All Things With Faith and Love

When we were expecting baby Penelope (kiddo #5) Ricky was accepted into an intensive graduate program for finance at Washington University.

When we were expecting baby Sebastian Ricky graduated from the intensive graduate program and got his first job using his degree.

When we were expecting baby Everett Ricky changed jobs within the firm he worked for. He earned himself a position that was more fitting for him (but still not exactly what fit him best.) His new boss, who had six kids of his own, helped Ricky with his career in ways that we will always be truly thankful. He helped introduce him to people and recommend him to another department because he wanted to see Ricky use his full potential.

When we were expecting Baby Beatrice another job opportunity came along. Remarkably, his next new boss also had a large family...seven kids. Very fun to meet so many others with a large families.

We have joked that good things happen to us when we have babies. We have joked off and on over the years that we should just have another baby so he can further his career. We joked, and not really joked, because it is true. It kept happening. Remarkable things happen to us when we have babies. We grow as a family, as a couple, as parents, and in other ways. Everything aligns: faith, luck, hard work...it all seems to come together. As we began our journey to large family living I often heard other very large families with 10, 12, 14 kids say that God always provides. Over the years I started to understand what they meant.

We are expecting a new baby this fall, the ninth blessing to join our home and lives, and Ricky is yet AGAIN going through a transformational period in his life related to his career. Staying within same firm that has been such a blessing to our lives, he recently had an amazing career opportunity. He starts his "new" job today. He gives 100% of himself at work and 100% of himself to us at home and I am so very thankful every single day of my life for such a passionate and hardworking man. I love him so much and know how much he loves us because he shows me everyday. I am truly blessed. I hope the children read this someday and know that their mother and father truly do support, love, honor, and cherish each other everyday. I hope Ricky reads this and knows that I know how hard he works, and that he does it for us, and that I am grateful for his dedication. Some people have told me that we make having so many kids look easy. I know what they mean, because so often Ricky makes taking care of us look easy too. It's not so much that it's easy. He works very hard. I of course work very hard too. We both get worn down, we get stressed, we get tired...really tired. I suddenly realized one day that it's not that it's easy, it's that we do all things with faith and love.

Child Led Solid Food

I was just thinking I should blog about Beatrice starting solid food and drinking from a cup when a friend asked me about starting solids with her first baby. So yay for me, I'm now encouraged and inspired to talk about babies...I know it's really hard to get me to do that! Ha!

Beatrice officially started solids in the past three weeks or so; she will be nine months old in three days. I delay solids as long as possible -that pretty much means until my baby keeps grabbing my food and smacking their lips until I give in. Here is a very detailed page about why it's good to delay. (That link is at Kellymom.com, it is a great site! Check it out further when you have the time. All kinds of awesome information there.)

Here's a snippet: 

Gastric acid and pepsin are secreted at birth and increase toward adult values over the following 3 to 4 months. The pancreatic enzyme amylase does not reach adequate levels for digestion of starches until around 6 months, and carbohydrate enzymes such as maltase, isomaltase, and sucrase do not reach adult levels until around 7 months. Young infants also have low levels of lipase and bile salts, so fat digestion does not reach adult levels until 6-9 months.

First
 If you don't know why rice cereal is really bad for babies please read/watch this. Rice cereal is a terrible first food and has no place in a child's diet. Brown rice shouldn't be introduced as a first food because it is harder and more complex to digest as a first food. Soft fruits and veggies are best.  

 I have no desire to fill my baby up with solids in hopes they will be hungry less often, or sleep better, or for any other outdated reason. The goal many parents have had in the past (and to a large extent today) is to tank young babies up so they would sleep all night. This isn't good for many reasons. The coolest thing though is that Breastmilk is actually a sleep aid for babies! Mother's milk is ever changing and is actually different at different times of the day!

Starting
-My baby must first sit up on their own which is one sign of readiness.

-Around 6 months old (but sometimes 5 months old)  I usually notice my little ones: smacking their lips, watching food go into my mouth, looking REALLY interested in food and grabbing for it. Once the interest starts it gradually grows. Babies are smart and aware; they have been watching people eat since birth.
-The first food I usually give is between 6-8 months old. It's generally avocado or banana mashed up really fine on a spoon by me. If they gag or push food out of their mouth with their tongue that shows they are not ready. I'll try again some days later if they still seem like they really want solid food and keep grabbing and/or smacking their lips.
-I give peeled apples to suck on as an introduction to tastes and texture. A small amount of apple pulp that they suck and gum out may help with solid food swallowing practice. I gave one to Beatrice at seven months old.
-Babies will slowly start to learn a chewing motion with their mouth and learn to swallow solids. They ALWAYS gag a little at first because it's brand new, but I see gagging as a sign of not being ready too. There is a difference between a baby gagging and a baby learning to swallow solids and I watch for that.

 -I will not sit and shovel drippy food into my child's mouth as they drool it out and force feed it back to them. I choose a child led method.
-If my baby is interested in food but gags at food I'll just continue to let them gnaw on peeled apples.

 Moving Forward
 I breastfeed my baby before feeding solids so that my supply stays up ( I want my baby getting her calories from my milk instead of filling up on baby food). I do not want my infant skipping nursing sessions! This isn't as much as an issue when they first start tasting and trying foods, but could be an issue later when they can actually make meals or snacks out of solid foods.

