Her Name is Madeline

Born at home October 28, 2015 at 11:31 pm 7 lbs 1 oz  18.5 inches long, Baby Madeline joined our family

Charlotte (19) drew me the above picture and I absolutely LOVE it with all my heart. It's so SWEET! It's our family drawn in the style of this page in the 1939 original story of Madeline:

Page from Ludwig Bemelman's book Madeline

It's not Madelyn, It's Madeline (Mad-ah-line). Like the little girl in the books.

Instantly I'm transformed into whoever I need to be for her. Late nights, early mornings, patting, rocking, swaying, humming, food on demand...a sore back.  I'll do anything for her. Anything at all. 

Ricky wanted the name Madeline at least three kids ago. I loved the name but shied away from it repeatedly because of the spelling and pronunciation confusion of Madelyn and Madeline. I never wanted to name a child something that would have to be corrected all of the time.

When Beatrice was born the kids and I pushed for the name Beatrice. We wanted our little "Baby Bee." It just fit her and the sunny June week she was born. I always liked the name Joy, because my children bring me so much Joy, but Ricky doesn't like it.  I loved the name Beatrice even more when I learned it meant bringer of joy and many blessings. That just fit so perfectly for how I feel about my children and motherhood. None of us can imagine her being anyone else. She is a vibrant free spirited, talkative, happy, joyful baby and child...with a gaggle of sunny / bee themed nicknames too. Ricky of course also loves Beatrice's name, but I clearly remember and will never forget Ricky saying that we could name her Beatrice but the next baby WILL BE Madeline. I even remember where he was standing outside and how he said it. I promised him Madeline. I could tell he was slightly disappointed that the kids wouldn't give up on Beatrice. I finally caved but couldn't talk Penelope into changing Beatrice's name to Madeline. She would have sobbed. And I'm so glad we kept Bea! It all worked out for the better. Beatrice fits our little Bea so wonderfully and Madeline SO fits our new baby! I really love saying it and it came to us all really naturally to call her Madeline. We however do not have a middle name yet. We have ideas but we need to see what feels right, and if something else jumps out to us. Even though we named this baby girl Madeline years ago we still tried out the name for over a week before announcing it officially. Beatrice called her Madeline for the first time a couple days ago and it was so precious. The trial period is over: we adore our baby Madeline.

Everett (5)  is still devoted to the name Blueberry. I told him that is fine. I asked Ricky about naming her Madeline Blueberry. He said no. Penelope and Aunt Sharon love it though. :)
Here's the funny conversation I had with Layla:
Layla (11): You can't name her middle name BLUEBERRY!
Me: Why not? Just imagine this sweet little girl with a basket in the woods or a meadow...she's picking wild flowers and her name is Madeline Blueberry...it's SO PRETTY.
Layla: Eh, that's not real life Mom.

Hahahaha

And for the record: I see our very own Penelope Juliet happily frolicking and picking tomatoes, strawberries, flowers, and plantain all summer long in her prairie dress and bonnet and she is just darling. So there. Real life. :)

Nicknames
Most of the time when we name our children something that's the name we want to use exclusively. The exception is Bea. We knew we would call her Bea and Beatrice. We were asked about Penny as a nickname for Penelope. It never crossed our mind. We named her Penelope. Penelope is called Nellie within our family but it's a casually used family nickname (given to her totally by Layla when Layla was three because she couldn't say Penelope very well). Near 99% of the time we all call her Penelope. To our surprise we were asked what Sebastian would go by when we named him. Well, he will go by Sebastian of course! The same happened with Charlotte. People asked if she would go by Charlie or Lottie. Um no. Charlotte is her name! We spend way too much time naming our babies to call them something other than what we actually name them. So no nicknames for Madeline, please.

We love her like this.

Penelope (9) and Beatrice (2) with baby Madeline (7 days)

We decided to stay in for Halloween ...and I love my family so much.

The kids trick or treated twice before Halloween so we introduced the idea of staying in on Halloween. It was drizzly out and we just had a baby. We told them we could have fun with carving pumpkins, some games, and a pizza/ice cream/movie party instead. Thankfully they were all fine with it. Still, we know how much they love trick or treating (we do too!), and of course the candy sorting and candy trading that goes with it. The kids have been trading and sorting their candy all week long from other Halloween events and Trunk or Treat. It keeps them so busy! Even though they were fine with staying in we still felt a little bummed about not actually taking them out. Ricky had a great idea though... he bought a bunch of Halloween candy (like oh my goodness a ton of it) and he surprised the kids with indoor trick or treating. We have a lot of family members around here and he armed everyone age eleven and over with candy for their bedroom or bathroom station. (Layla wanted to help hand out candy.)

