Life With Little Kids

I had to take the four little kids for dental cleanings this week (Sebastian, Penelope and Everett –Beatrice is lucky to have no teeth yet.) It went very well but I wanted a margarita by the time it was over with. When I’m out with the kids it is an adventure and test in all kinds of parenting skills and patience. Come to think of it, it’s a test in those things at home too! I'm finding I need to reach down realllly deep for patience lately. The little boys are making me crazy. They are very free spirited. On a side note, Sebastian has been making friends lately! It's wonderful to see him be social!

Penelope warmed my heart and said all kinds of lovely things that made my world perfect and lovely. Unfortunately I can’t remember many of them. But this is one lovely thing she said:

"I know how to take care of babies. Because I know what babies need a lot of, mom. Do you know what they need a lot of?  They need a lot of love."

Last night we went to a church picnic, it was a lot of fun, met really wonderful people, lots to do... but the kids put Ricky and I through the ringer! Sebastian ran away from us 3 times and Everett is impossible to get out of a bounce house (but SO CUTE!), and Ricky and I spilled bright red snow cone all over a little kid that wasn't even ours.

Carrying an umbrella stroller & diaper bag & newborn +5 bags of chips and 5 trays of food while trying to get an angry Sebastian and bored Everett to stay in line and help carry their own stuff is way more impossible than it even sounds.

Poor Ricky enjoyed the picnic, but he was exhausted from work (up at 5am yesterday) and I told him we'd get home around 8:30 and the little kids would be asleep in the car. Well we got home at 9:30, Beatrice cried most the way, and NO little kids were asleep in the car. LOL. That my friends, is life with a gaggle of little kids! I'm still glad we went, but oh man was it an adventurous challenge. I can't wait for the look on my husbands face the next time I tell him we are going anywhere, hahaha.

Going Out, Penelope as the Oldest, Toddlers, Seasons...

I took the younger kids to the botanical garden today while the older kids are all at Six Flags with family. I felt very crazy taking 4 kids all 6 and under. Charlotte said I'm not crazy, just brave!

I'd never been there before and did not know what to expect. Today was a free kids day to celebrate the founder's birth-date, and it was really quite lovely. I had no idea the children's garden was that incredible! The kids and I played and had many, many great adventures! I want a membership now. (Pricy though compared to our other memberships) Beatrice slept tucked away in her carrier on my chest. And a fellow mom and blog follower of mine, who I hadn't met before, spotted me and said hello to me!!! It made my day! I'm a mini-mom-celebrity --lol ;) She is a kind and cute mama and I hope I meet her again.

Penelope (6) was amazing and stepped up as the oldest child. She pushed the stroller, held on to Everett, took him on slides and helped me in anyway she could. She naturally began to fill the role of the oldest child the minute we left the house. It was precious. I hadn't expected it at all. She watched Everett like a hawk! It's bittersweet seeing these kids grow up. I'm glad we have so many, I swear it mostly makes the days go by slower. Everett's been two FOREVER. We're pretty much ready for him to get older! LOL. He's a nut! One day though you wake up and they are 10, 12 or 16...and you realize that perhaps it's not going as slowly as you thought. Layla will be 9 in a week... and a couple weeks later Sebastian will be 5. Penelope 7 in October. You know what Penelope does to make me crazy and afraid? She constantly asks or tells me how old she will be when Beatrice is 5 or 10. And how old she will be when Everett's 5 or 10. It's freaking me out!! The worst is when she asks me how old Charlotte will be when she is Charlotte's age. Ahhhhhhhh ;)