 Once they are "into food" I give strawberries to gnaw on under careful supervision. If my baby doesn't have any teeth yet then they are not likely to bite off big hunks very often. This is a new sensitization, texture, flavor and they love it! Strawberries are a big joy for my babies, I think they just love the firm but soft edible texture. (Warning: wash them well and buy organic when you can, unfortunately strawberries tend to be very heavily sprayed. Pay attention to your baby -strawberries can give some babies a diaper rash. None of mine have trouble.)
 
 I give my babies baby teething biscuits/baby cookies to chew on, which aren't the best as I don't feel wheat is all that great on the system but it keeps babies super occupied and happy and they don't tend to eat much of it anyway. I buy organic whole grain varieties.  I like this kind -carrot and ginger. Even though rice cereal is a no-no and above I said brown rice isn't a good first food either, I still give these whole grain organic brown rice puffs on occasion, it is not filling and she doesn't eat it all at first anyway (most of it ends up on her bib or me). But it's super entertaining for her and it teaches her brand new chewing and swallowing motions with added texture. I make sure everything I give like that is sugar free and organic. This is sweetened with fruit juice which does add "sugar" and is totally unneeded at this age, but like I said it's totally occupying! And it definitely teaches chewing safely, so I see it as a learning tool. I'm also able to make breakfast for the other kids because she's so entertained.

  I do not feed my babies very often (if ever) from a spoon and jar the old fashioned way. Not only is it messy and time consuming, I believe shoveling food into a baby is not the best way for a child to self regulate food intake and learn to feed themselves. Also, I'm lazy! So I encourage self feeding with this silicone feeder: 

This looks like it is filled with fresh mashed carrot. The one I actually have is from Target and is a little different (open tip instead of holes throughout). This brand is by Kidsme.

 Beatrice LOVES this thing! And she never overeats because she is feeding herself; I am not stuffing food into her mouth. Young baby feedings often include the baby pushing food out of their mouths while you are wiping it off the baby's lips and chin with the spoon. The excess is re-feed it to them over and over until it is finally gone. Gradually a baby will learn to accept the food and eagerly open their mouths, but I would like to encourage parents to make sure they are not overfeeding their baby or feeding too early. Baby shouldn't be pushing food out with their tongue, a baby should be a willing participant of the experience and very engaged in this new eating thing!

 I use resealable organic baby food pouches for convenience and squirt a little in the feeder pictured above. You can also stuff it with cooked fresh veggies or fruits. You could make your own baby food puree if you want, and a lot of moms do these days. I don't make my own because organic baby food is a  cheaper faster option for me. (I buy in bulk and get Subscribe and Save deals from Amazon.) My babies are only on baby food periodically to learn about tastes and texture and when we travel or run errands. One pouch tends to last me for days when they are young. Then all too soon it's off to the big stuff!

Ditching the pureed stuff
Once they start chomping down everything in sight (and with or without teeth they may do this sooner than you think!) I just feed them what I'm eating off my plate: Avocado, banana, mashed up sweet potato, cooked carrots, mashed potato, mashed up broccoli, cantaloupe, mango, asparagus, lintels, beans. Last night I was popping peas into Beatrice's mouth off my dinner plate and eating the skin for her. She was the cutest little baby bird ever! Eventually heavier things (oatmeal, eggs, noodles, whole grain brown rice, meats, fats, more grains) wiggle their way into their diet. I think eggs are a fabulous food. If you let your child lead they will be squealing and pawing for your plate. They will quickly realize there are LOTS of foods to try! So I don't mess with expensive messy baby food for long, or the time it takes to puree and freeze my own.

 Babies learn super fast to feed themselves when they are ready for solids and can grab food. They will simply chew (or gum rather) up their food. Eventually they will want a spoon! Everett didn't have teeth until after his first birthday! But the kid still ate everything. Even chicken in tiny pieces. He loved cooked carrots. At first I cut them up into bites that I would feed him but after that he became an avid eater, so I just gave him a cooked baby carrot stick cut in half for him to feed himself . For me it seems that somewhere between 14 and 18 months old I needed to make sure my baby eats well before bedtime or they may wake hungry for more than a breastmilk only feeding.

Cucumber: My new go-to finger food

 Recently we gave Beatrice a slice of cucumber with the skin peeled off (we left a little skin on one side for a better grip). She went nuts for it! They are so mild, cooling, full of moisture, easy to suck on, and they break apart slowly. Cucumbers are actually packed with many vitamins and minerals. Beatrice makes cute talking and "ahuuah!" babbling noises every time I'm in the kitchen with her and she won't stop until I get cucumber out! She asks for it like crazy! Yesterday she nom-nomed through at least 10 cucumber circles! (When it gets too gnawed down and small we just replace it with another.)

For the under one crowd, babies with no teeth, or when I'm not supervising very well: The Mesh Feeder
 I also put fresh food into this great contraption. It's a mesh version of the feeder pictured above. For me the silicone ones (as pictured above) is best suited for actual pureed baby food and this mesh one is better for whole chunks of food they puree on their own from biting down and gumming on it. I think it's a bit more messy to use, but they feed themselves and it's great for bigger chunks of cooked carrots, banana, cantaloupe, brown rice, beans, strawberry and anything else you want to load it with. I will still likely use a mesh one with Beatrice even though we are using the other right now. Other babies gave them a run for their money and I need to replace it. I've been using these for nearly every baby for years and years. I love this product because it makes any chunk of food instantly super safe for baby!