The younger three kids got dressed up (Beatrice was asleep). When they knocked at the first "house"  Ricky opened the bathroom door and I about died laughing when I saw he had put on the kids' shark towel last minute to be dressed up. Then he asked the kids questions like he didn't know them. I fell in love with him all over again. I love that after a really crazy and busy three days of postpartum craziness he still made Halloween so uniquely special for all of us.

I love this man.

Then we went upstairs to trick or treat Layla's bathroom door. We had all the lights off upstairs and the kids called it Dark Street.

We started calling the various rooms neighbors. They all got scared at Charlotte's room when she played some creepy Halloween sound maker with the lights off. Sebastian (7) wasn't expecting the creepy noises and screamed and fell down flailing around like a goofball. It was hilarious.

Then Sage's room, I mean house, was next.

 Sage opened the door and asked the kids to tell him their joke. We all laughed so hard at this. (It is a St Louis tradition to ask kids to tell you a joke when they Trick or Treat to your house. We are not from St Louis and do not embrace this tradition at all. In fact we find it super annoying and time consuming, though we participate grudgingly when we have to .)

Then at Ethan's door he had sat out a pumpkin on his "porch." Super clever and cute. Their older siblings are the best for trying to make it so fun and memorable for the kids!

Ethan's room

The kids went around to the "houses" again and Ricky opens up this time like this:

 

I am seriously amused by all of this. 

And the candy trading and sorting fun begins...

Updatey Stuff...

Day 4 postpartum ~ Sunday Nov 1, 2015

The weather is beautiful and so good for the soul! I am so thankful it will be in the 70's this week. What a treat to have the kids be able to go out and for me to be able to get some fresh air. I cried three times since the baby was born and that's not like me. The house is a little loud (ya think?) and between our busy month, birthday parties, our anniversary, Ricky working 12-14 hour days, crazy amounts of errands/appointments, the holidays coming, and finally a new baby ... I have been zapped. I was able to take several naps the past few days and they have been super beneficial. Ricky has been busy and so great taking care of kids and me, grocery shopping, errand running, Etc. It's been a really hard time actually! We were not very ready for baby yet. We have all done great overall though. Beatrice is really settling in now and sleeping better. She doesn't mind me caring for her baby sister and she is fawning all over her. This is still such a new time! The broken up sleep the kids had the night of the birth really whacked things out around here.

Day 5 postpartum ~ Monday Nov 2, 2015

Things are better and *almost* feeling normal again.

Bea was having a hard time but is now doing amazing! She was just sleep deprived and also missing my baby-belly which she rubbed every night to fall asleep! I woke up to her this morning cuddling with me and the baby. She stroked the baby's head for a half hour. As I nursed the baby and fell in and out of sleep Bea jabbered on and on to her baby sister in our dark bedroom. It was very sweet! 

Everett is extra, extra spazy and wild and that is the current challenge. Still so thankful for nice weather this week. Ricky has been really busy taking care of everyone and helping his weepy wife. He has been a trooper and everything I need. I love him SO much! I'm feel so much better now that I am caught up on sleep, not sore, and Bea is doing better. I was so exhausted and emotional about her being exhausted and emotional. 

I am really looking forward to a nice November and December where we slow down a bit and focus on family time and fun school days! In hindsight I was way too busy in Sept. and Oct.! But at least we enjoyed the fall! Ricky had to go into work today but I am feeling brave and rested. I can't wait for him to take more days off though. Now I need to go write up a plan for the day and chore list. I have loads of help but I have to go assemble my troops.

Sisters Bonding

 

New Baby Number Nine!

 Our New Baby! 

October 28, 2015 11:21pm 7lbs 1oz

(Am I good at these gender prediction dreams or what!?)

