It's Ethan's Birthday

Ethan is 14 today!

Ethan is a quiet, happy kid who is sensitive and thoughtful…so very thoughtful. Ethan is kind and willing to lend a hand. He's sometimes absent minded when it comes to chores or 'the order of things' but he isn't easily sidetracked once he gets going. I've learned to think his absent mindedness is cute. One thing that's hard when you are a parent is realizing these kids won't always be the people they are right now. They'll grow, they'll change...they'll bloom into new people. So when Ethan does silly things like takes the trash bag from the kitchen out all the way to the curb because that's where the cans are, but doesn't bring the trash cans up even though the garbage man has clearly already been here, I try not to point out his flaw. I simply, later on, ask him to bring the trash cans up now -which is his normal routine and job anyway. He usually realizes on his own (’Duh, I should have done that earlier!'). I've learned getting frustrated at kids doesn't make them learn. Repetition and/or maturity help them to learn, nagging and complaining can turn into belittling and harm them socially and emotionally. I get the same result as if I nag or complain as if I just ignore the mistakes and just ask nonchalantly about it later. Thank you God for letting me learn this before my first set of teenagers are grown. I want to be a patient mom. There have been times that I nagged them all to near death -no more though.

So, Ethan is 14 and we went out to lunch for his birthday. We had a great time and I asked him what he knows in his 14 years and he said, "That I like turtles." And Sage replied, "Turtles are cool, they take their house with them."

I want Ethan to know he's a sweet and sensitive kid who is kind. I want him to know that I see that he tries really hard and I see it in everything he does. Ethan is so kind that he holds anger or upsets inside of him as long as he can until he's so upset he explodes into tears. I tell him he should try to not do that. He should speak his mind and not let himself get to the boil over point. I hope I'm able to help him with that. We don't want anyone taking advantage of him, and he will let people. As parents we have to teach him this about himself so that he can learn and watch out for it, especially as an adult.

He likes reading and drawing and he's an amazing independent worker. He gets his school work done eagerly. I love his writing! I ask the kids to keep journals and his is always a joy to read. He's got a great imagination and his writing keeps getting better and better, I wonder if he'd ever like to be a writer...

Ethan can do flips on the trampoline, which impresses me. He goes to bed early and wakes up early. He self regulates well, accept for the not speaking his mind part. He likes TV and video games but plays and then moves on to another thing. He loves science, dinosaurs, history, and animals. He loves our animals; he's attached to them in ways I often don't realize. If the dogs get out he worries about them, where I'm the one saying ...oh they'll come back the little jerks! Ethan and Sage chase down the dogs and bring ‘em on home. I appreciate it a lot.

Ethan is a hard worker; he's got his Dad and Grandpa in him for sure. Two amazing, hardworking, loyal, and wonderful men. Not unlike his Dad and Grandpa he'll sit back and watch others, smiling and laughing in enjoyment at his family. He's witty and fun and I love the looks he gives me when I'm being silly and weird. We have a lot of fun being weird at our house.

He gives to the kids and helps them a lot. He played for hours on the trampoline with Penelope (7), Sebastian (5) and Everett (3). He's still got that kid brain -the child-born ability to see the magic in everything and pretend for hours ...and play like a child. It's a blessing for him to be a homeschooler, he doesn't have to grow up. Not yet. Not too soon. He's a blessing to all of us.

I love you Ethan.

Summer Fun, KOV, Siblings, Ketchup, Doing Good

7/29/13
 The kids look forward to this week all year long. This is our third year at this very special VBS. It's a high energy, fast paced time of competition, biblical learning, field trips, team building, and fun. I had no idea what an experience it was until family night rolled around the first year. Family night is filled with energy, excitement, competition, dessert, prayer, an amazing slide show of the week, and a walk through (literally) of what they experienced camp that week. I realized quickly that this wasn't just a VBS. I couldn't believe how much activity and leadership could all be packed into a week. (So many activities: Bowling, sports, crafts, ropes course, water games, sponge wars, silliness, swimming, and a ton more!!) After their first week of camp in 2011 it was all they could talk about for a long time. They could not wait until the next year. Charlotte's been a teen leader since we started going, this is Sage and Ethan's first year of teen leadership, and this is Layla's second year as a camper. Besides fun focus is on being kind and helpful to others, to Do Good, and to put God first, others second, and yourself third. It's encouraged to have team spirit in the form of hair color spray, face paint, Etc., and for this you get extra points for your team. (Spirit points!) Charlotte painted her nails her team color in the car, I can’t believe I let her.

