Third Grade ... Summer Fades... we're back at this place again

Layla started 3rd grade.

I want her back. I don't want her to go away every day. She's nine and learning a lot about herself and others. She's full of wit and wonder, she's fabulously smart, and she's nearing that glorious stage where she's a young lady but also a kid. She likes jump-roping, play dough, Lalaloopsies, Legos, and dolls --just the way she should. She's playing Batman and Robin with her baby brother Everett (almost 3) right now. She dressed him in a skirt of hers and a hair bow and told him he was Batman. When I asked her why she dressed him like that she said, "Because he doesn't know any better." They are running and playing all over the house. It's great. Imagination is awesome.

All week we talked about how excited she was for school, but sad too because she'll miss me. She hardly ever tells me things like that. I just hug her and tell her I understand that feeling. I'm excited for her but I'll miss her too. Sometimes we have to do things we like and don't like, or that we are excited about but have mixed feelings about.

It's hard knowing we have so many things we'll be doing without her. We have a lot of homeschool fun planned this fall. 

This summer we played, laughed, and made new routines. We danced in the backyard; we sang songs in the car. We added a new baby to our family and got lost in the magic of a newborn and the wonder of life. Layla learned to change a diaper. I can’t fully explain it but just her smile makes me a better mom.

She graduated from little kid to big kid all in one expeditious summer.

We also had tiffs and squabbles, she'd roll her eyes and I'd say, "oh you did not just do that!" She had her birthday party taken away five times. Turns out it was an empty threat, but she was being so "bad" so "defiant" and she....*sarcastic gasp* rolled her eyes at us. The desire to have an "obedient" child didn't override a birthday party. We can find common ground, we can learn many lessons together, and we can all cool off and talk about things later. And we all did.

 In the thicket of various problems, bad attitudes, and complaining I'd ask myself if I was glad she was going back to school in August. I said no every time.

 And here we are the first day; smiles, giggles, tummy butterflies and all. The sisters say goodbye after a summer together, and pieces of my heart tried to hold it together. A stuffed brand new backpack is ready to endure nine months of being tossed around and carried back and forth. We waited for Mr. Dan to pull the bus up to our house (and hoped so much he'd be our bus driver again). Layla and Penelope laughed and giggled and wrestled like little girls while we waited. (Little girl wrestling = grabbing and hanging on each other, giggling and being goofy)

  I love when Layla tells me the things Mr. Dan says. He thinks we are funny... he finds it hilarious when Sebastian and Everett fight. One day they rolled out the front door in a pile screeching at each other as Layla got on the bus. Mr. Dan got the biggest kick out of it.

 So, the first day of 3^rd grade the bus pulled up and Everett jumped onto the fence wearing his batman costume, Sebastian waved manically and yelled bye to Layla over and over, Penelope and I shouted HAVE A GOOD DAY!! We made an enthusiastic ruckus at 8am. A man of few expressions, Mr. Dan waved at us and cracked a smile. And off they went. 

Homeschool Reflections ...how far we've come and where we are going

Layla has a snow day and so far today she's watched various educational shows from Nova Science, learned about Ireland, played an online game that helps you construct a model of the human body (with focus on the digestive system), and is creating an advertisement (for a real or made up product) with the other kids. Homeschool family win! We are education focused, wholesome, and family centered. Nothing changes that. I think you can have that dynamic with a public school family as well, it's just rare because focus is easily shifted to other things and school left up to the institution. Ultimately the environment the child is raised in makes a huge difference no matter what, but from a homeschool family’s point of view I'm thrilled our household dynamic never changed. This is a common wonder/concern in families that enroll homeschool kids into public school.

The other day Layla told me all kids should go to public school. I gently reminded her that if homeschool isn't for everyone then public school isn't for everyone either. I know she agrees but she was being defiant and stubborn and argued with me. I didn't take the bait and dropped the conversation.

Today homeschooling and public school came up again and I mentioned one of the reasons I asked her if she wanted to try public school was because she was so angry when she'd ask me to teach her something and five minutes into me helping her she would suddenly get angry for no reason and storm off. It was confusing and frustrating for me. This went on for not just months but years!
 She told me defiantly, "Well yeah ‘cause learning with math blocks is BORING!" I retorted, "Yeah and you've never used math blocks in public school have you?" 

There was SILENCE and Charlotte half smiled at me knowingly and quietly. We didn't say anymore, nothing needed to be said. Layla's RARELY silent and I rarely can get the last word in with that child! But she realized for a moment that some things, many things perhaps, aren't that different when you learn them at school or home; you still have to sit and learn some things and be patient. She obviously just prefers her school, and that's okay because we like this particular school and she is thriving.

The other day something else caught her attention. I was cooking dinner and talking to the children about having good character. We started discussing what it means to be a good role model, to do the right thing and to have good character. We talked about how the way we act shapes the entire world around us, what others think of us and how we feel about others and ourselves. Having good character is important. Layla excitedly piped up, "Oh at school we have a sign in the lunch room that says character is everything!!"
I knew this -and that's why I enjoy her school. They spend time focusing on developing respectful students, and we get reinforcement of values and manners that we have already been working on at home for years! Because of this Layla is even more perceptive to our rules and our family’s character. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I really love her school.  It’s won awards, the principal is amazing, the staff down to the bus drivers and cafeteria workers are all part of the schools mission statement /goal to teach safety respect and responsibility.  

We have an understanding though, 5th grade is the cut off. Our kids aren't going to public middle school/Jr. High and it's something we made clear before she was enrolled. The very idea of segregating children in a Lord of The Flies, popularity driven environment with dwindling adult supervision and dwindling parental involvement in a media obsessed and boyfriend/girlfriend/sex crazed society...as parents we simply draw the line. Her elementary school is fabulous, but it all ends here. No exceptions. We don't agree with the moral decline of our society -and we have a commitment to raise our own children in a respectful, supervised and wholesome environment. I know what *I* learned in middle school and what a lack of supervision and direction there is. I lived in an upper class suburban neighborhood and went to a brand new pristine school that was still tainted with a society that teaches ‘teens will be teens’ and use a condom for sex, instead of don’t have sex.  Like the majority of teens I knew I looked at my peers and the media for what was acceptable social behavior. Friends suddenly become your family, at least you feel that way for a while. Sadly, no one is immune to it, so I can't predict if our kids will get horribly sucked into that culture or not. Ultimately the bad influences won out for me and it set the stage for high school years that were terribly reckless, valueless and not at all school focused. It's the reason I'm an obsessively attentive mom. I'll never let that happen to my kids. I don’t believe in the society I stand in, I don’t trust others and I take responsibility for how my kids turn out (to a certain degree anyway…at some point nature and nurture do collide and they fully become their own human being). That saying "I've seen the village and I don't want it raising my child" applies here.

Layla and I have always had a weird relationship. She's very standoffish but warms up and I have to be careful in order for our relationship to grow. The only reason she's not a raging brat with a ton of problems is her stable life and family. Ricky and I are 100% sure of it. We also have no doubt that she is not only improving and growing but she is learning trust, patience and acceptance...slowly over time...since birth. It's almost like through her I have a glimpse of my own complicated and angry self at a young age. As a child I was fraught with emotional problems and anger that was difficult to pinpoint and it haunted me from 8 until 18. I told Ricky I would not let that happen to her, and so we carefully supervise and nurture her. We give her space when needed and surround her with siblings/family and proper morals. We limit her exposure to all media (just like the rest of our kids). She seems to thrive and grow instead of get worse. Thank you, God.