 

Day 1 October 29, 2015
We have a small cold floating around the house (no fevers thank goodness). Ricky's every bit as exhausted as me but with a sinus headache. The timing is not ideal, but we are all still in love and enjoying her every moment. You never, ever get that first newborn day back! Everyone age 11 and under woke up last night at some point and saw the baby and couldn't get back to sleep. We were up and down all night with various kids and a newborn. The various reactions of the kids were amazing and great. I will write about that with the birth story. The new baby fussed a lot last night and seemed uncomfortable her first eight hours. She nursed okay but got the real hang of it during the day. It's always  a marvel that they know what to do, or at least what to try to do in order to latch on. She loved being skin to skin with both mom and dad; she didn't really settle down until we put her on our bare chests as we took turns with her. I had her partly skin to skin, but once I took the blanket off her completely she was much happier. After she was about eight hours old she was super cozy, happy, nursing and sleeping/ waking in perfect intervals, and calm. She likes to swaddle in a loose wrap but gets too warm easily and wants her hands near her chin and face most of the time. I knew her hands were by her face in the womb. I could feel them constantly and I kept feeling that her head was probably not in an optimal position either. Her labor and birth proved I was right, it was okay but certainly not super optimal/easy. I love learning about new babies! You know so much so quickly about them. Just a day old and I know so much about her preferences already. People are such unique individuals, and babies are people too!

I had a good nap during the day today and I have been good about not being on my feet for more than 30 min at a time. I am trying a 2-3 hr break for every 30 min that I get up and about. I have been sore, a bit more than usual, mostly in a crampy way. I have felt like a postpartum woman more this time around. All births and postpartum experiences are different! I feel a bit like a new mother this time. I find myself wondering how new moms do it. I have done this before, I know what to do, what is coming, what I can expect. So in those aspects it is easier. I am currently feeling aware and in awe at mothers in general... what we do and how we do it. Having a toddler and a newborn again is so life changing...but I've done it many, many times. I suddenly can't imagine being a new and less experienced mom and feeling this tired, this stretched to her limit, all while healing, and going through all the changes in general. So overlooked are the little things that can wear on you greatly: getting up during the night, changing the newborn, using the bathroom/ changing your pad, dealing with pain, cleaning up soiled blankets, sheets, pajamas, and all while juggling a waking toddler and nursing a newborn. It can be so exhausting. (Even with the help from my supportive husband.) New moms are so amazing. Nursing can be hard, juggling toddlers and other kids can be hard, the lack of sleep can be hard, the healing can be hard (c section moms are heroes). I'm finding myself in awe at women who embark on this brave and selfless journey. How ever do we do it? We are so amazing!

After writing the above I saved the draft for later and opened up an enchanting book of poetry my friend wrote called Earthprayer, Birthprayer, Lifeprayer, Womanprayer. So fittingly this was the first poem I randomly opened to:

Prayer for Mothers 

The world needs you.

Sing your strengths,

dance your passions,

smile your successes.

Hug yourself with compassion

for your painful moments.

Take a second to drink it up

and to rest in powerful certainty

that you are enough.

Breathe out,

breathe in,

soft shoulders,

soft belly,

strong legs,

strong woman.

A mother who is seen,

who is heard,

who is appreciated,

who is valued.

In and out.

Mama, you’re amazing

 

I gave my family my usual 'I just had a baby' postpartum talk last night. This is where I explain just how important rest and help is for a new mom and how it could make ALL the difference with healing and breastfeeding, not to mention a happy and stable mother and baby unit. I also explained the placental site that is healing in my body and why rest and relaxation aids in healing and less blood loss. (At least the over six or seven year old crowd listens to me. Toddlers and preschoolers still act themselves lol.) Also, this is a good lesson in mothering biology!

I found myself in frustration over Everett's wildness several times. (Newly 5 years old...he can be intense, wild, not listen... you know, be a young kid.) After pleading with him to listen to me I finally told him that I had a baby come out of my vagina so he has to be nice to me so I can heal. I should really have a recording of the bizarre and hilarious things I tell my children. People tell me my older kids are such nice kids/teens, but perhaps they just know and fear that I'll say blunt stuff to them if they aren't good. Like, "Be nice to me, I just had a baby come out of my vagina." Hahaha. It worked though. He asked me about the baby coming out and I talked to him about it. For a moment it did get his attention and work.