Our very first year I heard the dean saying “do good” to the children; I also saw him say it on Facebook and in camp letters, too. That is something we have been telling our kids for years; be kind and don’t just be good…do good! I liked him right away for that and other reasons.

Back to family night: I was stunned at the excitement and fun! The chants, songs, and cheers that came from all the kids were instrumental in team building. For two years in a row our kids' voices were hoarse after day two, nearly gone at day four and seriously gone by the end of family night. Screaming, cheering and showing enthusiasm is part of the whole experience! Even the kids that are reserved at first seem to warm up to the idea that this is a time to really let loose and be part of something good. The kids really feel part of something bigger than themselves, and why wouldn't they with the faith and character building exercises they get to be a part of. 

From the very beginning I was absolutely thrilled that all ages were mixed together on teams. This was a welcome surprise. The big kids help the little kids and the teen leaders are instrumental in creating balance, enthusiasm and fun.

Our home life works the same way...we help each other. There is no choice, it's just the way it is. It's expected, it's healthy, and it’s natural. 

Habitually segregating children by age is a huge pet peeve of mine (and is of many homeschooling families). We have so much to learn from each other. In a society where children are constantly pushed aside and treated as inconveniences, it's super important to teach kids of all ages how to interact with people younger than them. I can't tell you how often I see other siblings treating each other horribly; hitting each other, telling each other to shut up, refusing to help one another. I think it's a real problem and I think it's very sad. I've recently seen it in a public school setting, the park, and the grocery store. I saw a 12 year old boy literally shove his little six year old sister in the grocery store. I saw a 10 year old boy scare his little six year old brother in the grocery store by purposefully hiding so the six year old would think he was lost. It's gross. Kids and teens need adult supervision, guidance, role models (in the community and at home), and they need to understand how respect works.

That first year, after driving the kids for a week back and forth to the church, I hadn't expected a family night event to close out the week. It wasn't a convenient night for us so I told the kids I wasn't sure if we were going. They explained to me that it was super important they go and that the winning team was going to be announced. Clearly we couldn't miss that. So off we went with their exhausted and reluctant dad who had worked late all week, and I with a baby and toddler glued to me. We found ourselves in a packed church with hundreds of kids who lit the place up, all full of life and hearts full of love. They had bonded together and they were really, really having fun together, even with the adults.

Parents got to meet and interact with the amazing staff and leaders and we got a real sense of what an amazing positive experience our kids got to be a part of. 

On the way to the first day of the third year of camp this morning I looked at my four oldest kids in the car and they were beaming. Smiles ear to ear, chattering about the things they were looking forward to. Charlotte talked about campers from last year, a little girl named Charlotte was on her team last year and she hoped to see her again. The kids spoke of other kids, teen leaders, interns, staff, and the Dean; all of whom that made lasting impressions on them in different ways.

When I picked them all up they were happy and we talked about who was on what team. They asked me for face paint so I stopped at Wal-Mart and took everybody in…all  nine of us, what a sight to see. I held baby Beatrice (5 weeks old) and Charlotte pushed Sebastian (4) and Everett (2) in a cart. We picked out beads, hair spray and face paint in the colors that we needed. (orange, purple, blue) I remembered we needed dog food so we went to the pet section. Of course we had to stop and see the fish. Then I spotted some Betta fish and thought what a fun close to the day it would be if we got a fish. So we got a fish…and a fish bowl. Then Charlotte reminded me we needed to feed it (I laughed because I had not considered that). So she picked out food and treats for the fish. (Fish treats!?) We chattered rather loudly about what to name it as we also picked out fake plants for it to hide behind. It's a bright red fish so Layla liked the name fire. Charlotte suggested Roy. I announced that we can all call it different names like we have done with our cats in the past, "Since it doesn't answer to its name we can all name it something different if we want." Everyone agreed to that. Sebastian became less interested and ran away because he got upset; I wouldn't let him buy something with the 35 cents he was carrying around. I told him gently that this wasn't the dollar store and he took it really hard and was angry, so he ran away. Sage, Ethan, and Layla went after him four isles over and when I finally caught up he came willingly back to the fish isle but was still cranky.