Since I'm writing and reflecting about school life and kids I must write about how proud I am of our teenagers Charlotte, Sage and Ethan. I want to reflect on how far we’ve come with homeschooling/ child-led learning!  I'm really proud of how proactive they are of their education. They spend so much independent time on school work and I don't do very much in the way of planning their day out for them anymore. They have texts, workbooks, and projects, suggestions from us, computer programs and internet sites. They have the 'tools' they just have to apply the time and desire to learn. And they do. We have long told them we are not responsible for their education beyond providing them the tools and support they need. From a young age we gave them simple ideas and suggestions about what success might mean to them. We painted a picture of what lazy and unmotivated is and we strongly discouraged that kind of behavior. We provided rules but also gave suggestions for keeping busy at home and limiting things like TV, video games and procrastination. We often say 'find something constructive or meaningful to do.' It can be anything but it needs to have a purpose. Another thing I say is “live with intent.” Move your body or your minds... take care of something. It can be housework, school work, reading, playing, exercising, art, crafts, playing games with siblings, building something, journaling, knitting, gardening, nature walk, write a letter, play with siblings…whatever! But we must keep our minds busy. We must keep our bodies moving. I use their dad as an example: he has to be at work all day long; we must use our time wisely as he does and show something for our day.

We always embraced child-led learning by leaving educational magazines and books strewn about the house. We always had nature guides and maps around the house as well as snake, bird, plant and spider identifying books. One year, many years ago, we did almost nothing but go on field trips and watch brainpop.com. I'm STILL amazed at all the stuff they learned from that site (and still learn), it is pure gold! I wanted our kids to value books and the library. I wanted them to know they could learn anything; and that we didn't have to teach them, they could teach themselves. I wanted them to love to learn and to never be bored by history. I wanted them to learn arithmetic, but to choose how much math they needed in their life. I used to be worried about what they knew or didn't know but after years of studying them and their habits I realized there is no one size fits all way to ensure kids learn 100% of everything. Some kids are voraciously academic (my husband) some kids struggle (me). Sage was a “very late” reader and still isn't a real strong reader, but neither are lots of other public school kids. Ethan and Charlotte need more spelling skills, but so do a lot of public schooled adults I know. We find our strengths and weaknesses and we hone both as needed. As parents we of course guide them towards the area that show weakness so they can improve and the things they are best at they naturally build upon. Charlotte is old enough now that she can see her own weaknesses and think through what she really wants to accomplish academically. She has taken it upon herself to learn many things this year without guidance. One focus she has is to improve her math skills and prepare for college in case she wants to go. She spends hours and hours on the Kahn Academy website.  It all seriously impresses me. We teach personal responsibility and self-sufficiency but I barely realized that when we told our kids their education was up to them it was actually the ultimate test and act of personal responsibility a person could have. They log their own subject and homeschool hours and they do very well at writing everything they do down.  I’m really proud of them. 

There are still times I’m concerned, there are still doubts, and I still get completely overwhelmed about what we are able to provide them or not provide them. That’s life though. I wish we could afford more things like piano lessons; and if we had less kids we could. That doesn’t mean our kids can’t work on playing piano on their own (Charlotte does!) and it certainly doesn’t ever mean we wish we had less kids.  Same goes for private school. We were well aware that by having a big family private/alternative school would not ever be an option. I mention Sage not being a strong reader. I’m sure he’d be labeled in public school as dyslexic but since labels tend to give people an excuse instead of encouragement I never wanted him to learn that excuse. I felt like it was enough to just know –on his part and ours- that he needs extra practice and time. And he does know he has an extra hard time and we try to present it as a challenge instead of a handicap. We are all good and bad at different things. I told him SO WHAT if he is homeschooling until he’s 20. So what? So what if he can’t “graduate” and he takes time to live at home while probably working a side job while working on more language arts or math or whatever….Public school wouldn’t have given him that option. Public school would have failed him until he quit or passed him with a diploma he didn’t deserve. (I knew illiterate people in high school, it was painful to watch them struggle and it was stunning to see them graduate barely able to read.) I don’t think he’ll be “schooling” that long. I think he makes huge strides and improvements and he’s gaining confidence, but the great thing about homeschool is learning at your own pace and directing your education and yourself.

 I had to let go of a tremendous amount of fear to homeschool the kids.  “What if we make them dumb!?” I’d ask my husband.

But when does self-doubt about life ever stop? It never will truly. It will control you if you let it. This is yet another thing I’ve recently talked over with the kids; we should not fear where we are in life. Life is a ‘choose your own adventure’ book and behind every adventure there are unknown challenges, lessons and rewards. Have faith my children, for it has served our family well.

School Starts for Layla

What a busy, crazy, lovely family filled summer. For a moment I think that I hardly remember it. And then I read my blog or look at pictures of my happy children. Where does the time go? 

Layla has changed so much since last January when she started public school. Gradually as she started going to class she started seeming happier and more fulfilled. By the time first grade let out in May Layla seemed much more at ease and even happier. Public school was a pretty smooth and effortless transition for her and hard but not unbearable for me. When summer arrived I was thrilled to 'have her back' in a way that I see some parents talk about and feel when they have their kids "back" and out of school for the summer. That's one thing I like about homeschooling, it's not a seasonal thing to have my kids at home, it's permanent. Last year it was fairly easy to have her start public school, because she started in January. I knew in roughly four months she would be home again. This time it's a wee bit different. She's in for the year. Her first full year of public school. So when that bus pulled up to our steps and I snapped this photo tears welled up in my eyes.

A few weeks ago she told me she was staying home this fall and was back to homeschooling. My heart swelled. We were having such a good time. She's a completely different kid. She's so at ease, so happy, so much more patient. I know over the years I've given her the love, time and patience she's needed to gain self confidence and work through her sensory issues and that makes me proud of the effort and trials we've both faced together.

Throughout this whole summer we haven't had one problem like we used to have: no anger, no bad outbursts, barely any tears, no unhappiness. She's been simply content and happy. (Bad moods are not long lasting when they do happen now, everyone has them sometimes of course!) Maybe this is how smooth things will be from now on, maybe not, but I'm delighted seeing her sunshine filled smile a lot more often. Her gratitude towards me is beaming, her humor is as witty and as sharp as ever, her radiant energy keeps all of us alert. She always has needed me and loved me, the difference now is she shows it in her actions. 

When she told me she was back to homeschooling this year I hugged her and let her know that I liked that idea a lot. (That's another thing, she hugs me more now, and we hold hands and take walks.) I didn't tell her yes or no to homeschooling this year. I knew she wasn't ready yet, but she's enjoying being home so much she didn't want it to end. I didn't either. Since the school is such a good school and it is good place for her right now I figured I should not expect her to really stay home. Not surprisingly a week later she wanted to go back to public school for "one more year." I told her that even though I want her home I know this school is the right thing for right now. She happily agreed. I was so happy for her mature decision and that she wanted to be with the family too. Choosing something that is right over something you just want is a very mature decision. I was always afraid her going to public school would somehow mess up or change our homeschooling family dynamic. (An idea that maybe only a homeschool parent would understand...?) I realized quickly you can't change the family dynamic when you have a strong family. 

It's still hard because even with most good schools there are things that make me uneasy. I'm sad for the little boys she talks about that don't hold still in class and lose recess because of it (kids NEED recess and it should not be used as punishment), it's disappointing kids are given sugar everyday multiple times a day in the lunch and/ or classroom, it's super disappointing to me there is only one recess a day, it's hard for me to understand boxed up standardized learning and her being away from home so much. But it's okay. The confidence she shows and the schedule she is given at school is what she wants. The independence and structure and book learning is what she likes. I'm not going to tell her that's bad, it's not. As long as she's happy and has good role models at school I'll support her. Even though I miss her. 