Anyway, I'm glad I decided not to waste this beautiful day indoors. I have a goal to get out more with the kids this fall, last year was our most 'at home' year and we didn't go on as many adventures or filed trips as we usually do. I felt really bad about it but I really just didn't have it in me. I felt overwhelmed, and not just with kids either. I often felt like we had so much to do at home. It didn't help things that at the time Sebastian was a real challenge, he gets bored easily and doesn't hang out at classes/field trips very easily. I think he's changing a little bit finally. He is also a bit of a recluse and he doesn't have an easy time communicating/playing with others outside his family. Now that's he's learning more self control it's time I try to introduce him to new situations and people again. Likewise a few months ago Ricky and I noticed Everett didn't know how to act in public. He was not doing well in grocery stores and I quickly realized it was because I'd do all my shopping and errands while he was at home with Charlotte. So Ricky and I started taking him along with us every time so he could get out more. He's still an average 2 year old in the store, but his patience and understanding while out has totally changed for the better! He's learning simple things like waiting in line means we are almost done and we have to wait in line in order to leave. He learns how we communicate and talk to people we know and don't know. We talk about and see all kinds of things. Time spent out of the house, even if it's only doing mundane tasks, is so good for kids. As an adult it's easy to get preoccupied and rush through the day --but when I slow down and show him the world around him he gets quality time and life experience. Slowing down also teaches me to be a better mother. Lately I've been trying to balance home responsibilities with a newborn and fun; in August we add school to that equation. It's been a good month for it since we have had tons to do and lots of family in town --I feel like it's practice for the fall. Sometimes I get too obsessed with running the household that I forget to make time for getting out of the house! We have a list of things we'd like to do this fall and we plan on going to the library every week again. So far Beatrice is a good car rider! Yay for that! If she tuens into a difficult car rider we'll be stranded all fall! So I hope that doesn't happen. (In the winter we stay home a lot.) My kids say I'm a hibernating bear. I love how at the beginning of a season I want it to last forever:
--the sweet smell of spring, planting, mowing, rain, muddy kids, renewal
--the warm fun of summer, swimming, the river, vine ripped tomatoes, making pickles, picking peaches
--the crisp air of fall, the colors, making scarecrows, pumpkins, Halloween, thankful, cinnamon, apples
--the family essence of winter, Christmas, decorating, snow, baking, crafts

As each season passes we welcome another.
~~~
I wrote down this cute conversation this morning in regards to the kids going home with Sharon after Six Flags:
Penelope to Sebastian: The big kids got to spend the night at Aunt Sharon's!!
Sebastian: I don't care.
Penelope: YOU DON'T?
Sebastian: I only care if they get to spend the night at Six Flags.
Penelope: But, Layla?
Sebastian: I don't care about the boys spending the night at Aunt Sharon's. But I do care Layla spends the night. 
~~~`
I have a list of things I need to do before September and it's growing rapidly. When I have a list of things to do I generally add fun stuff to the list and bump the blah stuff down some spots. Can't do that forever though. We have so many appointments we need to make /go to. I hate boring stuff!

In "me" news I tied for 6th as one of the top 25 moms with big families on the Circle of Moms website. Now I have a 2012 and 2013 badge for my blog. That's neat! Thanks to those who voted for me!

Days Go By, Family, & How Nurturing Children and Their Experiences Might Alter Family DNA

I can't seem to get everything written that I want to, not even close, not even a little bit.

Days are filled with laughter and craziness. Days are filled with hilarious children and also screaming children. Days are filled with fun and also hard work. Days are filled with stress and also peace. Days are filled with boredom and excitement, laundry, and an army of hungry kids. Days and nights are filled with nursing a hungry, sweet, bright eyed baby. (I'm in total awe of her and I smell and kiss her all of the time. It's as if I've never had a baby before. I just look at her totally amazed she came from *us.*) Days are filled with temper tantrums --both mine and the kids'. Days are filled with appreciation for many blessings, and days are filled with too much to do.

I wish I could remember all of the things I wanted to write over this past week...or three. But I at least remember laughter and silliness, I remember hilarious kids, I remember family time, I remember Penelope's excitement and fabulous joy as she discovered she can touch the pool bottom now --and swim without floaties. I remember a lot of love and friendship between family. I remember thinking to myself...it's always been this way in my life, whether I knew it at the time or not. What a blessing.

I remember wanting to write about the simple lovely images I tried hard to burn into my mind last week... my grandma cutting watermelon, my aunt who made cupcakes for the kids to decorate, the kids playing games, the refreshing swimming pool, Aunt Sharon cooking up a storm, Aunt Holly's wit, good company and helpfulness, Echo's helpful and friendly presence. We look forward to July every year. I want to hold onto those memories because the years seem to roll on too fast and it scares me.

As I watched the kids playing and visiting with family I looked on and carefully listened as our aunts, uncles, and grandma talked and played with the kids. Even the youngest ones are allowed to help cook and water plants when they ask. I notice they bring the kids along to feed the hummingbirds or let them have the hose to water plants and many other things. The children are included so much in everything we all do. It was this moment I realized that I was destined to be a good mother, I didn't know it at age 7 or 12 or 16 ... but I was destined to be a loving person, and I was destined to be happy. I believe it is because of my family. When children are shown love and joy they carry it with them.

Including the youngest kids in the simplest things, talking to them, and spending time with them teaches an important lesson: be kind to children. I notice that when I'm stressed, short tempered, or angry at the younger kids in our household the older kids act that way to them too. When I'm calm,  respectful, patient and sensitive to them and I treat them like the innocent small human beings that they are the older kids act the same.