Drinking ~ Cups

 I read a long time ago that babies can go on a nursing strike and if they do they can be cup fed pumped milk. I couldn't even imagine a nursing strike with any of my eager and very attached-to-me nursing babies... but lo and behold we had one. When Penelope (now 7 years old) was a very young baby she went on a nursing strike. She was hungry and refused to nurse. There are all sorts of reasons babies can go on strike. So just like everyone recommends I pumped my milk and fed her from a cup. I was amazed, flabbergasted, stunned... it was magic. Babies, very small babies, can drink from cups.  Check out this precious video of a newborn baby drinking expressed breastmilk from a cup.

 By the way, if you are reading this and are in need of, or are just curious about, alternative feeding methods that go beyond just using a bottle (Cup, dropper, syringe, and links with various methods) check out this link: Tools for Feeding: Alternative Feeding Methods – Bottles & More

 So Penelope was fed from a cup until her nursing strike ended (2 days) and from then on I always taught my babies to drink from cups at around 6-8 months old, basically when solids started up.

What I do is hold a cup to their lip and slowly tilt it. They start to make a mouthy suck gesture when water hits their mouth, and I very slowly try to not let too much fall out. A clear glass cup works best for me to see better. They usually cough and choke at first in surprise, but after only a handful of tries they get used to sucking it in slowly and stopping the flow themselves. Most people never know that young babies are perfectly capable of drinking from a cup. There is no need to ever use bottles if you don't want to. (Juice is junk food to babies and should not be given.)

Teaching Beatrice to drink from a cup
A few weeks ago Beatrice was grabbing for my water and making cute curious noises that mean 'give it to me!' so I let her try it. After a few attempts over two days she got the hang of it and loves a cool little drink now. And water is tasty! She looks so happy when she asks for it and after she drinks it! I really just love watching her learn the muscle control of sucking it in and pushing it out of her mouth to prevent herself from choking. Babies learn so fast!

Food I don't ever give under one year:
Citrus - can cause bad rashes, best to wait until 12 months or older (learned that one the hard way!)
Honey- can contain botulism spores recommend to wait until at least after age 1. I usually wait a bit longer and we generally only use it in smoothies so it's a trivial amount anyway.
Animal milk- Not for the first year. I'm not sure when I introduce it. I guess it's by yogurt at about 14 months of age. 
Juice- Has no place in a young child's diet. Unless it's a smoothie made from frozen fruit mixed with a little juice for blending, or fresh squeezed fruit and veggie juice my babies never drink juice.

Corn Chips?
Eventually our babies go all crazy and want everything they see us eat. Last night it was organic corn chips. It's not going to hurt her, but it's not "real" food either. After her arms flapped like a bird and her bright blue eyes begged, I finally met her little baby squeals and grunts with the magic of a corn chip. She nom-nomed it right down and started asking for more. No teeth, no choking or gagging...just a baby sucking and nibbling on a corn chip against her mother's better judgement. And she pulverized it and asked for more. I gave her a sweet drink of fresh water which she appreciated. Perfect example that babies learn FAST when they are ready. We also come from a long line of food lovers, so it figures.

Adults: You STOP Bullying First

Dear Parents, caregivers of children, or future parents,

  This ranty letter isn't just about one kid... this is about all kids, but one kid inspired me to write it. An 11 year old tried to commit suicide by hanging himself and he is fighting for his life now. (Link at bottom of page)
He was being bullied at school. These types of stories are not few and far between. These kinds of stories are easy to find, easy to come across, and horrible to imagine. So are stories about sexual abuse among kids and teens -peers abusing each other. It happens more than anyone knows because parents are often too preoccupied to realize it. It happens more than it should because we let kids raise each other most of the week, especially from Jr. High on up.

 Childhood should be the most amazing, free, happy, transformational time of a child's life, instead it's often a constant race to survive. It's a time that many look back on with good memories...but most of us also have heartbreaking stories too. There are often various events, situations, and periods of time where we should have been protected or guided either from the bully or from being the bully.

 Socialization of children is a total joke...it's not healthy for kids to grow up with as much unsupervised alone time as they do -completely free to ridicule and treat each other however they want. Kids shouldn't be expected to know how to treat others if they aren't guided through it. Not only do they need supervision, but they need examples, and they need to be taught. We follow around three year old kids and teach them manners, basic life skills and hygiene, how to cut with scissors, and how to cross the street. We teach our four year old kids to share, how to clean up, and how to make a bowl of cereal. We teach these young tikes how to talk to adults and say thank you and to not throw fits or whine. We teach them to share and to be fair with their young friends; but soon, all too soon, we let these kids run off largely unsupervised to play with other children from families we don't even know... all in the name of "socialization." And we let them do it forever and we rarely look back. From kindergarten on many of us rarely see what kids do during the day when they are "socializing."

 Today I just wanted a type out a message to parents and the message is this: What you say affects kids. What they see, hear, and learn about... ALL types of communication you have with them and that they have with other people affects them. If you bash others, or simply just complain or harass others within earshot of children they learn it is okay to do it to other people...namely their peers. They learn communication and socialization first from you and second from others and television/radio. They learn it's funny to ridicule others. We all do it at some point, and the point of it is usually to selfishly put ourselves on a pedestal above all others. It eventually becomes a serious habit for most people. A habit most people don't even realize they have. I'm a really nice person who cares about other people, but even I realized a few years back I said things I shouldn't. I changed myself for my kids, because even though I wasn’t a mean person I still said some negative things that I wouldn’t want them to say. In our household we also quit saying the word hate. We have to find kinder and more descriptive ways and reasons for saying we dislike something or someone; we also often to try to match a positive with a negative. This humanizes people and broadens our view on things. Even politically I play fair and try to teach two sides to every opinion and that people have the right to theirs. I just feel like it makes kinder, better kids to do so.