Yesterday morning five year old Penelope said she would "miss Mommy if she went to public school." Layla said, "I miss Mommy too, but it's just what I have to do." That was the first time she ever said she missed me, the last school year she always said she didn't miss us. :)

I always want to remember this transition in her life, how hard of a baby and toddler she was and what an extraordinarily young girl she has become. She's so thankful and responsible for things, people and her actions. She's so watchful and content. I'm so very proud of her, and our family. Go Layla!!!

Layla's Public School Update

Things that are not so great things:

• Public school feeds Layla an impossible amount of sweets. She drinks non organic milk everyday, she likes to eat school lunch. (I told her next year no more non organic milk and we need to pack lunch sometimes, she said o.k..)
• A teacher said she was fat in front of a classroom of children (I growl at that --she's a pretty lady and normal sized woman. I teach my kids that I'm NOT normal size. The obsession with super skinny is so heartbreaking.)
• Standardized testing came and went. Layla had no trouble, which is great. My heart went out to those kids that did though.
• Public school demands a lot of my kid's time, I miss her. She missed homeschool art today.
• Speaking of art; I don't know for sure yet, but it seems like art class is not very good at her school.
• Layla was scratched by a boy. Accounts of what actually happened are varried. I'm satisfied enough to know it wasn't a bully situation and Layla decided to let it go. I was mad as a wet hen though! (I've seen hens wet, they actually never look mad to me.)
• Layla wants to go to summer school. Most parents dream come true, right? Well I have other plans. It's a little tough because Layla seems to like school more than us, I take it with a grain of salt though. Layla's outwardly feelings are not always her real feelings.
• The look on Charlotte's face when she hears how great Layla's school is... she's really at a loss as to why it couldn't have been that way for her. Charlotte had a more negative time at a public school far away. Of course Charlotte's so glad it's good for Layla and we joke about it and laugh about the differences.
• It's the last seven days of school and for one day this week the younger grades watched the 5th graders field day. I think that's stupid. Layla said it was boring and she fell asleep on the grass. She could have gone to homeschool art with us!
• Movies/TV during school is not ever why I send my kid to school. I have to bite my tongue and refrain from writing a letter to the school every time this happens.

I delight in:

• Layla's school had school garden day. Bring tools, gloves and plants to help work and beautify the school with landscaping. What an absolutely lovely and soulful idea.
• The school has meaningful fundraisers for it's own parents/students. One was for a family where the mom has a debilitating disease. Another was for a family who lost everything in a fire. For one if you brought a dollar to donate you got to wear your hair crazy, another time if you donated a dollar you could wear a hat to school.
• Layla was invited and went to her first birthday party of a classmate. I met the mom and talked about setting up playdates for summer.
• Layla's school has field trips, movie nights, class parties, and lots of fun treats and mini birthday parties. Lots of parental involvement.
• Layla is the most observant and quirky-funny kid I know. She tells us wild tales and informative bios about kids, their families, their siblings, their parents, full names (including middle names). She knows everyone: older kids, younger kids, teachers, kids in other 1st grade classes. And she tells us tons of wacky funny stories about them.
• At the parent-teacher conference her teacher said Layla will be above grade level by the end of the year. Layla told me two teachers expressed that they want her in their class for second grade.
• Layla gets 100% on her spelling tests, is very proactive about studying, and remembers everything she needs for school always. Makes our job EASY. She doesn't like to practice her spelling words on paper. She does them orally! @#$! She is her dad's child for sure. School was always easy for him.
• The Principal of the school is a young, really nice, kind, father of young kids. Everyone seems to love him. I like him tons.
• Layla was in a good ol' fashioned school play.
• The school had a bring your pet to school day for teachers and kids 3rd grade and older. (Charlotte's like, 'you HAVE GOT to be kidding me what kind of school IS THIS!!!??') Layla's siblings and I laughed so hard when she told us her teacher's tiny dog pooped on her. (on Layla)
• Layla ALWAYS has some crazy story to tell about something or someone. It sounds like the most interesting school experience ever. She's always telling us why some kid is absent, cute things kids at school say. She tells us about the cranky-mean lunch lady and how her dog doesn't like kids either. LOL! Layla said the lunch lady's dog was going to bite her so Layla pushed it away and the lunch lady got mad. Layla thought it was funny.
• Layla tels me everything that goes down at school and talks so much it drives me bananas. It gives us time to bond though. I know all the dirt on what kids do, who gets in trouble, what the teachers say. It's hilarious.
• Field day was fabulous fun for her, she brought home 4 ribbons. (one first place, two second place, one fourth place)
• Today was test celebration day --celebrating standardized tests being over. They had ice cream, games, an entire day of fun, and even a bounce house. The Principal was dressed up as the St. L. Rams mascot and handed out the mascot photo and signed autographs. -Charlotte was speechless. lol.

No wonder this kid likes public school!!!!

Children/ babies with high needs & sensory issues...our little Layla-bug

I pulled my now 15 year old out of public school when she was eight because she was dreadfully unhappy; oddly seven years later Layla was dreadfully unhappy at home. She was restless, defiant, moody, and miserable. Since enrolling her in the school down the road she’s been excelling rapidly. Her teacher is impressed and has so many good things to say .Her dad and I are both surprised and not surprised at the same time. One of the biggest surprises for me was how quickly she has taken to spelling. She prefers to spell her spelling words out to us verbally. She’s thirsty to read the phonics books she brings home, books that I thought may be hard for her age and ability, but really she can read almost all the words without help. I knew that she was doing well at home already, but stubbonness and moodiness got in the way a lot!  Also, her desk at school is in an immaculate straight and tidy order. She likes the structure, she likes the work, she doesn’t mind sitting, she loves observing.

When she was at home she would ask to be taught all kinds of things, but once we started she quickly got mad at us. We still don’t really know why. I had her on the verge of telling time two years ago because she asked me to help her learn. Then one day she just would not listen. She is just a very moody and sensitive child. Layla has always been a high needs child. From the time she was about three months old: she cried, she was restless, she had to have routine, she wanted my long hair touching her face when she nursed. She had to have order and security. As an infant and toddler she acted as if something horrible had happened to her, but we were the only ones caring for her. She would only sleep at night with no naps, no resting, no breaks during the day. She screamed hysterically if she was taken away from me. A few times we tried to just let her cry and "get over" the separation from me. This would only last 5-10 minutes because the screams were uncontrollable; in a way that no child should ever be made to cry. She needed me. Her own dad couldn't hold her hardly at all until she was 18 months old. She got frustrated easily. I wouldn't describe her as an unhappy baby because she looked happy and was joyful a lot, but she was very, very picky and needy. If she was in my arms she smiled and laughed at her dad and siblings. She was and still is an avid observer.

As she got a bit older we could finally see some of the things that were upsetting her and making her scream: bumpy socks, most shoes, underwear, seams inside the armpits of shirts, certain types of ruffles on clothing (she called them curtains). Before two years old she could dress herself, and when she did she tore through her closet and drawers to the point where I had to eventually box most her things up because the ones she didn't like would just end up all over the floor in a mess. She would try everything on until it had the right color, texture, cut, and feel to it. It’s unbelievable to recall that at just two years old she would throw huge fits over the way her clothes felt. At three and four years old she would collapse into a puddle of angry sobs several times a week. She had/has sensory problems. She has not outgrown this problem completely, but she has made so much improvement. She’s able to cope with it most of the time and her problems with clothes seem at a more manageable level. Starting school concerned me, but so far she is getting ready in the morning great and has only had two minor getting dressed issues since she started. One morning she freaked out because she missed the bus. She refused to go to school. She won't admit it, but I know it messed with her routine. Ricky and I helped her through it even though she was very mad with us and we took her to school. She went in the car unwillingly (Ricky carried her), but she walked into school willingly once we got there.