I watch the whole cycle start again as Charlotte (16) patiently takes Everett (2) with her to gather eggs and feed the chickens. My Aunt Sharon used to take me to feed my Grandma's chickens at that age.

Charlotte lets Penelope 'be on her team to play 'big kid games' even though it takes longer and Penelope might make “wrong” choices. Penelope feels special and has so much fun. Sage and Ethan also include the younger kids in far more things and are far more patient than I could have imagined.

I vividly remember being on grown up 'teams' when I was young, even when the game didn't require teams. It's one of the nicest and inclusive things you can do for a child; make them feel important and equal and 'big.' I didn't tell her to include Penelope, she just did. It's just what you do in a family: include, love, enjoy. I'm lucky to have had a long line of nurturing family members with various talents, interests, hobbies...all with a wild and wacky sense of humor and love of children.

Then I look at my husband: patient and nurturing, kind and honest. He's hardworking, humble and unselfish. Just like his parents.

 As I wrote this blog post this fascinating article came across my desk "Grandma's Experiences Leave a Mark on Your Genes" 
I'll be sharing it with my children. We tell them all the time how various things we do can help or hurt babies and kids.

According to the new insights of behavioral epigenetics, traumatic experiences in our past, or in our recent ancestors’ past, leave molecular scars adhering to our DNA. Jews whose great-grandparents were chased from their Russian shtetls; Chinese whose grandparents lived through the ravages of the Cultural Revolution; young immigrants from Africa whose parents survived massacres; adults of every ethnicity who grew up with alcoholic or abusive parents — all carry with them more than just memories. 

"...our experiences, and those of our forebears, are never gone, even if they have been forgotten. They become a part of us, a molecular residue holding fast to our genetic scaffolding. The DNA remains the same, but psychological and behavioral tendencies are inherited. You might have inherited not just your grandmother’s knobby knees, but also her predisposition toward depression caused by the neglect she suffered as a newborn.  Or not. If your grandmother was adopted by nurturing parents, you might be enjoying the boost she received thanks to their love and support. The mechanisms of behavioral epigenetics underlie not only deficits and weaknesses but strengths and resiliencies, too."

 I've long known that excessive crying is not good for babies.

Research has shown that infants who are routinely separated from parents in a stressful way have abnormally high levels of the stress hormone cortisol, as well as lower growth hormone levels. These imbalances inhibit the development of nerve tissue in the brain, suppress growth, and depress the immune system. 5, 9, 11, 16 

Dr. Bruce Perry’s research at Baylor University may explain this finding. He found when chronic stress over-stimulates an infant’s brain stem (the part of the brain that controls adrenaline release), and the portions of the brain that thrive on physical and emotional input are neglected (such as when a baby is repeatedly left to cry alone), the child will grow up with an over-active adrenaline system. Such a child will display increased aggression, impulsivity, and violence later in life because the brainstem floods the body with adrenaline and other stress hormones at inappropriate and frequent times. 