 Please pay attention to what you say about people that like certain things. Pay attention to how you treat others. Pay attention when you say 'I hate this actor’s ugly hair', 'I hate this show', 'look at that fat person', or whatever other rude thing you hold a personal opinion or bias about. What you say and how you treat others becomes your child's world view.

 Please pay attention when you say someone looks like a slut, or they have a big nose, or they are "lazy" because they get government assistance. Pay attention when hateful words fly out of your mouth about politics. Pay really close attention to everything you say and imagine your child going up to another child and rattling off those same words.

Just pay attention.

 If you say something on purpose or accident at least have the common sense and decency to follow up your negativity with something positive like: 'Well at least variety makes things interesting, I might not like it but people have a right to be who they are." Or, "I shouldn't say that, they are people too, I will be nicer and not bully people with my opinions."

 Make new habits to NOT say things you wouldn't say to someone in person. Deep down most of us adults don't want to hurt other people; most of us do have a conscience when held accountable for our words and actions. We have to teach our kids right from wrong and that should come largely from our example.

 Our kids grow up in a world where it's funny to ridicule people: just watch TV and read celebrity news. Read anything on the internet (especially the comments on news stories or on Facebook).  You'll see just how disgusting and hateful people are. A woman posted pictures of herself surfing while pregnant and the outpouring of hate and people calling her an idiot was baffling. Another blogger posted what others thought of as too many 'selfies' and so she received hate mail and death threats, from adults! Bullying is rampant, it's bad, and it's hurting our society. People LOVE to hate, and honestly they feed on it... it's gross. It has become cool to hate on things. It has  become cool to spew on about how much people and things suck.

 Commercials, T.V., movies, radio, magazines, Internet memes...you can find hate and shame in those things daily. Our kids soak it all up and they learn to be judgmental and hateful through them, their peers, and us. We all enjoy a funny skit on Saturday Night Live from time to time, or edgy comic bit, or political meme poking fun. We all laugh at someone's expense sometimes. I'm saying to be aware of it. Ask yourself why you think it's funny to make fun of others. Ask yourself why you're laughing. Ask yourself what your child is watching.

Our kids are watching and listening more than anyone thinks.

 I just recently heard one of my kids mock something they didn't understand or even care to understand. It wasn't a big deal, it wasn't even hateful, but it was unkind and uncompassionate. I broke into an impassioned speech about being nice and kind and watching what we say and who we judge. What they mocked meant something to someone and I don't want them spreading unkindness or meanness to others. It's especially important because their younger brothers and sisters were listening to them. It was a perfect example of standing up for someone in front of my kids so that they would learn empathy. They understood when I was done, and of course hadn’t even realized they were being unkind or negative.

 So that's my message today: watch kids, guide kids, show them good examples, talk to them about bullying, ask them what kind of bullying they see and how it makes them feel, ask them if they bully. Express to your kids that we should be kind to others and stand up for others. Be the person you want your kids to be. Teach personal boundaries and sexual boundaries. Teach kids not to touch, assault, rape, harm, push, or speak badly to other people. Teach kids about cyber bullying, and monitor what they do online. Don’t just assume they will be good kids. Say the words to them. Tell them what you expect and ask them to talk to you about things they see on T.V. or from their peers. Start young and then show them by example.

 After all the effort I put into raising nice kids, many years ago one of my kids did bully someone. This was 9 years ago or so... and of course I was shocked, but I faced it head on and we talked about it in detail. Turns out they were mimicking something they saw in a PG movie geared towards kids, and they had just repeated/reenacted what they saw and they did it word for word.

Kids ARE WATCHING and learning from everything they see.

News Story:

11-yr-old Boy Bullied for Being A Brony Fighting for Life After Suicide Attempt; How You Can Help

Summer Fun, KOV, Siblings, Ketchup, Doing Good

7/29/13
 The kids look forward to this week all year long. This is our third year at this very special VBS. It's a high energy, fast paced time of competition, biblical learning, field trips, team building, and fun. I had no idea what an experience it was until family night rolled around the first year. Family night is filled with energy, excitement, competition, dessert, prayer, an amazing slide show of the week, and a walk through (literally) of what they experienced camp that week. I realized quickly that this wasn't just a VBS. I couldn't believe how much activity and leadership could all be packed into a week. (So many activities: Bowling, sports, crafts, ropes course, water games, sponge wars, silliness, swimming, and a ton more!!) After their first week of camp in 2011 it was all they could talk about for a long time. They could not wait until the next year. Charlotte's been a teen leader since we started going, this is Sage and Ethan's first year of teen leadership, and this is Layla's second year as a camper. Besides fun focus is on being kind and helpful to others, to Do Good, and to put God first, others second, and yourself third. It's encouraged to have team spirit in the form of hair color spray, face paint, Etc., and for this you get extra points for your team. (Spirit points!) Charlotte painted her nails her team color in the car, I can’t believe I let her.