As the clothing issues got a little better her tantrums over other things got worse. Things embarrass her, but you never, ever know what. If she wants our help sometimes she will get mad and storm off frustrated and cry. She had and still has a very hard time with problem solving her feelings. Like anything though with the negatives also come positives. Although she hates problem solving her own emotions, she’s fantastic at problem solving in an academic way. She’s also extremely attentive and helpful to her siblings. When she’s happy she’s a funny ball of energy and delight we love to be around.

She’s always been hardest on me. She’s left me feeling so very hurt and abused at times. She made me cry when she turned four because she refused to look at the darling cake I made for her. If something catches her the wrong way it will ruin her for at least an hour. She loves routine. I can’t imagine what this child would be like if something bad had ever happened to her. If she had been: mistreated, abused, in a home that was anything but stable and loving, or If she had been made to cry uncontrollably until she passed out from exhaustion as a baby.

Dear Layla,
I hope we can help you through your toughest times while you are young. We have many more years to help you learn self control and how to cope with the unexpected. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come. Some kids are born blank slates and some are born with high expectations. Keep reaching high because no one gets far on low expectations.

Thank you for the school papers you bring home; your drawings, your journals, your sentence papers. They are almost all about ME. I haven't pointed them out to you, but I've noticed. Over the past 7 years your anger is sometimes  directed to me and it hurts me, even though I know I'm your safe person. These papers you bring home heal me and remind me during tough times that you love me.
Love,
Mom

Recent papers:
I Love my mother.
The moon glows at night.
I love you.

just a picture i love

My ball is in a big meadow, perhaps I will get it back.
I heard my mom in the meadow. She was getting my ball.
Then we saw a dog doing funny stuff...

free spirit

My mom is fun. She does fun stuff with me. I like that my mom takes me places. I like when my mom buys me puppies and kitties. I love my mom.

Making time to do a few things, photos and a moment to reflect on being a good role model

Yesterday was a fantastic day, even if I had to get up an hour earlier than usual (little kids were up) and I had a headache for half the day. Everett was a handful and I didn't think I could keep my eyes open several times. I tried to nap with him but he just nursed and then took off. What a milk thief. We are on a great schedule again though and it feels amazing! The older kids are working hard on their work everyday and are enjoying it!


The last time I wrote I mentioned a few things that I hadn't been able to do. I'm glad to say yesterday I made two pies with the kids and tonight I got the sewing machine running and made a couple small things.

After a good day of school work yesterday (but an insane crazy, busy, crying, wild Everett!) the kids helped me in the kitchen for hours in the afternoon. We made a big roasted chicken and mashed taters and gravy dinner. We also made a cherry raspberry and lemon meringue pie.

I made a playland for Everett by shoving an ironing board between two beds.

He runs, climbs and crawls for an hour on this thing.

Sage rolling out pie crust

Getting pies ready, that pie zipper bag, to roll perfectly round pie crusts out, is my favorite thing EVER!!!

Everett painting

Our decoupaged kitchen table and pies

Thursday was Layla's 7th day of school. She came home with a 100% on her spelling test. We didn't feel like she was given enough time to study but we worked with her and she pulled through. I texted Ricky a picture of her test and he replied back: holy shit! I told him that with his analytical brain and my stubbornness and attitude (and sassy charm ;) that kid has places to go. He said he always knew she was super smart, we just need to get her to use her power for good and not evil. He's been saying that since she was two! LOL! We are proud of her. She's doing so well. The sting of missing her wore off quickly last Wednesday and turned into me just wanting her home again, selfishly. But she's doing it and I'm truly glad for her. I'm still crazy shocked as to why anyone would want to sit at school all day, LOL. Because that's not me, I have to be moving around. But, if it's her thing then I'm glad and I am still nurturing and supporting her.

One day when Charlotte was four years old someone handed her a stick of celery. She ate every vegetable known to man except celery. It never occurred to me to buy it because I hated it. I bought lots of veggies that were just so-so to me, but I never bought celery because I'm repulsed by it. Even the smell is strong like black licorice to me! She ate it up. That was when I realized in order for children to experience life you have to be open to life. It's something we take to heart... "allowing" our children to explore life and form their own opinions without being told what they should think. Ricky and I don't express our deeply held beliefs aloud without following up with an explanation that they should learn all they can when they get older and then form their views with a open heart and mind.  I want my children to be who they are because that is who they are, not because somebody told them who to be. In our home we model strong morals and deep family values founded on commitment, love, and honesty. We model "Godly character" without shoving it down their throats, and you know what? They model it back. I don't think I have to scare my children into being good moral people with faith and values. I think that comes from within, and it develops over time with life experience and with good role models.

 I do scare them into cleaning their rooms, doing their chores and keeping the cat box clean though. LOL. ;) Haha. They'd tell you, that's all true...

Layla after school day 5, homeschool art & online time...

We had a really nice time at our homeschool playgroup today. We had to leave early to get home for Layla to get off the bus. We all thought it was strange not having Layla with us, she really would have enjoyed today. I was thankful that when she arrived home she didn't look as tired as yesterday evening.

She has a lot of homework. She has spelling and sight words to memorize by Thursday on top of some class work she didn't get done because in her words, "My teacher was too busy to help me so she said for you to help me at home." I kept my growling on the inside. So we had to do two phonics pages and had a small paper school book to read. With Charlotte this was a huge sore spot. In my opinion public schools don't have a good enough teacher to student ratio.  If you ask me kids should do school at school and not at home. In addition, I believe children should have homework very infrequently (besides reading) and I'm pretty much against spelling tests until 3rd grade or later (or when they want to sit for them). Wait! I'm pretty anti test in general (for many kids until older grades, every kid is different though of course). For these reasons and more we homeschool. But seriously, duh, if we liked the system: the homework, the hours, the tests, the sitting, our kids would all be in it. We don't, so they aren't. I asked her if she likes school, she still does. She has P.E. all week, she doesn't know why. I'm sure glad. Kids need to move around.

The first four days I was so glad she said she liked school. I'm already starting to get antsy for her to come home. I'd be much more relaxed if public schools didn't grade everything by tests and a standard. My kids are not standard. My kids are individuals. Boo standard. :(

Other things:

Art

When I signed Layla up for school last week the office ladies were super nice and even really nice about homeschooling. They inquired about what we did for music, art and P.E. I went into a several things we've done for music and P.E. over the years (homeschool band, recorder, piano, soccer, homeschool P.E., gymnastics, dance) but the conversation trailed into a different direction from there. I later realized I didn't touch on art. Art is very important in our house, VERY important! The kids do art everyday. We are also a super crafty family as well. Yesterday Charlotte, Sage and Ethan drew for three or more hours. I know at least the boys were working on the same picture the entire three hours! Ethan has been drawing for a very long time and using tons of tutorials online for years. He has read and done so many of them that he can recite some like an art teacher; I hadn't realized to what extent until yesterday. They boys sat next to each other and Ethan helped Sage step by step to draw a magnificent dragon. They first started with lines and circles, then connected them, then added detail, definition and then finally color. Sage used water color pencils to colorband paint his piece. I was stunned! Listening to Ethan explain everything was amazing! He really knew what he was talking about. Sage made a few alterations here and there to his picture (wanted his wings different) and Ethan supported him with kind remarks and encouragement. When Sage thought he had messed up on part of his picture I helped show him how to hide his mistake; he was so grateful and impressed. :) I cut out about half the stuff they were going to do for the day because they were just enjoying what they were doing so much. They were quiet, learning, engrossed, and happy.