People in the store probably thought we were NUTS. But it's the fun kind of nuts, at least we think so. Everett's face was covered in dirt and strawberries from the day. Sebastian had no shoes on. We looked wild, we were post KOV excitement, and we were probably a little louder than I remember. We checked out and I decided to take the kids to 5 Guys Burgers and Fries for dinner. Ricky and I wanted to take them there for a long time as a special outing. (It's a fat chunk of money to take everyone there!) While nursing the baby in the parking lot and trying to write down everyone's order on a piece of paper somebody let Everett out of his car seat and he climbed on the van dash and laid down. Then he harassed me until I yelled that we were going to go home if he didn't stop being insane. Under my breath I said, "I have lost control. I am defeated." Somehow I finally felt brave enough to get everyone out of the van and we went in. People stared. I guess they never saw a woman, 8 kids, and a betta fish walk into a restaurant before. My reinforcement (AKA the love of my life) showed up and the kids promptly greeted him and exclaimed, “WE GOT A FISH!” The fish sat in its plastic cup on our table while we ate outside in the beautiful 75 degree weather. The kiddos all said what I thought they would about 5 Guys ... best burger they've ever had!

The kids all named their Betta fish Ketchup as we inhaled hot, fresh french fries dipped in ketchup.

Okay so this is a body double pic, but I don't have time to take a picture of the real Ketchup right now and this post is better with a picture of a fish!

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7/30/13 and 7/31/13

This morning on the way to camp we had an uproarious time of songs, silliness, jokes and laughter. Layla said the car ride is more fun than camp. I took that as a high compliment knowing what I was contending with. We make up words (like blob-sticle-course ...don’t ask) and laugh at each other. I’m not sure what I said but Charlotte cracked up at something goofy I got wrong or said wrong. I told her I was going to crash if we kept laughing. I love that we all sing in the car together. Somehow, for some weird reason, we took turns fake sneezing how we think Micheal Jackson would sound like sneezing. I don't know how we think of this stuff. 
 We recently had a 20 minute conversation about mean people, people who bully, kids learning meanness from adults, celebrities being shamed and bullied, and also body shaming and fat shaming in our society and how wrong it is. 

I just love our time together!

Homeschool Reflections ...how far we've come and where we are going

Layla has a snow day and so far today she's watched various educational shows from Nova Science, learned about Ireland, played an online game that helps you construct a model of the human body (with focus on the digestive system), and is creating an advertisement (for a real or made up product) with the other kids. Homeschool family win! We are education focused, wholesome, and family centered. Nothing changes that. I think you can have that dynamic with a public school family as well, it's just rare because focus is easily shifted to other things and school left up to the institution. Ultimately the environment the child is raised in makes a huge difference no matter what, but from a homeschool family’s point of view I'm thrilled our household dynamic never changed. This is a common wonder/concern in families that enroll homeschool kids into public school.

The other day Layla told me all kids should go to public school. I gently reminded her that if homeschool isn't for everyone then public school isn't for everyone either. I know she agrees but she was being defiant and stubborn and argued with me. I didn't take the bait and dropped the conversation.

Today homeschooling and public school came up again and I mentioned one of the reasons I asked her if she wanted to try public school was because she was so angry when she'd ask me to teach her something and five minutes into me helping her she would suddenly get angry for no reason and storm off. It was confusing and frustrating for me. This went on for not just months but years!
 She told me defiantly, "Well yeah ‘cause learning with math blocks is BORING!" I retorted, "Yeah and you've never used math blocks in public school have you?" 