Our very first year I heard the dean saying “do good” to the children; I also saw him say it on Facebook and in camp letters, too. That is something we have been telling our kids for years; be kind and don’t just be good…do good! I liked him right away for that and other reasons.

Back to family night: I was stunned at the excitement and fun! The chants, songs, and cheers that came from all the kids were instrumental in team building. For two years in a row our kids' voices were hoarse after day two, nearly gone at day four and seriously gone by the end of family night. Screaming, cheering and showing enthusiasm is part of the whole experience! Even the kids that are reserved at first seem to warm up to the idea that this is a time to really let loose and be part of something good. The kids really feel part of something bigger than themselves, and why wouldn't they with the faith and character building exercises they get to be a part of. 

From the very beginning I was absolutely thrilled that all ages were mixed together on teams. This was a welcome surprise. The big kids help the little kids and the teen leaders are instrumental in creating balance, enthusiasm and fun.

Our home life works the same way...we help each other. There is no choice, it's just the way it is. It's expected, it's healthy, and it’s natural. 

Habitually segregating children by age is a huge pet peeve of mine (and is of many homeschooling families). We have so much to learn from each other. In a society where children are constantly pushed aside and treated as inconveniences, it's super important to teach kids of all ages how to interact with people younger than them. I can't tell you how often I see other siblings treating each other horribly; hitting each other, telling each other to shut up, refusing to help one another. I think it's a real problem and I think it's very sad. I've recently seen it in a public school setting, the park, and the grocery store. I saw a 12 year old boy literally shove his little six year old sister in the grocery store. I saw a 10 year old boy scare his little six year old brother in the grocery store by purposefully hiding so the six year old would think he was lost. It's gross. Kids and teens need adult supervision, guidance, role models (in the community and at home), and they need to understand how respect works.

That first year, after driving the kids for a week back and forth to the church, I hadn't expected a family night event to close out the week. It wasn't a convenient night for us so I told the kids I wasn't sure if we were going. They explained to me that it was super important they go and that the winning team was going to be announced. Clearly we couldn't miss that. So off we went with their exhausted and reluctant dad who had worked late all week, and I with a baby and toddler glued to me. We found ourselves in a packed church with hundreds of kids who lit the place up, all full of life and hearts full of love. They had bonded together and they were really, really having fun together, even with the adults.

Parents got to meet and interact with the amazing staff and leaders and we got a real sense of what an amazing positive experience our kids got to be a part of. 

On the way to the first day of the third year of camp this morning I looked at my four oldest kids in the car and they were beaming. Smiles ear to ear, chattering about the things they were looking forward to. Charlotte talked about campers from last year, a little girl named Charlotte was on her team last year and she hoped to see her again. The kids spoke of other kids, teen leaders, interns, staff, and the Dean; all of whom that made lasting impressions on them in different ways.

When I picked them all up they were happy and we talked about who was on what team. They asked me for face paint so I stopped at Wal-Mart and took everybody in…all  nine of us, what a sight to see. I held baby Beatrice (5 weeks old) and Charlotte pushed Sebastian (4) and Everett (2) in a cart. We picked out beads, hair spray and face paint in the colors that we needed. (orange, purple, blue) I remembered we needed dog food so we went to the pet section. Of course we had to stop and see the fish. Then I spotted some Betta fish and thought what a fun close to the day it would be if we got a fish. So we got a fish…and a fish bowl. Then Charlotte reminded me we needed to feed it (I laughed because I had not considered that). So she picked out food and treats for the fish. (Fish treats!?) We chattered rather loudly about what to name it as we also picked out fake plants for it to hide behind. It's a bright red fish so Layla liked the name fire. Charlotte suggested Roy. I announced that we can all call it different names like we have done with our cats in the past, "Since it doesn't answer to its name we can all name it something different if we want." Everyone agreed to that. Sebastian became less interested and ran away because he got upset; I wouldn't let him buy something with the 35 cents he was carrying around. I told him gently that this wasn't the dollar store and he took it really hard and was angry, so he ran away. Sage, Ethan, and Layla went after him four isles over and when I finally caught up he came willingly back to the fish isle but was still cranky.

People in the store probably thought we were NUTS. But it's the fun kind of nuts, at least we think so. Everett's face was covered in dirt and strawberries from the day. Sebastian had no shoes on. We looked wild, we were post KOV excitement, and we were probably a little louder than I remember. We checked out and I decided to take the kids to 5 Guys Burgers and Fries for dinner. Ricky and I wanted to take them there for a long time as a special outing. (It's a fat chunk of money to take everyone there!) While nursing the baby in the parking lot and trying to write down everyone's order on a piece of paper somebody let Everett out of his car seat and he climbed on the van dash and laid down. Then he harassed me until I yelled that we were going to go home if he didn't stop being insane. Under my breath I said, "I have lost control. I am defeated." Somehow I finally felt brave enough to get everyone out of the van and we went in. People stared. I guess they never saw a woman, 8 kids, and a betta fish walk into a restaurant before. My reinforcement (AKA the love of my life) showed up and the kids promptly greeted him and exclaimed, “WE GOT A FISH!” The fish sat in its plastic cup on our table while we ate outside in the beautiful 75 degree weather. The kiddos all said what I thought they would about 5 Guys ... best burger they've ever had!

The kids all named their Betta fish Ketchup as we inhaled hot, fresh french fries dipped in ketchup.

Okay so this is a body double pic, but I don't have time to take a picture of the real Ketchup right now and this post is better with a picture of a fish!