Sebastian

Sebastian (3) just climbed over to Everett (1) rubbed his head and said, "Hi little cutey guy."

I just love that.

Online

I've gone 8 days without logging into facebook! I'm still feeling like facebook would be a distraction to me so I don't really have a lot of desire to log back on yet. I feel less *distracted. It's unfortunate because I do miss some things about it. :( I love the sense of community, keeping up with family, news updates, reading about things that both matter to me and don't matter to me, reading about friends, getting updates about sales, I miss wasting time, Etc. I just don't have the time. I don't know what I would have done having never watched the honey badger video on youtube, Antoine Dodson (I heart him), the only good Mighty Putty parody out there, Chuck Testa's commercial, or read the latest update from lamebook.com. (I just listed the most hilarious stupid guilty pleasures of my life.) And I can still see funny things, read emails, visit all the same websites...I'm just not ready to let the FB stream in my head again.

All I know is that each day ends with me not having time to sew, iron, paint, wash my hair or make pie. (All things I've wanted to do lately.) Everyday since Sunday I've told the kids, "We'll do science tomorrow." Everyday something has come up. I can't fit something into my life that I don't have time for. Not right now.  In eight days time I've been on the computer an average 1 hour per day. That's it. (Mostly blog related!)

Blogging is easy. Hardly anyone reads it and it feels good because I do it for me. Most importantly it's a keepsake I can save.

*What do I mean with my by "less distracted?" I mean more present with my family and my life. I feel like I'm not being pulled away to do or see other things anymore. I feel more focused. Facebook was like leaving the TV on all day and letting it filter in whatever it wanted to, accept worse. It served so many functions: humor, procrastination, socialization, news, education, shopping/sales updates. If I wanted to learn about my friends and family that was fun, but I'd get chatty and comment to everything. If I saw something funny I'd watch it. If I saw a good sale or product I liked I'd then spend time window shopping. I like the fast change. I change activities at home quickly, I'm an avid multitasker and I bore easily. If you watch me sometime, I don't sit still for long. I come from a long line of family members that are busy and piddle around the house constantly. It's what we do. The internet in general provides my brain with a constant stream of newness, facebook just put it all in one place.

Also, I wanted to be sympathetic to every persons stomach flu, ruined dinner plans, stressful day and sick dog. I commented or "liked" on every cute baby, good day, and fun outing. I liked the SOCIAL part. That's kinda the point of SOCIAL networking. It slowly just became too time consuming and distracting for me. So until I'm sure I can get on and off once a day without getting distracted I'm going to keep up with my break, it's so good for me!

Goodnight blogger land...

Public School Day 4, let's go

When I last wrote Layla had one of her classic meltdowns leaving her in a heap of anger and despair for seemingly no reason at all. She refused to attend her third day of school. I spent the morning trying to get her to go, she was really angry and wouldn't talk. Later she said it was triggered by her lunch. She gets like that about four times a week. You never know what will set her off, for how long, or what other anger helps it build up. The talk we had that morning I think helped her that day... eventually. This weekend when I thought about it I realized it's not as horrible as it could be. At least she rarely has back to back days when she's like that. The real challenge will be keeping her attendance up if she keeps going to public school for a substantial amount of time. I'm trying to explain to her she can't just stay home whenever she wants. It's not flexible like homeschool :(

We had a wonderful day Friday (after her bad mood went away) and I couldn't imagine her not being there for the school fun we at at home. It's really hard being open minded about her transition! I think she'll stay in public school for somewhere between 2 more days and 2 years. LOL. Like I've said previously, the ONLY way to approach Layla is one day at a time. 

The weekend was lovely. Layla was happy, kind, helpful and fun. Yesterday (Sunday) I took her to Target to buy some new school clothes and shoes. She has always had clothing problems so finding comfortable clothes and shoes is important to her well being. She's growing like a weed, when she started public school last week it was quickly evident she could use a few new things. We picked up lots of cute things and the first pair of tennis shoes she's had or liked in ages. That was such a relief because she hates nearly all shoes. We were alone --no baby even-- so we spent some nice time together and enjoyed an Icee and pretzel before we headed home. 

At home she tried on 15 combinations of outfit pieces in front of the mirror. It was darling. It feels so good to have clothes you like and that make you feel good!

She was all smiles and some seriousness this morning getting ready. I packed her bag up, didn't whisper a word about what was in her lunch and off she went. Watching her get on the bus is surreal. 

Her dad said, "Well now all we have to do is buy her new clothes every week and she'll go to school." haha. 

School at our house has been going really well. We have great momentum going. 

Everett is happily playing with a bird sound/identification handheld machine. He gets the biggest kick out of it. It's so cute. 

When I got home from the store with Layla he was chattering and squealing, MMMmmMAMAMAammmmamamamamaMAMA" It's SO freaking cute when they do that! I love being missed! 

Time to make the bed and grab some coffee and do school at our house.

I miss her... I love watching her get on and off the bus so confident and strong, but I miss her. I love to see her perfectly dressed and learning to tie her new shoes, but I miss her. I love to imagine she's enjoying school in a building with new people and new things to see, but I miss her. The other day I called her to the kitchen but she wasn't home... I miss her. 

UPDATE 10:20pm same day:

Layla's venture back at school went well. I felt bad she came home looking exhausted. I didn't expect her to want to go back when I saw the look on her face. It's a long day for her I'm sure. She's so used to drawing and playing for many hours of her day. She also wasn't very happy looking when she got home. I was worried at first. Once we gave her 10 minutes of space she started talking and settling in just fine. She brought home spelling words and sight words which she will be tested on this Thursday (no school this Friday). She played, had dinner and then got right to work.

Her dad and I quizzed her and helped her memorize some of her spelling and sight words. She is trying very hard. I'm stunned at what she's doing on her own --meaning how she is the one making the choice to go to public school. It's not like she's extremely social and loves being around people and school is a fantasy of hers. She's never mentioned going, she is quiet, she is an observer and she has never wanted to go anywhere without me (or another close family member). It's such a change! I'm amazed! But, she is an amazing girl.

I'm so tired...

Update: Layla's 5th day at school Jan 24, 2012

First homeschool outing without Layla today. Nothing big, but I still feel it.

She was happy this morning. It's STILL amazing seeing her get on the bus all by herself. Every morning I ask myself why she is doing this! lol. She's swimming with a big school of fish...and she doesn't say much but something has got to keep her going. I wonder if I'll ever know what it is.... :)

She is finally eating breakfast in the morning. She seems to be adapting to her new schedule. I enjoy getting up with her and just seeing her in the morning. Other kids are usually up too, but the focus is on her and we talk, get her stuff together, Etc. She is totally ready to go to bed each night at 8pm or so. Sometimes she says that it's time for bed all on her own.

Side note: Everett is making me crazy! And so is the barking dog. Everett was up late last night making me crazy. His sleep patterns have been off and crazy since we got back into town from Christmas. That trip ruined his schedule!

The first 3 days of Layla at public school...what a emotional ride. I can't believe I'm still standing.

Follow up to this post
We are now a homeschool and public school family...

