Life With Nine Kids

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Not Being Pregnant This Year

  I've been in a thought process of writing about not being pregnant for months now. Usually I'm pregnant by now. Since 2004 I've had a baby every even numbered year. This year we broke that pattern as there is no 2012 baby on the way. The reason I want to write about it is because it's significant and my thoughts on this will be interesting to both me and my children in the future. The reason I haven't written about it is because I'm not sure what to say. I also probably haven't written because we keep our fertility a private topic anyway. It's not really the business of anyone. If people act like it's good I'm not pregnant I get offended, if people act over curious about us getting pregnant I feel they don't understand how expensive having a big family is. In general I'm happier if people act supportive of us just having as many as we want and make no assumptions. I've never written very much about us having kids or not having kids before. Sure, I announce pregnancies and I have obvious joy when writing about our family -that's mostly just it though. Not having a baby this year is still a significant milestone for our family though and I do in fact notice that this summer I am not sporting a round happy baby belly. I'm neither very sad or glad about it. I'm just a busy in love woman and mama who loves her husband, her home, babies, kids, hobby farming, and dreaming up big ideas. For that I'm grateful.

  We mostly talk like we aren't having anymore kids. The entire household of kids wants us to have more kids, which is really cute. But, we feel like adding another baby right now would be way too many little kids; back to back little ones is A LOT of work. We honestly welcome the "break." I also enjoy knowing that *if* I were to get pregnant we'd be happy as could be about it. That's probably why I don't tell people things like "we're done" or "we don't want any more kids." We both agree that we'd have more kids if the food budget was more manageable (and a couple other things were different). Saving for retirement has been put on our top priority list (next to just simply raising the 7 kids we do have). I don't feel like we stopped having kids because we are "done." This became more apparent to me when my loving husband said to me one day, "Shauna, I don't think we'd ever be done."

I Love that. I can live with that thought. We aren't ever done. We just have enough for now, and maybe for always. (And absolutely we think about adoption and fostering )

Big life changes are hard sometimes, and this one is. However, seeing the older kids grow into wonderful, kind people is getting more rewarding each day. And day dreaming about peace and quiet and travel with my best friend and love makes me swoon. One day we'll be cozy-ed up alone in our own vintage travel trailer and life will be still be so good. We'll still hold hands when we fall asleep. We'll still have seven great kids and they will be off living seven great lives....and grandchildren will fill us with joy.

  I still sometimes want twins though. Layla says we'll have twins. Grandma Wanda has dreams that I have twin girls. I probably won't have any more kids let alone twins, but I'll probably never have half things I day dream about. And that's okay.
We trust that our life will grow in the direction it needs and which is best for our marriage and family. Going with the flow, faith and *believing* in us has never failed us. I'll tell you though, my husband is a smart, smart man. He'd never tell me I couldn't have another baby. He'll always entertain the idea of having another baby even if it's just occasionally, and even if he's not seriously considering it. For he knows deep inside of me a fire burns for creating life and love, and he'd never crush that. For that I thank him. Telling me I can't do something only makes me want it more. Telling me 'yes we could have another' but with reservations makes me come to my senses very quickly. We work together really well like that; we always have and always will.

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