart and aware; they have been watching people eat since birth.
-The first food I usually give is between 6-8 months old. It's generally avocado or banana mashed up really fine on a spoon by me. If they gag or push food out of their mouth with their tongue that shows they are not ready. I'll try again some days later if they still seem like they really want solid food and keep grabbing and/or smacking their lips.
-I give peeled apples to suck on as an introduction to tastes and texture. A small amount of apple pulp that they suck and gum out may help with solid food swallowing practice. I gave one to Beatrice at seven months old.
-Babies will slowly start to learn a chewing motion with their mouth and learn to swallow solids. They ALWAYS gag a little at first because it's brand new, but I see gagging as a sign of not being ready too. There is a difference between a baby gagging and a baby learning to swallow solids and I watch for that.

 -I will not sit and shovel drippy food into my child's mouth as they drool it out and force feed it back to them. I choose a child led method.
-If my baby is interested in food but gags at food I'll just continue to let them gnaw on peeled apples.

 Moving Forward
 I breastfeed my baby before feeding solids so that my supply stays up ( I want my baby getting her calories from my milk instead of filling up on baby food). I do not want my infant skipping nursing sessions! This isn't as much as an issue when they first start tasting and trying foods, but could be an issue later when they can actually make meals or snacks out of solid foods.

 Once they are "into food" I give strawberries to gnaw on under careful supervision. If my baby doesn't have any teeth yet then they are not likely to bite off big hunks very often. This is a new sensitization, texture, flavor and they love it! Strawberries are a big joy for my babies, I think they just love the firm but soft edible texture. (Warning: wash them well and buy organic when you can, unfortunately strawberries tend to be very heavily sprayed. Pay attention to your baby -strawberries can give some babies a diaper rash. None of mine have trouble.)
 
 I give my babies baby teething biscuits/baby cookies to chew on, which aren't the best as I don't feel wheat is all that great on the system but it keeps babies super occupied and happy and they don't tend to eat much of it anyway. I buy organic whole grain varieties.  I like this kind -carrot and ginger. Even though rice cereal is a no-no and above I said brown rice isn't a good first food either, I still give these whole grain organic brown rice puffs on occasion, it is not filling and she doesn't eat it all at first anyway (most of it ends up on her bib or me). But it's super entertaining for her and it teaches her brand new chewing and swallowing motions with added texture. I make sure everything I give like that is sugar free and organic. This is sweetened with fruit juice which does add "sugar" and is totally unneeded at this age, but like I said it's totally occupying! And it definitely teaches chewing safely, so I see it as a learning tool. I'm also able to make breakfast for the other kids because she's so entertained.

  I do not feed my babies very often (if ever) from a spoon and jar the old fashioned way. Not only is it messy and time consuming, I believe shoveling food into a baby is not the best way for a child to self regulate food intake and learn to feed themselves. Also, I'm lazy! So I encourage self feeding with this silicone feeder: 

This looks like it is filled with fresh mashed carrot. The one I actually have is from Target and is a little different (open tip instead of holes throughout). This brand is by Kidsme.

 Beatrice LOVES this thing! And she never overeats because she is feeding herself; I am not stuffing food into her mouth. Young baby feedings often include the baby pushing food out of their mouths while you are wiping it off the baby's lips and chin with the spoon. The excess is re-feed it to them over and over until it is finally gone. Gradually a baby will learn to accept the food and eagerly open their mouths, but I would like to encourage parents to make sure they are not overfeeding their baby or feeding too early. Baby shouldn't be pushing food out with their tongue, a baby should be a willing participant of the experience and very engaged in this new eating thing!

 I use resealable organic baby food pouches for convenience and squirt a little in the feeder pictured above. You can also stuff it with cooked fresh veggies or fruits. You could make your own baby food puree if you want, and a lot of moms do these days. I don't make my own because organic baby food is a  cheaper faster option for me. (I buy in bulk and get Subscribe and Save deals from Amazon.) My babies are only on baby food periodically to learn about tastes and texture and when we travel or run errands. One pouch tends to last me for days when they are young. Then all too soon it's off to the big stuff!

Ditching the pureed stuff
Once they start chomping down everything in sight (and with or without teeth they may do this sooner than you think!) I just feed them what I'm eating off my plate: Avocado, banana, mashed up sweet potato, cooked carrots, mashed potato, mashed up broccoli, cantaloupe, mango, asparagus, lintels, beans. Last night I was popping peas into Beatrice's mouth off my dinner plate and eating the skin for her. She was the cutest little baby bird ever! Eventually heavier things (oatmeal, eggs, noodles, whole grain brown rice, meats, fats, more grains) wiggle their way into their diet. I think eggs are a fabulous food. If you let your child lead they will be squealing and pawing for your plate. They will quickly realize there are LOTS of foods to try! So I don't mess with expensive messy baby food for long, or the time it takes to puree and freeze my own.