DAY 1
Layla's first day of school I drove her, walked her in and we had breakfast together. She was calm, happy and very interested in everything. I noticed a TV in the lunch room and told myself to not pay attention to it being there, and on. I was really trying to be open minded. We enjoyed breakfast we brought, met the lunch ladies and went back to her class. At class they have a worksheet to do before actual school starts..this is the time when students arrive first thing or if they are coming from breakfast at school. I helped read Layla her directions (ABC order paper). A few students didn't seem to understand the ABC paper. When they asked the teacher she said you know ABC, look at the wall. I really like her, but I think a couple kids needed help, like right then. :/

Her teacher had Layla's desk all ready with crayons, folders, pencils and erasers. It was was very inviting. The students were chatting us up and were very friendly! Little kids were telling us what to do, giving us advice. (Big coats for outside and bring 50 cent pretzel money if you want one on Friday!) I was impressed by the sweet kids.

I left her and told her I'd return for lunch. When I showed up at lunch the class was already in the lunch room. (I thought about how not one teacher I had growing up ever sat in the cafeteria with the classroom and ate lunch. I think that would had been nice.)
I found Layla sitting with a couple girls. They had brought their lunches and as I sat down the girl sitting next to me said, "I told her you'd probably be here any minute." I thought that was incredibly sweet. I thanked her. Layla and I unpacked ham roll ups (cream cheese, lettuce, ham in rolled into a tortilla), juice and carrots. As we ate more children joined us. The table was about half boys and half girls. All of the first graders were nice, at least half of them chatted me up like little adults and had me in stitches! These kids were so well adjusted, polite, kind, friendly. I wish I could tell their parents. They told us stories about the year: fun things, pizza parties, pajama day, contests, they discussed who won various things, I learned of book fairs, and snacks at recess. Layla was reminded again about pretzel Friday. They had me laughing and smiling. Layla was quiet but engaged.

I chatted with Layla a bit and asked how recess was, she said they watched a movie.

A lunch lady we had not seen before started clearing tables, hushing kids and yelling at kids from afar. I leaned into Layla and told her I saw a mean lunch lady. Watch out for her, I joked. (No, seriously!)
I wondered why or how anyone who looked so cranky and talked so cranky would work with children. :( She was really looking nasty-mean at the children!

I'd be such a silly lunch lady...
"Quiet children or I'll release the crocodiles out into the lunch room, and you'll have no crocodile burgers for lunch tomorrow!"
"Hey stop throwing away food and eat what you take, or I'll put it in a doggie bag and tell your mother you're bringing home dinner tonight."
"Frog stew tomorrow!"
"Who is making all that noise? I'll have you rubbing my stinky feet after school."
"FOOD FIGHT!"

Ok kidding about the last one. But really, kids enjoy fun and silliness. It's not lost on them.

When our table was cleared we didn't get snarled at by the mean lady and we headed for line to wait to get taken back to class. While in line some lady stood waiting for the rest of the class to join us. The kids talked to me more. We were taken back to class and the kids told me and Layla that art was on Friday. They told us Layla needed shoes for P.E. A funny boy said he was not excited about dancing in P.E. This kid cracked me up, he was so cute and funny. He was really grown up for 1st grade lol. I could tell the lady taking us to class wished the kids would shut up. I was enjoying every minute of it. I suddenly remembered that I would have made a good elementary teacher ... or mom of seven. I was relieved to realize I was a mom of seven.

Once back at the classroom the lady who lead us there ordered the kids to sit NOW and draw, or finish up work. I told myself it was ok, just ignore her. Then she snapped for kids to get a book if they didn't have work. A dozen kids went to the book shelf including Layla. Instantly the lady said, "hurry!" and started counting, "1...2......3. Sit down."
She left the room. I was glad she left but then wondered why a classroom full of kids would be left alone after lunch. A student asked for my help to read him his homework. I helped him sound out words. Another student asked me to help him too. I helped him fill in the blanks with the right words. These two kids were really struggling with their papers. I enjoyed helping them and they seemed to really like me. I should be a teachers aide I thought. You know because I totally have time for that. ;)

I hate seeing kids struggle in school. I want to give them a lollipop and tell them to go outside and play. So far that's worked out okay at our house.

One boy said to me, "No more recesses, we are all done for the day." This was depressing to me. I was really proud of myself for being so open minded in this situation. I was really open to the idea that if Layla likes this then it's okay. I wasn't going to say one negative thing, I was going to put negative things in a file in my brain so I could record them on paper only.

I left Layla at school once her teacher was back in the room. I made sure Layla wanted to ride the bus home still an she did. The bus would drop her right off in front of our house.

Back at home we did our school and played catch up from the past two days being a whirlwind of crazy.

Once her bus arrival time was drawing near I bundled up and headed outside. Charlotte was excited and came out too. The other kids watched Everett and looked out the window. I saw the bus coming up our hill. Charlotte clutched her camera. We jumped up and down. We were so excited to watch Layla step off that bus! 

The bus came closer and closer and closer... it didn't stop. It went right by and it I felt like I was in a dream or a movie. I looked at the bus number. It was hers. I wanted to run after the bus, I told myself not to be crazy --she hadn't been kidnapped. Charlotte was in shock and said she thinks she saw Layla. My cell phone was in my pocket and I started dialing the school. Being after school time their phone was jammed. I called six times and couldn't get through. I told Charlotte to go in and watch the baby and that I'd drive to the school. I jumped in the Excursion and there were no keys. Charlotte wasn't in the house yet, I kept a sense of humor, laughed and said, "I'm trying to drive the car with no keys!" I dialed the school again and this time I got somebody. They told me they would call transportation right then. So I paced in my driveway in the cold and assured myself I wasn't THAT worried, she'd get home. The worst thing that would happen would be she'd be taken back to school. I was just so worried she was scared, that would be the worst thing, if she was really scared. Then I remembered this was Layla I was talking about, she's super tough. The school got back with me and the bus driver said he didn't get a bus pass from her, wasn't told by transportation that he had a new stop, and that he'd be at our house in 15 minutes. When they arrived the driver was super nice and explained again he didn't know and she should have a bus pass and he guesses they didn't give her one. She was fine but quiet. Everyone was excited to see her, she said hello to everyone and everything was fine. She smiled about the bus thing and said she wasn't too worried just confused. I asked her if she'd ride it again or if she wants me to take her/pick her up. She said shed ride again. I was impressed.

She did her homework readily as I explained in the first installment of the going to public school tale (link above). She was excited for another day.

DAY 2
Layla woke up easily and got ready quickly. This would be the first time she rode the bus to school. Everything went off without a hitch and she bugged me for a half hour after she was ready, "Is it time yet? How about now? Now? When?" She was looking forward to her day. I walked her out and the bus stopped and off she went. I was so proud. Then I cried a little.

I didn't like this. Not one bit. I wanted her back. I told myself I'd rather have her happy at school than home and miserable. I folded clothes and thought about the weekend. I had a moment of realizing 'Oh yeah! I get weekends with her.'  It was a weird moment. Charlotte complained that she was gone too long during the day, I agreed.

Aunt Sharon and Grandma Wanda were coming over to visit and play. They helped us fold our huge sock bag of mismatched socks. They helped fold hot laundry that I churned it out. We talked, had root beer floats and waited for Layla. Aunt Sharon brought us dinner to bake! A pan of lasagna, a pan of eggplant Parmesan and french bread. -Yes, I'm totalllly spoiled, tell me something I don't know :)

When her bus arrival time was close we went outside. Sharon was now jumping up and down at the side of the road in excitement. I loved it. I loved that she was as excited as Charlotte and I were yesterday. Then I told her that's exactly how I was until the bus drove by!!! (I called her while I was waiting for the bus, and we laughed nervously about it, so she was on the phone during it all!)