We are recovering from a very, very busy fall season, a cold, and childbirth... I am focused on keeping our first few days as calm as possible. Not easy to do right now. Later on in the evening Everett cried and had a 30 min bedtime meltdown. He was over exhausted. This week is not how I imagined it at all! I am reminded so well right now that life is what happens when you are busy making plans! I was crazy busy and then bam baby came. I actually started to feel I wasn't going to make it until 40 weeks on Tuesday. Then by Wednesday night I had Ricky come home from work around 5:30 (instead of working late) because I felt like I did when Bea was born in 30 minutes. (A heavy, low baby head and super low, tight cervical contractions that felt super progressive.) We got all the kids to bed by 7:30 and I held off active labor (I think by sheer will power to get the kids ASLEEP lol) until around then. Things really picked up once they were asleep and I had her at 11:21pm. I'll type up her whole official story soon.

We'll give out more baby details soon in general. We like to get to know our babies before we name them. I'm always afraid we will change our minds and then have to tell everyone we changed it. We don't file a birth certificate right away, so we have a looong while to decide. The earliest we filed a birth certificate is two months and the latest 10 months. 

First night with baby. He is actually falling asleep sitting up with the baby. We were so tired! Dads deserve credit and love too, care-giving for mom and kids is hard work too.

Day 2 Morning October 30th 2015
What a difference a day makes. Ricky is feeling better and I am too. I am getting around comfortably and despite another long night of newborn fussing and Bea going to bed too late I feel pretty good. I know I still need to take it easy, but it was nice to move around this morning without cramping or feeling so wrung out. Beatrice is having fun but she is adjusting too. She misses my round belly and even told me to get it back. I thought this was going to happen. When she is tired she wants her daddy to hold the baby and not me. And she wants me back with the baby belly she loved to snuggle against... it's an adjustment. She is enjoying the baby though and is super cute telling her that she loves her so much! We have never had a toddler miss me so much as I cared for such a new baby, and this is only day two! Beatrice is a very sweet girl with a larger than life personality and her and I are close. She also gets loads of attention and love from everyone in the house.  I know we'll all get through this quickly. We must learn new routines and that's hard for every single one of us. The giant toddler morph has also occurred. Every day this past couple months Bea truly looked bigger and bigger to me, but it's nothing like when the newborn actually arrives! Giant Bea is here... she is just so heavy and big now. Since she is super articulate, bright, and verbal for her age it makes her seem all the older!

This little new baby has a mighty, mighty, wailing, screeching cry. Beatrice never cried so this is different. We seriously never heard Bea cry hardly ever at all! She would whimper and then get her needs met and she never cried. This little one is a screamer if we are not careful! She settles down fairly easily though. I am in awe at how loud this baby can get in no time at all. This may make night time a real challenge to keep Beatrice asleep if her baby sissy is a screamer! Today we used a swaddle me blanket on the new baby and it really helped settle her after nothing else worked. Beatrice loved them when she was a baby. I really believe the first few days or weeks sets the tone for the baby, so Ricky and I are trying to keep all the calm in the house we can! One really, really hard thing is that the baby wants to be held up, not really laying down with me. So the whole 'rest with baby' thing is non existent. She doesn't want me resting with her. She wants me sitting upright or walking with her. Little stinker. I think once milk comes in fully she will relax a lot. I think that is what she is waiting for. She is nursing like a champ and for hours on each side at a time. I am staying hydrated and eating lots of good food.  

Just now said in cute curious voice tones between the 5 and 2 year old as Beatrice is holding the baby:
Everett: Is the baby two yet?
Beatrice: Not yet!

Oh! And speaking of Everett, he does call the baby Blueberry. It is totally the name he chose and he continues to stick with! It's really cute. I was in bed with her when he tried to get into bed with us at 4am. When he saw I was holding a baby his tired eyes adjusted in the shadowy bedroom and I could see his bright blue eyes light up like stars. He smiled so huge and exclaimed in a quiet, surprised voice, "Blueberry is here!? Oh blueberry you came out!"  I told him that she was a girl and he was really happy she was a girl.

So much love ...

Days Go By, Family, & How Nurturing Children and Their Experiences Might Alter Family DNA

I can't seem to get everything written that I want to, not even close, not even a little bit.

Days are filled with laughter and craziness. Days are filled with hilarious children and also screaming children. Days are filled with fun and also hard work. Days are filled with stress and also peace. Days are filled with boredom and excitement, laundry, and an army of hungry kids. Days and nights are filled with nursing a hungry, sweet, bright eyed baby. (I'm in total awe of her and I smell and kiss her all of the time. It's as if I've never had a baby before. I just look at her totally amazed she came from *us.*) Days are filled with temper tantrums --both mine and the kids'. Days are filled with appreciation for many blessings, and days are filled with too much to do.