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7/30/13 and 7/31/13

This morning on the way to camp we had an uproarious time of songs, silliness, jokes and laughter. Layla said the car ride is more fun than camp. I took that as a high compliment knowing what I was contending with. We make up words (like blob-sticle-course ...don’t ask) and laugh at each other. I’m not sure what I said but Charlotte cracked up at something goofy I got wrong or said wrong. I told her I was going to crash if we kept laughing. I love that we all sing in the car together. Somehow, for some weird reason, we took turns fake sneezing how we think Micheal Jackson would sound like sneezing. I don't know how we think of this stuff. 
 We recently had a 20 minute conversation about mean people, people who bully, kids learning meanness from adults, celebrities being shamed and bullied, and also body shaming and fat shaming in our society and how wrong it is. 

I just love our time together!

Super Mom

I recently added an occupation to my Facebook profile. I already had 'Stay at Home Mom' as my job but Facebook asked me to get more specific by asking for my position at 'Stay at Home Mom.' Without thinking I instinctively typed "homemaker/awesome wife/super mom." And I've been thinking about it ever since. My husband thinks I'm awesome, and I think I'm awesome (a good portion of the time at least), and now I'm telling everyone that I indeed am awesome -and super. Awesomely super-full of myself perhaps?

 We sure are fed mixed signals about being great and feeling good about ourselves, aren't we? I was fed a healthy dose of self esteem as a grade schooler. The 'you can be anything you want, you can do anything you want, you are special, feel good about yourself' pep talks from school and parents were rampant in the 80's.  All of that self esteem building only to find out later that if we actually feel that way, if we actually have a can-do attitude, and if we actually feel awesome, we are really in a way just putting other people down, and we might be conceded. As life rolls on I've figured out that for just as many people that tell you to feel good about yourself there is a line of people that tell you to feel guilty about it --or to quit making them feel guilty because of your happiness or achievements!

 I have noticed there are lots of articles and blog posts online dedicated to the myth of the super mom; posts about how no one is perfect and about how being a "good enough mom" is good enough. There seems to be a lot of moms out there writing to inspire others to feel good about their decisions, to assure women that we are all fighting the same battle, and that as women, wives, and mothers we don't all have to be: cookie baking, elaborate party throwing, bathroom scrubbing, play date hopping, do-it-all, super moms. I think some of these articles bring a lot to the table, but at the same time some of the things people write aren't very nice. Many of these articles claim that Super Moms don't exist, that moms that seem to juggle life with a smile are fake people or lying, I have even read that Super Moms are actually bullies in disguise trying to make everyone else feel bad. So when I described my occupation as Super Mom I kinda felt bad about it. So I thought about it and I think what most moms probably don't know is that they are Super Moms! Nearly all moms work HARD, so I think moms should start acting like they are super. A mother's work is never done and being a mother is important. Remind me again what job is more important?


I get the sentiment but I still take issue with the "good enough" comment. Who wants to be a good enough mom? Or a good enough doctor? Or a good enough hair stylist? Or a good enough firefighter? I my eyes being the best you can be and being good enough are different things. One is inspiring willpower and accomplishment, the other implies a lackluster attitude and settling for less. I think we should encourage each other and our own selves to be good, even great, each in our own individual ways. No matter what there will always be someone better than all of us (someone smarter, prettier, funnier, more creative, more organized, more patient, more witty, Etc.). But everyone has the potential within them to be the best they can be and feel good about it; I think that is awesome. It is super.

We are all super in different ways.
 Okay some of us might not be super, and some should work on that. Like if you binge drink around your kids, physically or mentally harm your children, hit your partner, or if you abandon your kid or otherwise put your child in danger. In those cases you probably aren't very super mom-ish. In those cases people need to reach out for some help. Generally speaking though moms love their kids and protect their kids. There ARE cruddy moms (and people) out there but generally speaking us moms strive to care for our kids and work hard at it. I work hard at it. I work hard a being fair and being consistent. I work hard at being a good example for my kids. I work hard at having a clean house, a fun life and good kids. I work hard and sometimes I feel really awesome about it, other times I feel like it's never enough and sometimes it's totally exhausting. Sometimes I make little mistakes, sometimes I make big mistakes. What I do know is that as long as I'm trying and working hard I am accomplishing super things. I don't want to be good enough, I want to be the best that *I* can be. As long as I spend time and effort making myself a better person and show love to my family *I* feel full of awesome, and we should all feel full of awesome!

So what is a super mom?
 This is such a loaded term, and it means different things to all of us, and that's good and okay. A Super Mom to me is almost any mom really. A Super Mom is brave enough to love deeply, to try, to cry, to laugh, to be brave enough to be strong and brave enough to be weak. A Super Mom still makes mistakes and knows how to own up to those mistakes. A Super Mom comes in all shapes and sizes. A Super Mom should know that no mater what happens today that tomorrow is another day. Super Moms pace the floor with teething, crying babies and have to sometimes clean up barf at 2am. Super Moms teach kindness to their kids, Super Moms love their kids, Super Moms worry about their kids. Super Moms hold hands with their kids. Super Moms buy store bought play-doh, or make homemade play dough. Super Moms make homemade pizza, or store bought pizza. Super Moms bake from scratch brownies, or store bought brownies. Some Super Moms scrub their houses weekly and some don't. Some Super Moms wear make-up and some don't. Some Super Moms make homemade baby food, some buy it at the store. Super Moms do the best they can with what talents they have. Super Moms make the best decisions they can with the information they have. When a Super Mom makes a mistake she tries better next time.

