Sick, The Quest for Some Family Time, Weaning Toddlers

I was sick forever. Ok, it was only a week, or nine days...give or take...but it was awful! Layla brought us influenza B home for Thanksgiving, so over the Thanksgiving holiday people started falling ill. The kids were pretty easy and straight forward; fevers, tired, achy...then I got it. I was the sickest of all. It was totally pitiful how sick I got. I slept for six hours a day, the kids watched six hours of TV a day. It was misery. Everyone got over it slowly, but I got over it even slower. I'm still totally recuperating but I'm much better now. I have some cold like symptoms and until last night I hadn't slept an entire night in two weeks. Usually we have our tree up by or on Thanksgiving, we finally got it up yesterday. We have been doing Christmas crafts and finally getting more into the holiday! Funny because we had actually started early last month, we had Christmas music playing as usual in November, but then everything got put on hold.

CRANKY MOM, FAMILY TIME

I feel really bad I've been SO bitchy to the kids. I really do. I've been: tired, cranky, demanding, impatient. It happens from time to time, but being sick has just made me even more miserable I'm sure. I wish I had the grace of Michelle Duggar. I would love that. I would love to treat my little people with more respect sometimes; I would never nag at my husband the way I nag at them. It's a reoccurring theme, and I need to re-read this post and I'll feel better and try harder and start over from a place of more patience. I'm always working at being a better calmer mother-person. Things have been very stressful lately, I need to remember that first. Second: things will get better. For months and MONTHS Ricky's been working a lot, which is totally understandable and needed right now, but it has made things more stressful. We are both tired, stressed and busy and while that doesn't reflect on our relationship with each other it does on the kids. I'm more stressed, he's not seeing them as much or playing with them as much. It's just hard. A lot of nights we just rush around trying to get them in bed so we can talk for 30 minutes and then either collapse on the couch together or in bed. I'm in bed a lot since I'm so sick. We recently have been trying to watch more TV in the evening with the kids. It's hard because there is not much we can watch together as a family since our society thinks family TV has to include non stop adult themes, teen dating and/or crude humor filled with stereotypes. But, we've found a few shows we like and with holiday movies and shows being in season it's much easier right now too. At least if we are tired we can still sit around together and be in each others company instead of rushing everyone off to separate rooms for quiet time or whatever. This craziness is just a phase though: things get better and worse, rinse and repeat, it's called life! I'm looking forward to us feeling better and playing more family games in the evenings again.

WEANING THE TODDLER (otherwise known as the baby)

Before any of the sickness started, right about the time Ricky started working a lot more hours on some special projects, Everett started getting really cranky and going through a "stage." It was what we called 'a REALLY HARD time that would pass.' That has now been compounded with weaning him. So he is EXTRA cranky and needy now, but things are improving with him! He is starting to understand more and the slow almost-child-led but mostly mama-led weaning is going well. It's so very hard for a child to make that transition. Weaning is forever, it's a huge milestone as well as a huge new development into being his own person. In addition we both have to learn an entirely new toolbox of mothering and soothing skills. It's not just about him not nursing anymore: it's him not getting extra calories, him no longer getting my antibodies that help him during colds and flu, him needing something new to do instead of nursing for a big owey or emotional breakdown, him needing a new way to fall back asleep at night, him needing a new coping strategy for teething, him needing to find something to do when he is bored...and the big one me and him HAVING to find away to get him to sleep for bedtime and naps to begin with. His life is changing big time; eventually he won't remember it, but it will be forever a part of him. Even though I'm SO, so ready for him to wean, it's still bittersweet. He's still my baby, he'll always be. We have some tears at night and nap time when I just *won't* nurse or when I nurse him and then tell him 'all done now.' (Because physically it's just NOT working for me, not because I'm trying to withhold from him through will-power, I'm actually at that point where it's just not working out and milk is drying up.) As we lie together and I try to soothe him it's getting easier every few days. He's getting older and more understanding (or at least accepting). He's doing great. Today he found ice cream cones in the cupboard and wanted ice cream. We are all out of ice cream. A couple months ago he would have cried and cried because emotionally he wouldn't have been able to accept not having ice cream in the house while having the cones in his hand. Today he got over it after looking in the freezer and accepted it for a simple reality. Growing up is AMAZING. Lots to learn about cause and effect and acceptance...