I wish I could remember all of the things I wanted to write over this past week...or three. But I at least remember laughter and silliness, I remember hilarious kids, I remember family time, I remember Penelope's excitement and fabulous joy as she discovered she can touch the pool bottom now --and swim without floaties. I remember a lot of love and friendship between family. I remember thinking to myself...it's always been this way in my life, whether I knew it at the time or not. What a blessing.

I remember wanting to write about the simple lovely images I tried hard to burn into my mind last week... my grandma cutting watermelon, my aunt who made cupcakes for the kids to decorate, the kids playing games, the refreshing swimming pool, Aunt Sharon cooking up a storm, Aunt Holly's wit, good company and helpfulness, Echo's helpful and friendly presence. We look forward to July every year. I want to hold onto those memories because the years seem to roll on too fast and it scares me.

As I watched the kids playing and visiting with family I looked on and carefully listened as our aunts, uncles, and grandma talked and played with the kids. Even the youngest ones are allowed to help cook and water plants when they ask. I notice they bring the kids along to feed the hummingbirds or let them have the hose to water plants and many other things. The children are included so much in everything we all do. It was this moment I realized that I was destined to be a good mother, I didn't know it at age 7 or 12 or 16 ... but I was destined to be a loving person, and I was destined to be happy. I believe it is because of my family. When children are shown love and joy they carry it with them.

Including the youngest kids in the simplest things, talking to them, and spending time with them teaches an important lesson: be kind to children. I notice that when I'm stressed, short tempered, or angry at the younger kids in our household the older kids act that way to them too. When I'm calm,  respectful, patient and sensitive to them and I treat them like the innocent small human beings that they are the older kids act the same.

I watch the whole cycle start again as Charlotte (16) patiently takes Everett (2) with her to gather eggs and feed the chickens. My Aunt Sharon used to take me to feed my Grandma's chickens at that age.

Charlotte lets Penelope 'be on her team to play 'big kid games' even though it takes longer and Penelope might make “wrong” choices. Penelope feels special and has so much fun. Sage and Ethan also include the younger kids in far more things and are far more patient than I could have imagined.

I vividly remember being on grown up 'teams' when I was young, even when the game didn't require teams. It's one of the nicest and inclusive things you can do for a child; make them feel important and equal and 'big.' I didn't tell her to include Penelope, she just did. It's just what you do in a family: include, love, enjoy. I'm lucky to have had a long line of nurturing family members with various talents, interests, hobbies...all with a wild and wacky sense of humor and love of children.

Then I look at my husband: patient and nurturing, kind and honest. He's hardworking, humble and unselfish. Just like his parents.

 As I wrote this blog post this fascinating article came across my desk "Grandma's Experiences Leave a Mark on Your Genes" 
I'll be sharing it with my children. We tell them all the time how various things we do can help or hurt babies and kids.

According to the new insights of behavioral epigenetics, traumatic experiences in our past, or in our recent ancestors’ past, leave molecular scars adhering to our DNA. Jews whose great-grandparents were chased from their Russian shtetls; Chinese whose grandparents lived through the ravages of the Cultural Revolution; young immigrants from Africa whose parents survived massacres; adults of every ethnicity who grew up with alcoholic or abusive parents — all carry with them more than just memories. 

"...our experiences, and those of our forebears, are never gone, even if they have been forgotten. They become a part of us, a molecular residue holding fast to our genetic scaffolding. The DNA remains the same, but psychological and behavioral tendencies are inherited. You might have inherited not just your grandmother’s knobby knees, but also her predisposition toward depression caused by the neglect she suffered as a newborn.  Or not. If your grandmother was adopted by nurturing parents, you might be enjoying the boost she received thanks to their love and support. The mechanisms of behavioral epigenetics underlie not only deficits and weaknesses but strengths and resiliencies, too."

 I've long known that excessive crying is not good for babies.

Research has shown that infants who are routinely separated from parents in a stressful way have abnormally high levels of the stress hormone cortisol, as well as lower growth hormone levels. These imbalances inhibit the development of nerve tissue in the brain, suppress growth, and depress the immune system. 5, 9, 11, 16 

Dr. Bruce Perry’s research at Baylor University may explain this finding. He found when chronic stress over-stimulates an infant’s brain stem (the part of the brain that controls adrenaline release), and the portions of the brain that thrive on physical and emotional input are neglected (such as when a baby is repeatedly left to cry alone), the child will grow up with an over-active adrenaline system. Such a child will display increased aggression, impulsivity, and violence later in life because the brainstem floods the body with adrenaline and other stress hormones at inappropriate and frequent times. 

