Working through the fits... without hitting our treasure of a little boy

Sebastian is a fierce, tough, man-boy. He's very, very dependent, very confident, and he has an ego to take care of. All of this makes dealing with him and his fiery personality very, very trying! He's the poster child for "boy." He is the stereotype toy companies are selling to when they make building toys, tools, trucks, cars, swords, plastic guns, plastic knives, and mini John Deere ride-on's. My kid was born the stereotype, and he's adorable. This kid has his own set of real tools and could use a screw gun and a hand saw by himself at exactly three years old. He's my little dude. He was just born this way. Apparently he was born with my childhood temper as well. I know because in time-out the other day he dumped the contents of my desk onto the floor as well as lots of folded clothes waiting to be put away. He also hit a picture off the wall and the glass in the picture popped out.

I took a picture to show him later so we could talk about it when he was calm.

Little turd even knocked the chair over

Tonight Penelope was taking pictures with my camera when Sebastian decided he wanted a turn. He tried to take the camera, he threw a fit, he yelled. We tried to reason with him to wait for a turn but he just didn't want to take a turn. He had been happily playing "pirate" and was in a great mood but suddenly he was just caught in one of his real defiant moods. He wanted the camera and he didn't care who he hurt along the way to get it. I put him on the bed in our room and told him to sit; he wouldn't sit and started yelling so I held him against his will. He screamed, yelled, and freaked out. I gave him space but he continued to yell. I left the room and Ricky took over for a minute. He told Ricky to leave and Ricky said what we always say to that, "It's our room we aren't leaving, you can go to your room if you want though." He kept freaking out. (We've tried leaving; it never helps he just throws stuff.)

So at this point; Choice 1: We can either spank which does nothing but frighten, and it also makes kids feel weak and us look like big bad asses (in every sense of the word). Choice 2:  We can look for an opportunity or a way to get him out of the completely insane, uncontrollable, anger-fit he is having so at some point we can have a rational discussion about what happened with the camera (which has long been forgotten about in the fits of anger).

Quickly it became a face to face battle of Sebastian screaming and Ricky telling him we weren't leaving the room because he hurts our room. Sebastian was SO mad he started verbally threatening our bedroom, he said, "I'll knock down your pictures!" Ricky sternly said, "NO! You WILL NOT." Sebastian and his dad then had a stare down. Sebastian's blue eyes gleamed with defiance. When Ricky didn't blink or say a word Sebastian closed his eyes and thought a moment; when he mustered up the nerve he opened his eyes slowly and then blinked three times before opening his mouth, then Sebastian said, as if saying the most important thing ever in his short life, "Yes. I . Will."

He was confident, he was cool, he was serious.
So at this point we beat 'em till they know who's the boss, right?

Wrong! :)

I actualy started to crack up cupping my hand to my face; Ricky hears me and his straight face starts to quiver until his teeth show and a tiny laugh sound comes out. We run to the next room to compose ourselves and just laugh with each other.

I had no idea Penelope was still snapping photos but Ricky told me she brilliantly snapped a photo the second after Ricky and I took off into the other room to laugh and regroup.

Ricky sat on the couch and I returned to Sebastian without a plan. He was slightly calmer (no yelling) -his dad and I broke the ice with our laughter I'm sure. Sebastian not knowing what to think or do looked at me sadly. He looked tired. I felt an impulse and went with it.  I exclaimed, "Wow Sebastian, you are the bravest kid ever. You acted brave and tough and strong for what you believed in just now." He looked at me with a mixture of surprise, pride, and relief. He cracked a very small smile. We hugged sweetly and then went in the living room to finish watching America's Funniest Home Videos with the family. Sebastian crawled right up on his dad's lap and we all snuggled down.

After the show was over Sebastian asked about a turn with the camera. We told him no because of the fit he had. He paused and then said, "Ok."

Three year olds can be hard work...but they are worth it.

 I love NOT HITTING my three year old...

even if he is an ol' scurvy dog.