To be a nag

I really appreciate the comments that trickle in here. My apologies for not responding. I really am just busy, I always mean to respond to everyone that comments or emails me. I'm so busy in fact I've failed to even update our family photo with kiddo number six, Sebastian. And now we already await our 7th :)

I've cut out nearly all my Internet time to tend to my family and take care of my house and yard/garden. I miss blogging, I miss my website and I miss just being online! I could get a lot more done faster but Sebastian (21 months) wants to hang out with mommy A LOT an carting him around is tiring and sometimes impossible. It's ok; he gets lots of playtime on the floor with mommy which builds his little brain and teaches him a lot. When he's busy with the older kids I scamper to get something done. He LOVES his siblings. I also put him in a sling on my back, but that is getting heavy. He is a solid little boy.

I can't even seem to do things that are more important than just getting online. Like mailing cards to family, keeping in touch with people, helping others, volunteering, Etc. It's an amazing amount of work taking care of a large family.

The little kids are getting to be a challenge. They are busy, tear up everything, have many needs and keep me scrambling. Penelope (3) is always hungry, Sebastian (21 months) is always taking something apart and Layla (5) is always looking for something new to do.

The big kids seem to bicker so much. Sometimes I say they bicker non-stop, but that's not always true. They are good kids but they are a lot of work too. My main responsibility (besides homeschooling stuff) with them seems to be working on their communication with each other. They are so hard on each other, so picky and so fussy.

I tend to be a fussy mom. I want things in order and I expect a lot. I have been known to fuss and nag :(
I'm not rigid but I won't be walked on, I won't do EVERYTHING and I expect at least a couple hours of help a day from each kid. Help could be gardening, younger child helper, cooking, chores, yard word, Etc. Usually it's not a problem. I'm trying to be less fussy though... in case my fussiness has rubbed on them and they are now in return being fussy with each other. I'm no longer complaining about blueberries on the kitchen floor; I just ask it to be cleaned up. I'm trying not to complain that someone isn't doing xyz; instead I ask nicely. It seems to be helping my nagging, not sure if it will help the kids fussiness with each other. The verdict is still out on that. I think it will help. Parents bleed attitude onto their children. I need to nip this now! They will act how I act eventually. Besides I don't need to complain in my house! I have a family who is always willing to help. I just get tired of asking for help so I find myself tired and ranty about something and complain that no one is doing xyz. Well that's just the thing; I'm the leader. I'm the house manager. I'm the planner. I have to lead the house into being tidy and orderly because no one else will do it (nor do they want to!). And, no matter how sick of it I am I still have to 'go to work'. Doing my work doesn't just entail raising, homeschooling, cooking for, bathing and helping kids. It also includes figuring out how to keep the walls standing of my house when 9 people stampede through it. (the 9th person in our household isn't born yet, however. :)

Speaking of the 9th person, the 7th kiddo! We are so excited.

Anyhow a quote reminded me of something I should apply to household work. The quote is from Dave Ramsey: "Employees will tolerate a boss, but will follow a leader".

Now my kids aren't employees, but they do have jobs to do and responsibilities to uphold. For the greater good of themselves and of the household they have responsibility. I am the "boss" cause I am the one, whether I like it or not, that sets the rules, chores, homework, standards, Etc. for the household. My husband helps some too of course, but he is at work a lot..so the ins-and-outs of the household fall mostly on me. So I'm "boss." Now, how do I want to run with that position? With kids that tolerate me or kids that follow me?

Follow. And that is why I working on being a great leader as a mom.