         Science Says: Excessive Crying Could Be Harmful

 Science tells us that when babies cry alone and unattended, they experience panic and anxiety. Their bodies and brains are flooded with adrenaline and cortisol stress hormones. Science has also found that when developing brain tissue is exposed to these hormones for prolonged periods these nerves won’t form connections to other nerves and will degenerate. Is it therefore possible that infants who endure many nights or weeks of crying-it-out alone are actually suffering harmful neurologic effects that may have permanent implications on the development of sections of their brain? Here is how science answers this alarming question:Chemical and hormonal imbalances in the brain
Research has shown that infants who are routinely separated from parents in a stressful way have abnormally high levels of the stress hormone cortisol, as well as lower growth hormone levels. These imbalances inhibit the development of nerve tissue in the brain, suppress growth, and depress the immune system. 5, 9, 11, 16
Researchers at Yale University and Harvard Medical School found that intense stress early in life can alter the brain’s neurotransmitter systems and cause structural and functional changes in regions of the brain similar to those seen in adults with depression. 17
One study showed infants who experienced persistent crying episodes were 10 times more likely to have ADHD as a child, along with poor school performance and antisocial behavior. The researchers concluded these findings may be due to the lack of responsive attitude of the parents toward their babies. 14.
Dr. Bruce Perry’s research at Baylor University may explain this finding. He found when chronic stress over-stimulates an infant’s brain stem (the part of the brain that controls adrenaline release), and the portions of the brain that thrive on physical and emotional input are neglected (such as when a baby is repeatedly left to cry alone), the child will grow up with an over-active adrenaline system. Such a child will display increased aggression, impulsivity, and violence later in life because the brainstem floods the body with adrenaline and other stress hormones at inappropriate and frequent times. 6
Dr. Allan Schore of the UCLA School of Medicine has demonstrated that the stress hormone cortisol (which floods the brain during intense crying and other stressful events) actually destroys nerve connections in critical portions of an infant’s developing brain. In addition, when the portions of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional control are not stimulated during infancy (as may occur when a baby is repeatedly neglected) these sections of the brain will not develop. The result – a violent, impulsive, emotionally unattached child. He concludes that the sensitivity and responsiveness of a parent stimulates and shapes the nerve connections in key sections of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional well-being. 7, 8
Decreased intellectual, emotional, and social development
Infant developmental specialist Dr. Michael Lewis presented research findings at an American Academy of Pediatrics meeting, concluding that “the single most important influence of a child’s intellectual development is the responsiveness of the mother to the cues of her baby.”
Researchers have found babies whose cries are usually ignored will not develop healthy intellectual and social skills. 19
Dr. Rao and colleagues at the National Institutes of Health showed that infants with prolonged crying (but not due to colic) in the first 3 months of life had an average IQ 9 points lower at 5 years of age. They also showed poor fine motor development. (2)
Researchers at Pennsylvania State and Arizona State Universities found that infants with excessive crying during the early months showed more difficulty controlling their emotions and became even fussier when parents tried to consol them at 10 months. 15
Other research has shown that these babies have a more annoying quality to their cry, are more clingy during the day, and take longer to become independent as children 1.
Harmful physiologic changes
Animal and human research has shown when separated from parents, infants and children show unstable temperatures, heart arrhythmias, and decreased REM sleep (the stage of sleep that promotes brain development). 10 12, 13
Dr. Brazy at Duke University and Ludington-Hoe and colleagues at Case Western University showed in 2 separate studies how prolonged crying in infants causes increased blood pressure in the brain, elevates stress hormones, obstructs blood from draining out of the brain, and decreases oxygenation to the brain. They concluded that caregivers should answer cries swiftly, consistently, and comprehensively. (3) and (4)