There was SILENCE and Charlotte half smiled at me knowingly and quietly. We didn't say anymore, nothing needed to be said. Layla's RARELY silent and I rarely can get the last word in with that child! But she realized for a moment that some things, many things perhaps, aren't that different when you learn them at school or home; you still have to sit and learn some things and be patient. She obviously just prefers her school, and that's okay because we like this particular school and she is thriving.

The other day something else caught her attention. I was cooking dinner and talking to the children about having good character. We started discussing what it means to be a good role model, to do the right thing and to have good character. We talked about how the way we act shapes the entire world around us, what others think of us and how we feel about others and ourselves. Having good character is important. Layla excitedly piped up, "Oh at school we have a sign in the lunch room that says character is everything!!"
I knew this -and that's why I enjoy her school. They spend time focusing on developing respectful students, and we get reinforcement of values and manners that we have already been working on at home for years! Because of this Layla is even more perceptive to our rules and our family’s character. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I really love her school.  It’s won awards, the principal is amazing, the staff down to the bus drivers and cafeteria workers are all part of the schools mission statement /goal to teach safety respect and responsibility.  

We have an understanding though, 5th grade is the cut off. Our kids aren't going to public middle school/Jr. High and it's something we made clear before she was enrolled. The very idea of segregating children in a Lord of The Flies, popularity driven environment with dwindling adult supervision and dwindling parental involvement in a media obsessed and boyfriend/girlfriend/sex crazed society...as parents we simply draw the line. Her elementary school is fabulous, but it all ends here. No exceptions. We don't agree with the moral decline of our society -and we have a commitment to raise our own children in a respectful, supervised and wholesome environment. I know what *I* learned in middle school and what a lack of supervision and direction there is. I lived in an upper class suburban neighborhood and went to a brand new pristine school that was still tainted with a society that teaches ‘teens will be teens’ and use a condom for sex, instead of don’t have sex.  Like the majority of teens I knew I looked at my peers and the media for what was acceptable social behavior. Friends suddenly become your family, at least you feel that way for a while. Sadly, no one is immune to it, so I can't predict if our kids will get horribly sucked into that culture or not. Ultimately the bad influences won out for me and it set the stage for high school years that were terribly reckless, valueless and not at all school focused. It's the reason I'm an obsessively attentive mom. I'll never let that happen to my kids. I don’t believe in the society I stand in, I don’t trust others and I take responsibility for how my kids turn out (to a certain degree anyway…at some point nature and nurture do collide and they fully become their own human being). That saying "I've seen the village and I don't want it raising my child" applies here.

Layla and I have always had a weird relationship. She's very standoffish but warms up and I have to be careful in order for our relationship to grow. The only reason she's not a raging brat with a ton of problems is her stable life and family. Ricky and I are 100% sure of it. We also have no doubt that she is not only improving and growing but she is learning trust, patience and acceptance...slowly over time...since birth. It's almost like through her I have a glimpse of my own complicated and angry self at a young age. As a child I was fraught with emotional problems and anger that was difficult to pinpoint and it haunted me from 8 until 18. I told Ricky I would not let that happen to her, and so we carefully supervise and nurture her. We give her space when needed and surround her with siblings/family and proper morals. We limit her exposure to all media (just like the rest of our kids). She seems to thrive and grow instead of get worse. Thank you, God.