The bus pulled up and out popped our little Layla. The bus driver shouted out, "I won't forget this stop!" It was funny. (She still had no bus pass...?)

We bombarded Layla with hugs and questions and she was interested by some questions and ignored others. She got out her folder and showed me work. She got right to work on her homework.

Learning more about her day I found out she couldn't go outside because she didn't finish some work. I grumbled a little disapproving growl but then caught myself and quieted down. Charlotte reacted too and I had to shoosh her. I covered it and asked Layla how she felt about it. She replied, "I didn't care, I figured it was too cold out anyway." I later told Charlotte that we can't let our opinions shape hers. We can't tell her staying in is bad and wrong, that needs to come from her. This is an extremely  SORE spot for me and Charlotte because being made to stay in from recess was one of 3 huge reasons Charlotte came home from public school and never went back. It crushed her spirit.

Everything was fine that evening. Ricky helped her with her homework and then I read everyone stories. She looked happy and slept peacefully.

DAY 3
Layla woke up, got dressed and sat waiting. She didn't want breakfast (she's like me, hard to eat so early). I gave her her lunch and told her what was in it. She didn't like something. I asked her what. She ran out of the room.

I knew right there, the day was over. OVER. This kind of thing happens at our house 4x a week. Layla flips out.

I asked her what I could make different. She wouldn't talk. She was so angry she couldn't see straight. Was this about lunch? Probably not. Was it triggered by lunch, it looked like it. She has sensory issues and emotional issues and has since she was 2-3 months old. She said she didn't want to go to school, I couldn't get out of her why. I told her she needed to tell me why. She wouldn't. I gave her 15 minutes to cool off, nothing changed. I cried and told her it breaks my heart to see her like this, I told her I just want to help her. I told her I was angry when I was little too, and I didn't know why. I told her I could try and help her. Nothing. She was nothing but MAD. Usually if I can cry (and I rarely cry even when I'm sad) she is pulled out of this mood a little by sympathy for me. I texted Ricky about what was going on and he called me, which made me cry to him.

I pulled her outside and put her coat on her. I told her the bus was coming and she needed to tell me why she didn't want to go. I NEED a reason. I need to know WHY. She cried, hugged me and said, "I don't want to go Mommy!" If she calls me mommy she's scared, really sad, or in a super sweet mood. She sounded really sad. (Plus she was hugging me, she never does that when she's mad.) The bus came by and she ran inside. I waved the bus to pass us up.

Once inside it didn't take long for anger to come back. I noticed she had thrown her folder, her shoes and her lunch all over the living room. She had to unzip her backpack to get to the folder and lunch. She came out of the bathroom wearing her pajamas. She sulked on the couch in anger.

I made coffee. I did laundry. I tended to the other kids and we started our morning. Before it was time for school I asked her if she wanted me to drive her to school, it was a no. I periodically asked her if she wanted me to drive her to school.

I called the school and talked to the counselor explaining about her mood issues and sensory issues as a baby. I wanted to keep an open line of communication going and let the school know Layla may be fine one day and not the next and that I was going to do everything I could to get her back to class. The last thing I need is a school barking truancy down my neck, which I truly don't see as an issue. The lady was very attentive and kind. She seemed very perceptive and laughed and agreed at all the right times and when I was using flippant laughter. (Like about nature vs nurture and how did this happen when we did everything right.) The lady asked if I wanted to force Layla into school with help, and leave her there. I told her I wasn't against that idea when it seems right for the right type of child but Layla has never done well with that. I explained that I had left her at homeschool classes, and gym before with bad results. She said something like, 'then that will not work.' I was glad she trusted me about it. In the end she suggested we talk to our family Dr. in case they had recommendations for counselling. I thought it was cool she threw the ball back in my court after our discussion.

After a while Layla was mean to one of the little kids, I don't remember who, so I told her she can't be around us. I took her upstairs three times before she stayed there. After about a half hour I was on my bed with Everett watching Sebastian and Penelope do online school together. Layla came into my room and I convinced her to lay in bed with me and Everett. She was angry for a few minutes but then giggled at Everett's baby charm. (He often brings her out of a bad mood with baby cuteness). I told her it was snack time at school and almost recess. I asked her if I could take her now. Nope. I tried to talk to her about what was so upsetting and how she felt and why. She wasn't interested. She told me she wasn't going back to school.

 She started getting back to her normal self and didn't have anger anymore. I let a half hour go by and I tried having a heart to heart with her about her anger. I explained that when she was little (from 3 months to 4 years old) I could soothe her. She was sad and mad a lot, but she always had me. She nursed when she was a sad, hungry or lonely baby and she held my hair and rubbed it on her face. I told her how she loved my hair (I knew that she vividly remembers that). I told her we could never figure out why she would be so upset even back then. I said, "Sometimes bad things happen to kids and it hurts them and makes them sad and angry, but we could never figure out what was making you so mad and sad because you were with us all the time. No one was hurting you or being mean to you. You weren't in a home that had fighting or anger... So what we did was kept loving you, and kept helping you because it was what you needed even if we didn't understand why, and even though it was hard that you needed me ALL the time I still did it." I explained to her that when she was away from me she'd cry uncontrollably. She listened and looked me in the eyes. I told her that now she is bigger she doesn't have a way to deal with the bad feelings, anger and sadness she gets. I told her that for a long time she has been doing it all alone and it seems to make her feel lonely and even angrier. She listened more. I told her we just had to find a way that she could deal better, anything to help her feel safe while she feels this way. Tomorrow I'll talk to her again about it and see if it helped at all. Tomorrow we are also going to try and buy P.E. shoes.

The rest of the day was a perfect homeschool day. I couldn't have imagined it without her. Even if I was actually trying over and over throughout the day to get her back to school. :(

We had a lot of fun. We learned about robots, made tin can robots, did an assignment about robots, we had a robot parade in the house with our robots to the They Might Be Giants song, Robot Parade! (blog post about it will follow) While I made dinner Layla wanted to read to me. She read two books for her public school reading log.

It's the weekend. Rest, love, and peace to the house. 
We will deal with this how we've always been dealing...

one 
   day
      at 
        a
          time ... 

We are now a homeschool and public school family...

I’m waiting by the front window. I’m waiting for Layla to get off the bus from her first day of first grade. Yesterday I asked Layla to do her time4learning program for the 20th time in a week. She didn’t want to, again. She had begged and bothered me to start paying for that online school service again (she did it last year). I finally signed her up again. She did it for 3 days and quit. She said it was too easy and I told her she needed to move up a level then. She didn’t want to. When Layla gets it in her head that she doesn’t like something it sticks for a long while. She is very smart but very impatient and stubborn. Last year she asked me to teach her to tell time. She was really grasping it when suddenly one day she didn’t want to learn it anymore. She picked up books instead and taught herself to read. She did some phonics worksheets but not all the time, mostly she picked up books, asked for help when she got stuck on a word and taught herself to read. Recently she wanted to count money. We started on it a bit, talked about place value and within a couple days she thought the whole thing was dumb. She’s been unhappy, restless , moody, and angry for months. She flew into this world with very a particular set of rules and expectations, none of which she shared with us, we just have to guess them along the way.