         Science Says: Excessive Crying Could Be Harmful

 Science tells us that when babies cry alone and unattended, they experience panic and anxiety. Their bodies and brains are flooded with adrenaline and cortisol stress hormones. Science has also found that when developing brain tissue is exposed to these hormones for prolonged periods these nerves won’t form connections to other nerves and will degenerate. Is it therefore possible that infants who endure many nights or weeks of crying-it-out alone are actually suffering harmful neurologic effects that may have permanent implications on the development of sections of their brain? Here is how science answers this alarming question:Chemical and hormonal imbalances in the brain
Research has shown that infants who are routinely separated from parents in a stressful way have abnormally high levels of the stress hormone cortisol, as well as lower growth hormone levels. These imbalances inhibit the development of nerve tissue in the brain, suppress growth, and depress the immune system. 5, 9, 11, 16
Researchers at Yale University and Harvard Medical School found that intense stress early in life can alter the brain’s neurotransmitter systems and cause structural and functional changes in regions of the brain similar to those seen in adults with depression. 17
One study showed infants who experienced persistent crying episodes were 10 times more likely to have ADHD as a child, along with poor school performance and antisocial behavior. The researchers concluded these findings may be due to the lack of responsive attitude of the parents toward their babies. 14.
Dr. Bruce Perry’s research at Baylor University may explain this finding. He found when chronic stress over-stimulates an infant’s brain stem (the part of the brain that controls adrenaline release), and the portions of the brain that thrive on physical and emotional input are neglected (such as when a baby is repeatedly left to cry alone), the child will grow up with an over-active adrenaline system. Such a child will display increased aggression, impulsivity, and violence later in life because the brainstem floods the body with adrenaline and other stress hormones at inappropriate and frequent times. 6
Dr. Allan Schore of the UCLA School of Medicine has demonstrated that the stress hormone cortisol (which floods the brain during intense crying and other stressful events) actually destroys nerve connections in critical portions of an infant’s developing brain. In addition, when the portions of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional control are not stimulated during infancy (as may occur when a baby is repeatedly neglected) these sections of the brain will not develop. The result – a violent, impulsive, emotionally unattached child. He concludes that the sensitivity and responsiveness of a parent stimulates and shapes the nerve connections in key sections of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional well-being. 7, 8
Decreased intellectual, emotional, and social development
Infant developmental specialist Dr. Michael Lewis presented research findings at an American Academy of Pediatrics meeting, concluding that “the single most important influence of a child’s intellectual development is the responsiveness of the mother to the cues of her baby.”
Researchers have found babies whose cries are usually ignored will not develop healthy intellectual and social skills. 19
Dr. Rao and colleagues at the National Institutes of Health showed that infants with prolonged crying (but not due to colic) in the first 3 months of life had an average IQ 9 points lower at 5 years of age. They also showed poor fine motor development. (2)
Researchers at Pennsylvania State and Arizona State Universities found that infants with excessive crying during the early months showed more difficulty controlling their emotions and became even fussier when parents tried to consol them at 10 months. 15
Other research has shown that these babies have a more annoying quality to their cry, are more clingy during the day, and take longer to become independent as children 1.
Harmful physiologic changes
Animal and human research has shown when separated from parents, infants and children show unstable temperatures, heart arrhythmias, and decreased REM sleep (the stage of sleep that promotes brain development). 10 12, 13
Dr. Brazy at Duke University and Ludington-Hoe and colleagues at Case Western University showed in 2 separate studies how prolonged crying in infants causes increased blood pressure in the brain, elevates stress hormones, obstructs blood from draining out of the brain, and decreases oxygenation to the brain. They concluded that caregivers should answer cries swiftly, consistently, and comprehensively. (3) and (4)

1. P. Heron, “Non-Reactive Cosleeping and Child Behavior: Getting a Good Night’s Sleep All Night, Every Night,” Master’s thesis, Department of Psychology, University of Bristol, 1994.
2. M R Rao, et al; Long Term Cognitive Development in Children with Prolonged Crying, National Institutes of Health, Archives of Disease in Childhood 2004; 89:989-992.
3. J pediatrics 1988 Brazy, J E. Mar 112 (3): 457-61. Duke University
4. Ludington-Hoe SM, Case Western U, Neonatal Network 2002 Mar; 21(2): 29-36
5. Butler, S R, et al. Maternal Behavior as a Regulator of Polyamine Biosynthesis in Brain and Heart of Developing Rat Pups. Science 1978, 199:445-447.
6. Perry, B. (1997), “Incubated in Terror: Neurodevelopmental Factors in the Cycle of Violence,” Children in a Violent Society, Guilford Press, New York.
7. Schore, A.N. (1996), “The Experience-Dependent Maturation of a Regulatory System in the Orbital Prefrontal Cortex and the Origen of Developmental Psychopathology,” Development and Psychopathology 8: 59 – 87.
8. Karr-Morse, R, Wiley, M. Interview With Dr. Allan Schore, Ghosts From the Nursery, 1997, pg 200.
9. Kuhn, C M, et al. Selective Depression of Serum Growth Hormone During Maternal Deprivation in Rat Pups. Science 1978, 201:1035-1036.
10. Hollenbeck, A R, et al. Children with Serious Illness: Behavioral Correlates of Separation and Solution. Child Psychiatry and Human Development 1980, 11:3-11.
11. Coe, C L, et al. Endocrine and Immune Responses to Separation and Maternal Loss in Non-Human Primates. The Psychology of Attachment and Separation, ed. M Reite and T Fields, 1985. Pg. 163-199. New York: Academic Press.
12. Rosenblum and Moltz, The Mother-Infant Interaction as a Regulator of Infant Physiology and Behavior. In Symbiosis in Parent-Offspring Interactions, New York: Plenum, 1983.
13. Hofer, M and H. Shair, Control of Sleep-Wake States in the Infant Rat by Features of the Mother-Infant Relationship. Developmental Psychobiology, 1982, 15:229-243.
14. Wolke, D, et al, Persistent Infant Crying and Hyperactivity Problems in Middle Childhood, Pediatrics, 2002; 109:1054-1060.
15. Stifter and Spinrad, The Effect of Excessive Crying on the Development of Emotion Regulation, Infancy, 2002; 3(2), 133-152.
16. Ahnert L, et al, Transition to Child Care: Associations with Infant-mother Attachment, Infant Negative Emotion, and Cortisol Elevations, Child Development, 2004, May-June; 75(3):649-650.
17. Kaufman J, Charney D. Effects of Early Stress on Brain Structure and Function: Implications for Understanding the Relationship Between Child Maltreatment and Depression, Developmental Psychopathology, 2001 Summer; 13(3):451-471.
18. Teicher MH et al, The Neurobiological Consequences of Early Stress and Childhood Maltreatment, Neuroscience Biobehavior Review 2003, Jan-Mar; 27(1-2):33-44.
19. Leiberman, A. F., & Zeanah, H., Disorders of Attachment in Infancy, Infant Psychiatry 1995, 4:571-587. 