 Babies learn super fast to feed themselves when they are ready for solids and can grab food. They will simply chew (or gum rather) up their food. Eventually they will want a spoon! Everett didn't have teeth until after his first birthday! But the kid still ate everything. Even chicken in tiny pieces. He loved cooked carrots. At first I cut them up into bites that I would feed him but after that he became an avid eater, so I just gave him a cooked baby carrot stick cut in half for him to feed himself . For me it seems that somewhere between 14 and 18 months old I needed to make sure my baby eats well before bedtime or they may wake hungry for more than a breastmilk only feeding.

Cucumber: My new go-to finger food

 Recently we gave Beatrice a slice of cucumber with the skin peeled off (we left a little skin on one side for a better grip). She went nuts for it! They are so mild, cooling, full of moisture, easy to suck on, and they break apart slowly. Cucumbers are actually packed with many vitamins and minerals. Beatrice makes cute talking and "ahuuah!" babbling noises every time I'm in the kitchen with her and she won't stop until I get cucumber out! She asks for it like crazy! Yesterday she nom-nomed through at least 10 cucumber circles! (When it gets too gnawed down and small we just replace it with another.)

For the under one crowd, babies with no teeth, or when I'm not supervising very well: The Mesh Feeder
 I also put fresh food into this great contraption. It's a mesh version of the feeder pictured above. For me the silicone ones (as pictured above) is best suited for actual pureed baby food and this mesh one is better for whole chunks of food they puree on their own from biting down and gumming on it. I think it's a bit more messy to use, but they feed themselves and it's great for bigger chunks of cooked carrots, banana, cantaloupe, brown rice, beans, strawberry and anything else you want to load it with. I will still likely use a mesh one with Beatrice even though we are using the other right now. Other babies gave them a run for their money and I need to replace it. I've been using these for nearly every baby for years and years. I love this product because it makes any chunk of food instantly super safe for baby!

Drinking ~ Cups

 I read a long time ago that babies can go on a nursing strike and if they do they can be cup fed pumped milk. I couldn't even imagine a nursing strike with any of my eager and very attached-to-me nursing babies... but lo and behold we had one. When Penelope (now 7 years old) was a very young baby she went on a nursing strike. She was hungry and refused to nurse. There are all sorts of reasons babies can go on strike. So just like everyone recommends I pumped my milk and fed her from a cup. I was amazed, flabbergasted, stunned... it was magic. Babies, very small babies, can drink from cups.  Check out this precious video of a newborn baby drinking expressed breastmilk from a cup.

 By the way, if you are reading this and are in need of, or are just curious about, alternative feeding methods that go beyond just using a bottle (Cup, dropper, syringe, and links with various methods) check out this link: Tools for Feeding: Alternative Feeding Methods – Bottles & More

 So Penelope was fed from a cup until her nursing strike ended (2 days) and from then on I always taught my babies to drink from cups at around 6-8 months old, basically when solids started up.

What I do is hold a cup to their lip and slowly tilt it. They start to make a mouthy suck gesture when water hits their mouth, and I very slowly try to not let too much fall out. A clear glass cup works best for me to see better. They usually cough and choke at first in surprise, but after only a handful of tries they get used to sucking it in slowly and stopping the flow themselves. Most people never know that young babies are perfectly capable of drinking from a cup. There is no need to ever use bottles if you don't want to. (Juice is junk food to babies and should not be given.)

Teaching Beatrice to drink from a cup
A few weeks ago Beatrice was grabbing for my water and making cute curious noises that mean 'give it to me!' so I let her try it. After a few attempts over two days she got the hang of it and loves a cool little drink now. And water is tasty! She looks so happy when she asks for it and after she drinks it! I really just love watching her learn the muscle control of sucking it in and pushing it out of her mouth to prevent herself from choking. Babies learn so fast!

Food I don't ever give under one year:
Citrus - can cause bad rashes, best to wait until 12 months or older (learned that one the hard way!)
Honey- can contain botulism spores recommend to wait until at least after age 1. I usually wait a bit longer and we generally only use it in smoothies so it's a trivial amount anyway.
Animal milk- Not for the first year. I'm not sure when I introduce it. I guess it's by yogurt at about 14 months of age. 
Juice- Has no place in a young child's diet. Unless it's a smoothie made from frozen fruit mixed with a little juice for blending, or fresh squeezed fruit and veggie juice my babies never drink juice.

Corn Chips?
Eventually our babies go all crazy and want everything they see us eat. Last night it was organic corn chips. It's not going to hurt her, but it's not "real" food either. After her arms flapped like a bird and her bright blue eyes begged, I finally met her little baby squeals and grunts with the magic of a corn chip. She nom-nomed it right down and started asking for more. No teeth, no choking or gagging...just a baby sucking and nibbling on a corn chip against her mother's better judgement. And she pulverized it and asked for more. I gave her a sweet drink of fresh water which she appreciated. Perfect example that babies learn FAST when they are ready. We also come from a long line of food lovers, so it figures.