She has always had tactile sensory issues. She can’t stand certain clothes, shoes and socks. Tags, seams, bumps, certain clothes and some car and/or booster seats can all send her into a frustrated rage. when she was 2 she'd try on everything she owned -by herself- and cry because nothing felt right. We were shocked. She’d scream as a small baby until I’d finally undress her (this helped sometimes, not always). She seemed to always be under or over stimulated. As a baby she slept a good 8 hours a night but only 10-20 minutes a day. Even as a 4 week old she only slept 10-20 minutes a day. To make things harder I was the only person who she’d have anything to do with until she was 18 months old. She loved her Daddy from a distance but he couldn't hold her after she was about 2 months old. It was a very hard time, I felt lucky she has an amazing Daddy who loves her and respected her without doubting her or me about her needs. To most people she would seem liked a “spoiled brat.” To me she was desperate for me, and when she didn’t have me she’d hyperventilate (seriously). It was confusing to me because everything in her life was perfect. Mommy at home, loving daddy, happy house, a safe, fun environment. We joked that children who have been abandoned fared better than she did! As a baby she became obsessed with my hair and had to hold it it in order to feel safe and secure, as if it were a blanket or stuffed animal. We had to go through a lot with her over the years and the only way we made it was taking it one day at a time. She is now usually: talkative, helpful, bright, witty, funny, and a fantastic sister and daughter. Those mood swings she has are killer though. It’s like a switch gets turned on and so does rage. We’ve researched middle child syndrome, we’ve tried to help her in case that was the problem because a general feeling of unhappiness has struck her this past year. Nothing seemed to work. I was once a very angry child who, when having an ‘on’ day, was also fun to be around. Watch out if it was an off day. The rage, sadness, confusion and anger just couldn’t be explained when I was a child either. It’s kind of like depression, many people don’t know why they have it or what to do about it -except this is just a cranky, horrible, bad feeling mood swing. I recognize her moods.

At the beginning of this school year I didn’t listen to a little voice in my head that told me she’d enjoy, even thrive, in a classroom environment. I didn’t listen to myself when I asked the question: What is best for Layla *right now*? The answer was: A good school that’s not at home. Ricky and I were very close to enrolling her but our own homeschool routine started back up early and Layla was doing well. She was learning, having fun and I couldn’t imagine her away from our homeschool family dynamic. I’ve had a terrible time in the past with Sage. We got through his insecurities, difficulty learning, his lack of drive, his laziness, his developmental delays (according to public school standards, us homeschoolers just call “delays” learning at your own pace). I figured Layla was just another tough cookie and we’d get through it. I’d let her unschool her way to success. The problem with this plan was she became more and more unhappy at home. I tried one on one time, I tried special outings and days just with her, I tried leaving her alone, I tried more structure, then less structure. Nothing seemed to click with her. Recently with her building boredom and flip flop of wanting school work and then practically throwing it in my face I knew we needed a change. When I sat with her yesterday morning with a heap of base 10 blocks talking about place value she seemed interested, for 30 seconds. She suddenly whined and stormed off with an angry tone. I told her I’d call the public school if she wanted and she could go there. It wasn’t a threat, it was an offer. An offer she gobbled up. I asked if she was sure. She said she was. Before I knew it I was on the phone with the assistant principal of the small town school a mile away. A few hours later we were filling out paperwork, meeting her teacher and seeing her classroom. Layla was happy, excited and ready for this adventure. At home her brothers and sisters were excited for her, too. I knew going in that this school is supposed to be a very good school. What I saw when we visited was outstanding. (I have a few gripes, but what I like is outweighing them for now.) Her teacher is kind and understanding. She seemed ready for the challenge of a mid year self taught reader and homeschooled (primarily unschooled) student. I took Layla this morning for her first day and had breakfast with her and then showed back up for lunch with her too. These are the highlights:

• The school welcomes parents for visits. The cafeteria has a sign in the food line that says “Welcome Parents.” I love.
• All the main lunch ladies said hi to her and told her to ask if she needs help.
• I’m allowed to visit anytime. A huge change from Charlotte’s time spent at a public school years ago.
• The kids could talk during lunch -again different from Charlotte’s time in the pen. lol. :)
• The children were polite, friendly and helpful
• Parents are encouraged to have breakfast / lunch with their children
• Children at Layla’s table talked about their parents having lunch with them from time to time.
• I saw a mission statement sign from the school district that said children should receive individualized instruction, among other things. That’s the item that stood out to me.
• The school has an emphasis on respect and manners.
• Children were eager to help and told me Layla needs to bring pretzel money for pretzel Friday - fifty cents.
• At lunch the kids at her table were kind and told me all the fun things they have done so far this year. Pizza parties, donut tied to a string eating contest, movie nights, earning reading rewards, Etc. They all sounded happy.
• A funny boy told me she needs tennis shoes for P.E. He said, “We’re doing dancing right now, I’m not excited about it at all.” It cracked me up.
• Her teacher told her if she doesn’t understand something or doesn’t get the review stuff they were doing today she could draw.
• The school reminded me of a charter school -in the way that it had a strong community feel, strong emphasis on parental involvement. Very small town feel.
• The school has won a very neat award. I don’t want to go into it because I try and keep my location online somewhat private.
• As far as schools go, I really like it.
• I love a small community school, the office ladies spoke of that too.
• The kids I talked to today I REALLY enjoyed. Many of them were hilarious. After lunch I helped a couple of them with reading their papers in class. (And now I want to be a parent helper --because I have time to help 16 other kids, right. LOL ;)

So will Layla tire of this? Will it end up being a mistake? Will she go again next year? When will she come back and be home taught again? What if she is never happy? How long until getting up for school is a “you have to right now” issue?

We have to handle this like we’ve always handled Layla...one day at a time. Right now she’s happy. My eyes flooded with tears when I left her at school today, I miss her. BUT nobody said this mommy thing was easy. It just goes to show I don’t have as thick of skin as I thought when it comes to her. (Over the years I’ve been preparing myself for Layla running away and join in the circus when she’s sixteen, or something).

What's wildly strange is that we took Charlotte out of public school because she was unhappy, and here we are all these years later putting Layla in public school because she seems unhappy. People are all so different. Which leads me to this thought; if public school isn't a fit for every kid then homeschooling isn't either.

Tomorrow I’ll write about her first and second day, riding the bus, and anything else that happens.
This will be so funny if she decides to quit next week. lol. (no not really!)

A few more things:

I adore that she wants to ride the bus. Sure, it makes my life easier, but it's also SO typical of her to want to jump right in feet first and ride the bus. That’s the part I adore. Also, the bus picks her up and drops her off right at our house, perfect! Can you imagine her explaining to her friends on the bus why a yard full of kids greet her everyday. Hahaha.

I enjoyed hearing her get home today and say hi to everyone.

I'm actually completely shell shocked by all of this. It happened SO fast. It's like a dream and it's really weird. I've been extremely busy running back and forth to her school (only a mile away), holding down the household here, homeschooling, and trying to overcome a lot of chores this week. I'm not sure any of this has sunk in and I might have a mini emotional breakdown soon. (Not like a bad one lol, I'm just in a whirlwind of crazy busy overwhelm right now and I feel so exhausted. )

I told the kids I was thinking about putting Sebastian in half day preschool two days a week because he is making me crazy (we are having a hard time getting school work done with him around right now) and Sage quips "Geez mom you're just shipping everybody off aren't you?" It was hilarious.

The whole thing about place value that I wrote about above? Where I tried to teach her yesterday with base 10 blocks and she thought it was dumb. That is THE thing that set off a chain reaction of her going to public school. Well, she brought home a worksheet from today doing the exact same thing. She did the paper front and back and liked it. It sure helped me feel better this is right for now. She also read 3 books tonight for her reading log. My baby-girl's going to school...wow.