4th of July and Family Freedom

As I rushed around baking pie and helping my kids get their supplies to make their cute desserts, as I asked everyone to wear red, white, and blue this year for our 4th annual 4th of July family photo, as I prepared appetizers, treats, dinner, desserts...

As placed band-aids on boo-boos, as I got dressed, as I nursed my baby, as we laughed and played, as we had a watermelon eating contest, and as I watched my husband make himself a cocktail with mint and lime....

As we dug through fireworks and put flag football belts on, as I watched the kids wrestle and play leap frog, as we took photos and shared family time...

As we did all of this I thought to myself how important today is to our family. I took many moments to reflect on what freedom means to to us as a family and how important freedom is.

Ways We Are Free

If we lived somewhere else we might not be able to have as many children as we do, by law. If we lived somewhere else I could even be forced (taken from my home and literally held down and forced) to have an abortion (even of a term baby). It happens in 2013.

If we lived somewhere else we might not be able to homeschool our children. Our children could be taken away from us even if we were giving them a good education, even if we tried to comply with laws (which are often inconsistent even when homeschooling is allowed) and even if we attempted to move somewhere where else it was legal. It happens. Parents lose their kids and/or are forced to put them in government schools, it happens in 2013.

If we lived somewhere else we might not be allowed to be any religion we wanted and able to raise our children that way if we want. It still happens in 2013. 

If we lived somewhere else we might not have as much health care freedom, although ours is slipping away and parental rights have been grossly challenged in the past two decades, we still have freedom. And we still live in a country that has vaccine exemptions for school attendance because no one should ever be forced to consume anything against ones own will whatever their medical, religious or personal reasons/convictions may be. Forced vaccination/ medication happens in 2013.

If we lived somewhere else we might not be allowed to stay home and give birth the way we chose to unassisted. (Or we'd have to lie about it.) Midwife assisted homebirth however is legal in many but not all states.

I'm thankful for these freedoms, and many more. Not everyone needs or wants the same freedoms, and that's why being free is so, so darn important.

Toddler Sibling Love ...and family

Afternoon napping with big brother Everett (2.5)

Oh, toddler and newborn baby joy. Things I've said to Everett (2.5) already this morning:

• You are trying to nurse her? Humm. Cute. Well I think only mommies nurse babies.
• No you can't nurse me, I'll get you a snack.
• Please stop touching her... stop, STOP touching my baby!
• She cries when you do that.
• Don't touch her eye.
• Sure you can pet her on her head. (He says he wants to pet her all the time lol!)
  
• No, don't touch her face.
• Ummm thanks, now stop touching her for a little while.
• You just held her. She's sleeping now.
• Careful that's her little foot.
• Rub her head not her face.

The kids got home yesterday from a trip to see family. They were gone three days and I enjoyed the peace and quiet but also missed them. When they got home last night they engulfed me with smiles, stories and everyone wanted to hold the new baby. They missed her so! They excitedly told me about all the family they saw, how they swim so well (Penelope uses just arm floaties now!) and how they had dessert every night. I adore the happy blessed life they live. I hope I teach them to appreciate it always. May I raise them to always love family, dessert, and the simple pleasures of life. 

