Last night at about 6pm I accidentally read the full police report online. I hadn't intended to, but as I was skimming it online and looking for answers I just could not stop reading. When I was done I burst into tears and sobbed until my husband got home from work. He found me in bed sobbing deep uncontrollable sobs. I felt like the world was crashing down around me as I tried to wrap my head around such horror. I felt like air was being squeezed out of me, like how you feel when some one you love has died.
Children being abused hurts me greatly, but there are a couple reasons this one hit me so hard. It happened just a few hours after I wrote about keeping our cool with Sebastian. An attitude problem with him occurred that could entice the type of anger that some parents hit, spank or beat kids over. In my blog I actually said, "I love NOT HITTING my three year old..."
Sebastian is the exact same age as Blake; whenever you have a point of reference with your child and a victim it hits you extra, extra hard. Blake was brutally beaten and killed by a monster and it wasn't the first time he was beaten. His sister had a broken wrist and multiple injuries/bruises from God knows when, which was discovered when the boy was finally taken to the hospital. She was missing a patch of hair, too.
It just makes me so, so sad. People DO NOT understand children. This is especially true when the child does not belong to you. Something has to be done about the anger adults carry while they care for children. I think it should be common practice and well accepted for parents and caregivers to take anger management classes. The classes should be specially designated for getting through the hard times of children under age eight. Babies, toddlers and children are not "bad." They are little people who want what any adult wants: to be loved, to be respected, to be listened to, to not be pushed around, to not be hit, to be free. I have been interested in teaching newborn and toddler care classes for a very long time and still think about it often.
It can be extremely frustrating dealing with children, but the the anger people carry is pure selfishness.
Reading the recent news report again makes me so sick and sad. I just want to take little Blake Litton and his sister home with me. I just wish I could have known and somehow convinced those horrible people to let us take them into our home. Why do people hate children to the point that they kill them? How can this happen in a civilized society? All because children cry and have accidents in their pants? It's beyond comprehendable.
Maybe I'm weak, maybe I'm overly sensitive, maybe these stories are so horrible they pass through the news quickly with only a glance because we don't want to acknowledge humans are killing little kids. It hurts to think about it, but I can't stop, 5+ kids DIE everyday from child abuse. This chart makes me desperately sorrowful.
|Blake Evan Litton|
Last night I went to bed thinking about Blake and woke up this morning thinking about Blake. I just can't stop being sad for this little boy. I love this toddler more than his mother. In general I find myself wondering about parents who kill their children. What they said, did, or felt when they held their baby for the first time. I wonder if they kissed their feet and played peek a boo and laughed with joy like I do. Did it ever happen once? Did they ever feel that pure love feeling once? No they just couldn't have. There's no way for one second Blake's mother ever looked at her child and felt the way I feel about mine, and then let her boyfriend beat them. I don't see how it's humanly possible to be such a monster if you ever really loved your child. (I read online, unconfirmed, that she's had three other children taken from her care)
I'm going to hold a vigil this Wednesday evening for him and talk to our kids about child abuse before hand. I thought we'd place candles and stuffed animals by the road. I just don't know what else I can do for this child or my heart - it hurts.
I sat with our four littlest kids on the couch today for hours. We *played building brains, *love sandwich, *I am, we hummed together in harmony, we sang, we tickled, we laughed. Every kid deserves that kind of childhood. They just do.
*made up games I should write about some time