Traits of Super Heroes
A super hero possess extraordinary powers and abilities... 
Mothers do
A super hero has a strong moral code including a willingness to risk one's own safety in the service of good without expectation of reward...
Mothers do
A super hero has a motivation, such as a sense of responsibility...
Mothers do
A super hero can have both weaknesses and limited capabilities. Super heroes can make mistakes, misjudge and can sometimes lose!
Mothers do

(WHAT? Super heroes can be weak? Defeated? Tired? On the verge of giving up? Yes, and guess what? They are still SUPER!)

I love being a Super Mom (and wife). I happen to enjoy staying home and being a traditional homemaking mother and wife. Not everyone does, but I do. I'm not super at all of it all the time, no one is super at what they do ALL of the time. But in general I feel super, happy, and accomplished at things that are important to me. I have my good days and bad days and I know everyone else does too. I shouldn't be a threat to other Super Moms for saying that I am super nor them to me. Superheros aren't comparing capes with each other and Super Moms shouldn't either. We are all full of awesome.

If you aren't a self proclaimed Super Mom, then maybe it's time you became one. Because if you are a mom and you *LOVE* your child(ren) you probably are a Super Mom in disguise. :)

And now after ignoring my children to write this I'm going to try and reclaim Super Mom feelings within myself and muster up some energy and patience to regain control of the household since my kids are fighting, one is naked, and they are all bored and complaining! Have a great day Super Moms!

Winning a Pie Contest and Meeting Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar (Why I really do love them)

 When we arrived at the Patriot Day Rally we had a few things to get in order: pie drop off, bounce house for kids, find some food. After we got our food I was happy the table seating was taken up because I instead parked us in the grass next to where the Duggar family was signing autographs and meeting people. There was a huge line to meet them. Some of their older kids noticed us as I started spreading out blankets for kids to sit on and as Ricky and I opened chips and drinks for little kids. I often feel like a busy and satisfied mother hen tending to my chicks as I'm: wiping faces, making sure they have the food they will actually eat, helping them with this and that, patting them on the heads, kissing their cheek and laughing at them... or telling them to be good/quiet down... or to STOP fighting.

 The line to meet the Duggar family got longer and longer. I had not planned on waiting in line. I went up close to take some photos of them talking to other people. I just wanted to observe. As more of the event unfolded the Duggar clan soon took the stage leaving the line of people on hold. Their kids sang, played violins, played piano, they talked. 

 I knew our little kids were going to grow bored so we headed off to the playground after a while. Jim Bob and Michelle were telling their life story together which included the motivation behind having a large family, but I already knew some of those things. I wanted to make sure my kids didn't get burnt out and bored so I could listen in later and be there for the winning pie announcement. Sebastian is at this really frustrating (for us all) 3-4 year old screaming/angry stage. He's very independent and having trouble expressing himself and controlling his anger so I try to keep him busy and unruffled.

 We played on the playground and then played closer to the event. We played duck-duck goose, red light green light and ran round like crazies. Sebastian screamed over something, I was worried about him having a meltdown but he was okay. 

Charlotte's unbaked cherry-raspberry pie

 When it was time for door prize announcements we moved in closer. 

my unbaked apple star pie

 Yay pie contest was up first!! Third place was a peanut butter pie, second place they announced was Charlotte! To which I jumped up and down and started yelling, "This is my 16 year daughter!! She won 2nd!!" I'm sure she was thrilled at my yelling. Hahaha. Then they announced my name for 1st place. I jumped up hollering and acting like I was at a pie rodeo. I grabbed Charlotte by the arm and pulled her up to the front of the podium with me. All the while I'm yelling, "Mother-daughter won, mother-daughter won!!" at the top of my excited lungs.

                                                                  I dorked out. Totally.

And not only did they say I won but they said that my pie was exceptional. I'm so happy!

 The lady handing us our ribbons questioned me with a smile, "Wait, did you say you're mother and daughter?" I proudly did not hesitate to confirm that fact once again. When we got back to our seats in the grass some other people asked if we were mother and daughter too. It was fun. Several people thought it was so neat! We thought it was pretty great to win together. Charlotte worked so hard on her pie!

 After we collected our other prizes/ gift certificates I realized I dorked out and Charlotte was sweet and reassured me that it was okay. She's so cute :)  Aunt Sharon had met us at the rally so she got to see. She was so glad she came and didn't miss it!

 It was dark and the little kids were bored, unfortunately the other fun things closed down. We didn't get to the mechanical bull ride or rock wall climb in time. It was a bummer. We walked around the back of the stage area and ended up at the end of the line to meet the Duggar family. I stepped in line and looked at my husband lovingly and asked if we should wait after all. Charlotte was all for waiting in line and so were Sage and Ethan. Ricky said sure but we both had the obvious worry about the younger kids. He took them for a walk to see some emergency vehicles on display. I strapped Everett into the Ergo baby carrier to nurse and he thankfully fell asleep. When Ricky came back Sebastian and Penelope sat in the double stroller and looked bored but tired. It wasn't long until they started fighting, crying or doing both. It was 8pm and dark. I thought the fireworks might start and that would be the perfect line waiting activity, but we found out they didn't start until 9pm. Somehow we entertained the kids, it was touch and go for a little bit but then things were fine. There were jumbo post cards with the Duggar family on them that we could get signed. The kids met about five of the Duggar kids, they were super friendly. They talked and answered questions if you instigated the conversation. I thanked them for being so nice to sign autographs and be at the event, they said they loved it.