Newborn With a Fever

Our newborn had a fever. She seemed different too. I described her as “not well” which when it comes to a newborn that means we need to think about going to the Dr. or hospital. Thankfully the not well look wore off quickly and she started acting better within an hour or so. We soon noticed she had gas for a bit and that's what seemed to make her act "not well." She never cried or screamed, but she moaned and fussed. Once the gas was out she settled down and we took her to bed thinking we might be at the ER by morning because of the low grade fever. By morning she seemed comfortable but the fever had spiked to 101.7, we think. We weren't sure the thermometer we were using was correct. She also hadn't nursed in 5 hours. I cried and we started packing hospital bags, diapers, cell phones, laptops. Over the course of that time she finally ate and looked very well and happy. She opened her eyes a lot, followed us with her eyes, watched us and just overall looked happy. I realized at that moment how well I knew her in just 11 days. I knew what was normal for her, I knew what she liked, I knew how she wanted to be held, how often she ate and wet, what her poop looked like, what facial expressions are normal for her, how and what time of day she wanted swaddled. I knew how to lay her down so she was comfy and I knew how to burp her best. When other people see my newborn they see a small sweet infant that needs cared for, I see a baby who I've bonded with and who I know with my soul. She just did not seem sick enough for an ER visit. The thought of handing her over was agonizing and it seemed extreme. We couldn't fathom our healthy, breastfed, alert baby going through those tests needlessly. Her temp slipped down a little again; it still in the "go to ER range" but not very high... we waited. 

Aunt Sharon and Grandma came and got the other kids so that we could go to the hospital immediately if needed. We were so thankful for the peace and quiet during such a stressful situation. They thought the baby looked great too and even Grandma, a former nurse, supported our decision to wait it out a bit longer.

Ricky went to the store three different times over the day: to buy a rectal thermometer, an ear thermometer and then finally a breast pump. (I wanted to pump off some foremilk in case too much was making her gassy, it seemed to help.) Ear thermometers aren't thought to be reliable with infants but we found it was. Rectal temp has a higher reading than other means of temp taking but is considered best for newborns. We took those things into consideration when deciding how high her fever was. We poured over webpages of medical advice about fever, meningitis, ER visits with newborns, and personal testimony from parents. Of course for as many stories that said ‘we took our baby in, and she had meningitis’ there were just as many stories saying it was horrible ‘they put our baby through hell and back with invasive testing and never found anything wrong.’ Better safe than sorry is a great rule of thumb when it comes to your kids, but common sense and instinct are also tools we use. So we had big decisions to make.

We have long known a newborn with a temp of 100.4 or higher is cause for concern and generally warrants an automatic ER visit. Taking her to our family Dr. would yield the same recommendation; take her to the ER because if she has a fever certain things are ruled out by testing --but she’s probably okay. We know that once in the ER nearly all babies under 3 months old and all babies (neonates) under 28 days old are automatically given a spinal tap, complete blood work up and a urine test (usually by a catheter). This is then followed by a standard 72 hour hospital stay and antibiotics. If we went in we knew we had to be ready for all of that.

It’s so hard to be an educated, involved, clear thinking, decision making parent in a sea of uneducated parents and a one size fits all health care model. Parents like us are sometimes bullied into things and threatened with social services for going against medical advice. We’ve always been very fortunate and had good professional health care givers, but you never know. So we sat at home counting every wet diaper, each time she nursed, every sound she made, every poop and every coo. We even counted how many hours she slept, all very diligently. There wasn’t a noise or movement she made that we weren’t hearing and seeing. Our bags were packed just in case.

Her fever kept going down all day. It spiked back up once or twice but not too bad. I’d get upset and scared when she wouldn’t wake to nurse, but within minutes of my tears and self-doubt starting up she’d latch on, wake up, eat, pass gas while briefly fussy, look around at us for a while, wet a diaper and then we’d do it all over again.

I noticed over hours of searching that I could not find anything online reassuring about staying home and observing a young baby before heading to the hospital. I didn’t find hardly any parents talking about fever, newborns, or medical choices, let alone very many questions regarding the invasiveness of routine “mandatory” procedures.

Her fever finally stayed steady between 100.3 and 100.5. She was doing great and it climbed down from there. Ricky and I collapsed into bed relieved. We looked at her so peaceful and healthy looking. Ricky mentioned how sick she'd look if she was hooked up to wires in the hospital and crying. We were so relieved we hadn't gone in yet.

Overnight her low fever left and she was eating and waking every 2-3 hours again, instead of every 3-4 hours. She’s been fine since.

 Worth mentioning in case other parents are stumbling across my blog looking for illness information:

The degree of fever is not always a good indicator on how sick someone is. In the case of meningitis it is just something to go off of. It’s a warning sign. That is why they say to go to the hospital, so they can monitor the child and get tests running. Meningitis is rare but there’s a lot at stake and babies can go downhill quickly. The absence of these serious symptoms: stiff neck, bulging soft spot, screaming/crying, not wanting to be held made us very confident about staying home but the “what if” thoughts did keep coming. Generally it's hard to tell how a newborn is -especially if they are sleeping. Our baby was waking and alert every 4 hours and wanting to be held and talked to so we luckily had that to go off of. In addition breastfeeding gives babies a huge advantage over illness so if she wasn't getting antibodies and gut protection via colostrum and breast milk we would have been a lot more worried as well. But we were still plennnnnty worried! We find new experiences, new scares, new joys, and new challenges with every new child we have!