1. P. Heron, “Non-Reactive Cosleeping and Child Behavior: Getting a Good Night’s Sleep All Night, Every Night,” Master’s thesis, Department of Psychology, University of Bristol, 1994.
2. M R Rao, et al; Long Term Cognitive Development in Children with Prolonged Crying, National Institutes of Health, Archives of Disease in Childhood 2004; 89:989-992.
3. J pediatrics 1988 Brazy, J E. Mar 112 (3): 457-61. Duke University
4. Ludington-Hoe SM, Case Western U, Neonatal Network 2002 Mar; 21(2): 29-36
5. Butler, S R, et al. Maternal Behavior as a Regulator of Polyamine Biosynthesis in Brain and Heart of Developing Rat Pups. Science 1978, 199:445-447.
6. Perry, B. (1997), “Incubated in Terror: Neurodevelopmental Factors in the Cycle of Violence,” Children in a Violent Society, Guilford Press, New York.
7. Schore, A.N. (1996), “The Experience-Dependent Maturation of a Regulatory System in the Orbital Prefrontal Cortex and the Origen of Developmental Psychopathology,” Development and Psychopathology 8: 59 – 87.
8. Karr-Morse, R, Wiley, M. Interview With Dr. Allan Schore, Ghosts From the Nursery, 1997, pg 200.
9. Kuhn, C M, et al. Selective Depression of Serum Growth Hormone During Maternal Deprivation in Rat Pups. Science 1978, 201:1035-1036.
10. Hollenbeck, A R, et al. Children with Serious Illness: Behavioral Correlates of Separation and Solution. Child Psychiatry and Human Development 1980, 11:3-11.
11. Coe, C L, et al. Endocrine and Immune Responses to Separation and Maternal Loss in Non-Human Primates. The Psychology of Attachment and Separation, ed. M Reite and T Fields, 1985. Pg. 163-199. New York: Academic Press.
12. Rosenblum and Moltz, The Mother-Infant Interaction as a Regulator of Infant Physiology and Behavior. In Symbiosis in Parent-Offspring Interactions, New York: Plenum, 1983.
13. Hofer, M and H. Shair, Control of Sleep-Wake States in the Infant Rat by Features of the Mother-Infant Relationship. Developmental Psychobiology, 1982, 15:229-243.
14. Wolke, D, et al, Persistent Infant Crying and Hyperactivity Problems in Middle Childhood, Pediatrics, 2002; 109:1054-1060.
15. Stifter and Spinrad, The Effect of Excessive Crying on the Development of Emotion Regulation, Infancy, 2002; 3(2), 133-152.
16. Ahnert L, et al, Transition to Child Care: Associations with Infant-mother Attachment, Infant Negative Emotion, and Cortisol Elevations, Child Development, 2004, May-June; 75(3):649-650.
17. Kaufman J, Charney D. Effects of Early Stress on Brain Structure and Function: Implications for Understanding the Relationship Between Child Maltreatment and Depression, Developmental Psychopathology, 2001 Summer; 13(3):451-471.
18. Teicher MH et al, The Neurobiological Consequences of Early Stress and Childhood Maltreatment, Neuroscience Biobehavior Review 2003, Jan-Mar; 27(1-2):33-44.
19. Leiberman, A. F., & Zeanah, H., Disorders of Attachment in Infancy, Infant Psychiatry 1995, 4:571-587. 

Newborn With a Fever

Our newborn had a fever. She seemed different too. I described her as “not well” which when it comes to a newborn that means we need to think about going to the Dr. or hospital. Thankfully the not well look wore off quickly and she started acting better within an hour or so. We soon noticed she had gas for a bit and that's what seemed to make her act "not well." She never cried or screamed, but she moaned and fussed. Once the gas was out she settled down and we took her to bed thinking we might be at the ER by morning because of the low grade fever. By morning she seemed comfortable but the fever had spiked to 101.7, we think. We weren't sure the thermometer we were using was correct. She also hadn't nursed in 5 hours. I cried and we started packing hospital bags, diapers, cell phones, laptops. Over the course of that time she finally ate and looked very well and happy. She opened her eyes a lot, followed us with her eyes, watched us and just overall looked happy. I realized at that moment how well I knew her in just 11 days. I knew what was normal for her, I knew what she liked, I knew how she wanted to be held, how often she ate and wet, what her poop looked like, what facial expressions are normal for her, how and what time of day she wanted swaddled. I knew how to lay her down so she was comfy and I knew how to burp her best. When other people see my newborn they see a small sweet infant that needs cared for, I see a baby who I've bonded with and who I know with my soul. She just did not seem sick enough for an ER visit. The thought of handing her over was agonizing and it seemed extreme. We couldn't fathom our healthy, breastfed, alert baby going through those tests needlessly. Her temp slipped down a little again; it still in the "go to ER range" but not very high... we waited. 