Since I'm writing and reflecting about school life and kids I must write about how proud I am of our teenagers Charlotte, Sage and Ethan. I want to reflect on how far we’ve come with homeschooling/ child-led learning!  I'm really proud of how proactive they are of their education. They spend so much independent time on school work and I don't do very much in the way of planning their day out for them anymore. They have texts, workbooks, and projects, suggestions from us, computer programs and internet sites. They have the 'tools' they just have to apply the time and desire to learn. And they do. We have long told them we are not responsible for their education beyond providing them the tools and support they need. From a young age we gave them simple ideas and suggestions about what success might mean to them. We painted a picture of what lazy and unmotivated is and we strongly discouraged that kind of behavior. We provided rules but also gave suggestions for keeping busy at home and limiting things like TV, video games and procrastination. We often say 'find something constructive or meaningful to do.' It can be anything but it needs to have a purpose. Another thing I say is “live with intent.” Move your body or your minds... take care of something. It can be housework, school work, reading, playing, exercising, art, crafts, playing games with siblings, building something, journaling, knitting, gardening, nature walk, write a letter, play with siblings…whatever! But we must keep our minds busy. We must keep our bodies moving. I use their dad as an example: he has to be at work all day long; we must use our time wisely as he does and show something for our day.

We always embraced child-led learning by leaving educational magazines and books strewn about the house. We always had nature guides and maps around the house as well as snake, bird, plant and spider identifying books. One year, many years ago, we did almost nothing but go on field trips and watch brainpop.com. I'm STILL amazed at all the stuff they learned from that site (and still learn), it is pure gold! I wanted our kids to value books and the library. I wanted them to know they could learn anything; and that we didn't have to teach them, they could teach themselves. I wanted them to love to learn and to never be bored by history. I wanted them to learn arithmetic, but to choose how much math they needed in their life. I used to be worried about what they knew or didn't know but after years of studying them and their habits I realized there is no one size fits all way to ensure kids learn 100% of everything. Some kids are voraciously academic (my husband) some kids struggle (me). Sage was a “very late” reader and still isn't a real strong reader, but neither are lots of other public school kids. Ethan and Charlotte need more spelling skills, but so do a lot of public schooled adults I know. We find our strengths and weaknesses and we hone both as needed. As parents we of course guide them towards the area that show weakness so they can improve and the things they are best at they naturally build upon. Charlotte is old enough now that she can see her own weaknesses and think through what she really wants to accomplish academically. She has taken it upon herself to learn many things this year without guidance. One focus she has is to improve her math skills and prepare for college in case she wants to go. She spends hours and hours on the Kahn Academy website.  It all seriously impresses me. We teach personal responsibility and self-sufficiency but I barely realized that when we told our kids their education was up to them it was actually the ultimate test and act of personal responsibility a person could have. They log their own subject and homeschool hours and they do very well at writing everything they do down.  I’m really proud of them. 

There are still times I’m concerned, there are still doubts, and I still get completely overwhelmed about what we are able to provide them or not provide them. That’s life though. I wish we could afford more things like piano lessons; and if we had less kids we could. That doesn’t mean our kids can’t work on playing piano on their own (Charlotte does!) and it certainly doesn’t ever mean we wish we had less kids.  Same goes for private school. We were well aware that by having a big family private/alternative school would not ever be an option. I mention Sage not being a strong reader. I’m sure he’d be labeled in public school as dyslexic but since labels tend to give people an excuse instead of encouragement I never wanted him to learn that excuse. I felt like it was enough to just know –on his part and ours- that he needs extra practice and time. And he does know he has an extra hard time and we try to present it as a challenge instead of a handicap. We are all good and bad at different things. I told him SO WHAT if he is homeschooling until he’s 20. So what? So what if he can’t “graduate” and he takes time to live at home while probably working a side job while working on more language arts or math or whatever….Public school wouldn’t have given him that option. Public school would have failed him until he quit or passed him with a diploma he didn’t deserve. (I knew illiterate people in high school, it was painful to watch them struggle and it was stunning to see them graduate barely able to read.) I don’t think he’ll be “schooling” that long. I think he makes huge strides and improvements and he’s gaining confidence, but the great thing about homeschool is learning at your own pace and directing your education and yourself.

 I had to let go of a tremendous amount of fear to homeschool the kids.  “What if we make them dumb!?” I’d ask my husband.

But when does self-doubt about life ever stop? It never will truly. It will control you if you let it. This is yet another thing I’ve recently talked over with the kids; we should not fear where we are in life. Life is a ‘choose your own adventure’ book and behind every adventure there are unknown challenges, lessons and rewards. Have faith my children, for it has served our family well.