Links added later:
When a trip to the hospital brings a visit from CPS

Spinal Taps Carry Higher Risks For Infants And Elderly, Study Shows   
An X-ray-guided spinal tap procedure fails more than half of the time in young infants and should be used sparingly, if at all, for those patients, according to a new study. 

Postpartum: Notes from week one (June 15-19, 2013)

Sat June 15^th- It's very trying to welcome a new baby and then have nearly all of the kids in the entire house get a cold in the same week; coughs, sore throats, sneezes, tears, fevers. (It's been something that's been coming on slowly before the baby was born, it's not a surprise but we were so hoping it wasn’t going to escalate to full blown colds.) 

I got a message from Amazon.com that said my order is shipping. I felt super smart. Six months ago I scheduled a bulk box of organic mac and cheese shells and organic ravioli (Annie's) to be shipping right after the baby's due date. I love when I'm so smart 

Our new baby is precious and sweet and lovely. 

Mon June 17^th- Everett's inconsolable right now. Ricky's trying to reason with him in the kitchen. He just doesn't feel good. I'm so thankful he at least slept well last night so that I was able to sleep well or I'd be fried today. I was so tired yesterday (Father’s Day) I thought I was going to ...die. Last night was my first full night of sleep since the birth. (Nursing while sleeping is still sleeping to me.) I realized yesterday I made a huge mistake by not getting more sleep immediately postpartum. Ricky and I stayed up super late Sat. night and watched TV. When I went to bed at 2am kids started waking up bothered by colds at 4am. Everett was up for good by 5:30am…huge mistake on my part. I think Everett will lay down for a nap really soon and so will I. Baby girl is doing fantastic and sweet --she is such a sweetie. She was making cute faces for us this morning and is pooping right now :) She's doing really awesome. She loves being swaddled, some of our other babies did not, so Ricky went to Target and bought Swaddleme blankets. 

Snug as a bug!

 They are great! She looooves them. Nursing her at night is more comfortable for us both because she's all tucked up in them and the kids holding her is so much more controlled and secure to. I’m glad she likes to stretch out, too, but these blankets are awesome!

Yesterday (Fathers’ Day) I slowly felt true effects of sleep deprivation and hormones crashing. I always describe sleep deprivation for me as feeling like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. By around noon I feel like I could go crazy at any moment. I really feel like I’m coming apart at the seams when I am sleep deprived. I don’t mean one night of bad sleep, but multiple nights or after something like the excitement of giving birth and then not resting enough. I took a nap on Father’s Day but didn’t fully recover from the insane split personality feeling until getting good night sleep where no one woke up, bed hopped, or coughed a night. Thank goodness. Ricky’s pretty torn up without sleep too (he looks like a total zombie without sleep) so I don’t usually want him to get up much with the kids. The kids usually end up wanting me anyway so then both of us end up tired the next day if we both get up. So Sat night sucked but Sunday night was good. In hindsight I should have told Ricky I was doing poorly on Father’s Day but I didn’t want him to know how miserable I was, though he could tell I wasn’t myself. He told me over and over how much he appreciated all I do and that he should tell me more and that he’s sorry I look so tired. It was sweet. I think he was trying to combat overwhelmed postpartum mama hormones by filling me up with compliments. :)

Mon June 17- Sleep stores replenished. Had a good morning outside and a good day inside playing with the kids. We found stuff to do with them and they stayed busy for the most part.

Tues June 18- I love the things they say Everett heard the baby fussing and made it to her about 12 steps before me, he was leaning over her side sleeper with his shirt pulled up and trying to hover over her saying "baby nurse, baby nurse" hahaha I'd have taken a picture but I didn't want him to squish her in the time it might have taken to take a picture.

Sebastian just came up to me and said, "Ohhh babies are so cute, they are so sweet, mom, they are the sweetest...except for Everett now, he's SO MEAN!"

Penelope asked for me to cut her hair short, really short, because it keeps falling on her baby sisters face when she holds her. We just cut it tonight. 

 Penelope says she's "so happy" about six times a day, and she talks to her sister so much. She said to me, "Being a big sister is a hard job, right mom? But fun too, right mom?" I love when she follows up questions with "right mom?" It's sooo cute.

June 19, 2013 Day
This morning Penelope (6) sternly told a misbehaving Sebastian (4), "Be good Sebastian! This is Mom's second day with dad gone."