Aunt Sharon and Grandma came and got the other kids so that we could go to the hospital immediately if needed. We were so thankful for the peace and quiet during such a stressful situation. They thought the baby looked great too and even Grandma, a former nurse, supported our decision to wait it out a bit longer.

Ricky went to the store three different times over the day: to buy a rectal thermometer, an ear thermometer and then finally a breast pump. (I wanted to pump off some foremilk in case too much was making her gassy, it seemed to help.) Ear thermometers aren't thought to be reliable with infants but we found it was. Rectal temp has a higher reading than other means of temp taking but is considered best for newborns. We took those things into consideration when deciding how high her fever was. We poured over webpages of medical advice about fever, meningitis, ER visits with newborns, and personal testimony from parents. Of course for as many stories that said ‘we took our baby in, and she had meningitis’ there were just as many stories saying it was horrible ‘they put our baby through hell and back with invasive testing and never found anything wrong.’ Better safe than sorry is a great rule of thumb when it comes to your kids, but common sense and instinct are also tools we use. So we had big decisions to make.

We have long known a newborn with a temp of 100.4 or higher is cause for concern and generally warrants an automatic ER visit. Taking her to our family Dr. would yield the same recommendation; take her to the ER because if she has a fever certain things are ruled out by testing --but she’s probably okay. We know that once in the ER nearly all babies under 3 months old and all babies (neonates) under 28 days old are automatically given a spinal tap, complete blood work up and a urine test (usually by a catheter). This is then followed by a standard 72 hour hospital stay and antibiotics. If we went in we knew we had to be ready for all of that.

It’s so hard to be an educated, involved, clear thinking, decision making parent in a sea of uneducated parents and a one size fits all health care model. Parents like us are sometimes bullied into things and threatened with social services for going against medical advice. We’ve always been very fortunate and had good professional health care givers, but you never know. So we sat at home counting every wet diaper, each time she nursed, every sound she made, every poop and every coo. We even counted how many hours she slept, all very diligently. There wasn’t a noise or movement she made that we weren’t hearing and seeing. Our bags were packed just in case.

Her fever kept going down all day. It spiked back up once or twice but not too bad. I’d get upset and scared when she wouldn’t wake to nurse, but within minutes of my tears and self-doubt starting up she’d latch on, wake up, eat, pass gas while briefly fussy, look around at us for a while, wet a diaper and then we’d do it all over again.

I noticed over hours of searching that I could not find anything online reassuring about staying home and observing a young baby before heading to the hospital. I didn’t find hardly any parents talking about fever, newborns, or medical choices, let alone very many questions regarding the invasiveness of routine “mandatory” procedures.

Her fever finally stayed steady between 100.3 and 100.5. She was doing great and it climbed down from there. Ricky and I collapsed into bed relieved. We looked at her so peaceful and healthy looking. Ricky mentioned how sick she'd look if she was hooked up to wires in the hospital and crying. We were so relieved we hadn't gone in yet.

Overnight her low fever left and she was eating and waking every 2-3 hours again, instead of every 3-4 hours. She’s been fine since.

 Worth mentioning in case other parents are stumbling across my blog looking for illness information:

The degree of fever is not always a good indicator on how sick someone is. In the case of meningitis it is just something to go off of. It’s a warning sign. That is why they say to go to the hospital, so they can monitor the child and get tests running. Meningitis is rare but there’s a lot at stake and babies can go downhill quickly. The absence of these serious symptoms: stiff neck, bulging soft spot, screaming/crying, not wanting to be held made us very confident about staying home but the “what if” thoughts did keep coming. Generally it's hard to tell how a newborn is -especially if they are sleeping. Our baby was waking and alert every 4 hours and wanting to be held and talked to so we luckily had that to go off of. In addition breastfeeding gives babies a huge advantage over illness so if she wasn't getting antibodies and gut protection via colostrum and breast milk we would have been a lot more worried as well. But we were still plennnnnty worried! We find new experiences, new scares, new joys, and new challenges with every new child we have!

Links added later:
When a trip to the hospital brings a visit from CPS

Spinal Taps Carry Higher Risks For Infants And Elderly, Study Shows   
An X-ray-guided spinal tap procedure fails more than half of the time in young infants and should be used sparingly, if at all, for those patients, according to a new study.