 As I approached Jim Bob and Michelle I gushed with a big smile and they returned it. 

 They were just as fantastically refreshed and happy looking as they were at the beginning of the event. There is nothing wrong with the picture above, but I'm telling you they look better than this. Charlotte had mentioned earlier how much younger they looked in person, and it's so, so true! They look great and younger! They beam with happiness and gratitude for their happy and content lives. They glow with love for each other. That's what first attracted me to them so many years ago. As I gushed and told them we wanted a big family and now have seven kids they were super happy for us. I totally thought they probably hear that all the time and would be like 'oh yes that's so nice dear now run along'. But it wasn't like that at all, they were interested in our kids and us! I thanked them for being an inspiration to us and that having lots of kids was something we already wanted to do but were afraid to plunge into. I said, "People think you are crazy when you have a lot of kids." Jim Bob laughed, "Well it is a little crazy." :) I laughed back, "Okay, it's actually a lot crazy, but so wonderful! They said they had to get a picture with our family which really made me happy. I wasn't going to ask but they jumped right up and joined our kids in line for a picture. I was so happy they wanted too! 

 As I introduced Ricky to both of them Jim Bob shook hands with Ricky and quipped, "There's the good guy." I can totally see Jim Bob in politics (as he has been) he's very personable and very charismatic. Jim Bob took the time to ask how old Everett was as he slept in the Ergo even though Everett had his face hidden. Michelle commented on my Ergo baby carrier. (Moms bond over Ergos!)  She said, "Aren't Ergos the best carriers, we have a few of those."

 Nicest people I've ever met. They had met hundreds of people over the past 4-5 hours and they were that nice to us. I feel like they actually looked at the people they talked to and met.

 I don't care that they believe in somethings I do and somethings I don't. I don't care they are "extreme." I'm fascinated by them and always have been. We didn't have a big family because Jim Bob & Michelle did, but it has sure made me feel better about it at times. Made me feel less alone I guess. When they look at each other I see how Ricky and I look at each other. When I hear them talk about children it's how we feel about our children. It was wonderful meeting such wonderful happy people. I'm amazed they have so many children and I'm inspired by them in various ways.

 Sometime in late 2004 or early 2005, before people knew who they were,  I caught a TLC documentary on TV called 14 kids and pregnant again. Ricky and I had four kids and wanted another couple of kids at least. So this show was a must see for me. I thought four kids was busy...I couldn't wait to see how a household of 14 ran! This show was my first TV encounter with the Duggar family and it covered lots of things I wanted to know:
Why do they only have one closet?
How much do they spend on groceries?
How much laundry do they do every day? And who does it?
How can they support such a large family?
How does each child feel about being a member of such a large family?
What do they do for fun?
Where does everybody sleep?
Do the kids ever get in fights?
How are conflicts settled?
How do you home school so many different ages?

 I recorded the show and watched it with Ricky and we found it interesting. It was the first time that I truly believed we could have more kids and be okay. Soon I heard about them on morning shows and in follow up shows on TLC. I remember telling my husband after we had Penelope, baby number five, that I had heard 'that family with the 14 kids are up to 16 kids now.' They soon became a household name in our own home. I enjoyed hearing about their new additions. I recorded their documentary style TLC shows to show our kids how their big family ran as I struggled to find our own groove and routine. As the laundry and chores at my house piled up I felt like if they could do it so could I. We were also new to homeschooling at that time. The Duggars were the first family with more than five children that I remember being exposed to. They inspired me and helped me see that we could do what we wanted to do, which was have more kids because it was what we believed in and it was the path we felt truly lead to. Their birth control beliefs struck me as especially interesting because we hold our own unique and in some ways similar beliefs as well. It didn't matter to us that they are extreme in their lifestyle. They are who they are and I enjoy the pieces that I connect with, which is really what we should do with all people. Their love and commitment for their family, their beliefs, their home and each other was and still is full of familiar and happy inspiration for me. I feel like people think they need to be exactly like each other in order to respect, embrace or admire one another. The best thing I learned in my young adult years was that this notion is totally wrong and dangerous. The saddest thing I discovered is that people love to hate each other. It's all over in our society. When I really opened my eyes to it I saw it everywhere. We all expect our children not to bully each other but our society shows adult bullying and the berating of people all of the time. It's in the news, in our own lives, in celebrity news, on TV and movies. Hate because some one is too fat or thin, too ugly or too beautiful, too outspoken, gay, because of political or religious beliefs. Hate just because. Read the comments at the bottom of news stories and opinion pieces, the hate is thick. Hate is the default emotion of 'I don't agree.' The biggest change I made over the years was to make doubly sure I didn't hate on others for who they are and that I didn't teach hate to my children. I was already teaching that to my kids but I had to make sure I was living that way. I now try hard to find the good in people, because it's there.  When I started doing that I felt more free because of it. Learning how to do that in a society of bullying and self righteousness takes realization, acceptance, self discovery and at times effort.

In a world where we aren't rallying against abusers and rapists or rioting in the streets over hungry and abused children in our very OWN country, heck in our very own communities,  I hold a lot of sadness and disappointment in people who take the time to criticize the Duggar family.

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