Oh, bless her little sweet heart. <3 br="">
Yesterday was my first day home with the kids. We made pencil holder cans (out of tin cans and decorated paper) and gingerbread cookie men. Sebastian made me laugh so hard about his gingerbread man. He noticed the girls' faces, made with mini-chocolate chips, looked better than his. He whined at me and told me his looked like a zombie frog. When I looked at his cookie I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Thank goodness he didn't get his feelings hurt and he just made a darling scrunched up unhappy crooked smile of a face at me instead. I love those moments, unless they hurt a kids feelings, then it's awful! But he took it in good stride and I helped him fix his face.

The day went really well. I felt good, Ricky called midday to make sure I was feeling good. He’s going to take more days off but we just aren't sure when. I kinda think next week will be harder than this week. He's unsure because the kids are sick and extra needy this week. Mostly the colds are dissipating though except for the lingering hacking coughs that persist sometimes.

By 4pm I felt tired and done. I really couldn't wait until Ricky got home. Unfortunately he had a dentist appointment in the evening so I had to wait a little extra long for him. I had the kids in the bath and baby girl was sleeping soundly when he arrived; bedtime and story time was largely uneventful, thank goodness.

Everett has moved out of the bedside sleeper. ((yay!)) At two and a half years old he still loved it despite the fact he was squished into it most of the time (the mini Arms Reach Co-sleeper). I tried getting him out months ago but he wasn't ready; now he hasn't slept in it since the baby was born! I put her down in it at bedtime the day she was born and he smiled so big and told her and me his bed was her bed! Oh joy! Oh sweetness! I hoped this would happen. Me telling him the baby needed it and trying to move him from it was too abstract before she was here, but now that she is here and he sees she's smaller and needier it's time for him move on and he understands. He's been sleeping in a cot in our bedroom which Penelope used to sleep on. Penelope meanwhile has finally moved on to sleep with Layla ---the big sisters are hanging out a lot together and I feel Penelope has found a new sense of identity being an older kid now and not a preschooler or a baby like Sebastian, Everett and the new baby. It's glorious, bittersweet and simply adorable.

I haven't had to lay down with Penelope to get her to fall asleep comfortably since a few days before baby girl was born. I miss her. I miss her as a newborn, I miss her as a baby, I miss her as a toddler, I miss her as a preschooler. Kids leave you. Every stage that passes is something you'll never get back. I try to record their voice, write down things they say to preserve them because the truth is they leave themselves and me behind. They blossom into new people over the course of weeks, months and years...and I'm left holding memories together like collage pasted to my motherful heart. There is so much I thought I'd remember that I don't. Everett's voice is something that I wish I could hear forever. He told me yesterday patting the baby's head: 'Ittle, 'ittle, 'ittle bay-bee girl, I 'ove 'ittle bay-bee girl.

 The toddler talk is cute enough, but his voice and the sweetness behind it melts me!

June 19, 2013 Evening

From 3-7pm things went crazy. Crazy toddlers, unhappy newborn wanting to nurse and whose Swaddleme blankets were in the wash. Someone tiny and loud was really not happy about the absence of the Swaddleme! Blankets are out; it’s all about the Swaddleme for his little girl. I’m amazed.

The kids have had colds and coughs and now Sebastian got an earache. Sigh. While the kids and I tried to make dinner Everett pinched, yelled, and ran around acting Crazy. Then later he did it all over again. I wish I could say it is post baby jealousy, haaa....he’s been like this for a year! Insane toddler! 

June 21, 2013 

One week Birthday wishes to our baby girl. She has a name in progress and we're trying it out within the family and searching for a middle name. 

I felt guilty we didn't tend to or even pick our strawberries very often this season, why go through the work of growing them if you aren't going to pick them!? Then out of the blue, while quietly picking some sad looking nearly bad berries for our fruit salad tonight, Penelope (6) said, "Mom you're awesome because you are picking strawberries with a baby." My heart melted and I laughed happily. I'm so glad she pointed out that joy to me. I wanted to write it down to remember forever. 

I had a feeling today. I opened the fridge to put something away while I had baby girl swaddled and close to me with one arm. A familiar overwhelming feeling of perfection filled my heart, I love having a child in my arms. It makes everything in life sweeter. I also had a feeling of ease as I moved around the kitchen gracefully. Making breakfast, putting things in the fridge, wiping the table. Little monotonous regular tasks with a baby in my arms. I felt like I was doing something grand by being a mom, taking care of her, and taking care of the rest of the family. I can take care of my baby and everyone else too. I am doing it. Here we go...number 8.