Life With Nine Kids

Thursday, May 20, 2010

To be a nag

I really appreciate the comments that trickle in here. My apologies for not responding. I really am just busy, I always mean to respond to everyone that comments or emails me. I'm so busy in fact I've failed to even update our family photo with kiddo number six, Sebastian. And now we already await our 7th :)

I've cut out nearly all my Internet time to tend to my family and take care of my house and yard/garden. I miss blogging, I miss my website and I miss just being online! I could get a lot more done faster but Sebastian (21 months) wants to hang out with mommy A LOT an carting him around is tiring and sometimes impossible. It's ok; he gets lots of playtime on the floor with mommy which builds his little brain and teaches him a lot. When he's busy with the older kids I scamper to get something done. He LOVES his siblings. I also put him in a sling on my back, but that is getting heavy. He is a solid little boy.

I can't even seem to do things that are more important than just getting online. Like mailing cards to family, keeping in touch with people, helping others, volunteering, Etc. It's an amazing amount of work taking care of a large family.

The little kids are getting to be a challenge. They are busy, tear up everything, have many needs and keep me scrambling. Penelope (3) is always hungry, Sebastian (21 months) is always taking something apart and Layla (5) is always looking for something new to do.

The big kids seem to bicker so much. Sometimes I say they bicker non-stop, but that's not always true. They are good kids but they are a lot of work too. My main responsibility (besides homeschooling stuff) with them seems to be working on their communication with each other. They are so hard on each other, so picky and so fussy.

I tend to be a fussy mom. I want things in order and I expect a lot. I have been known to fuss and nag :(
I'm not rigid but I won't be walked on, I won't do EVERYTHING and I expect at least a couple hours of help a day from each kid. Help could be gardening, younger child helper, cooking, chores, yard word, Etc. Usually it's not a problem. I'm trying to be less fussy though... in case my fussiness has rubbed on them and they are now in return being fussy with each other. I'm no longer complaining about blueberries on the kitchen floor; I just ask it to be cleaned up. I'm trying not to complain that someone isn't doing xyz; instead I ask nicely. It seems to be helping my nagging, not sure if it will help the kids fussiness with each other. The verdict is still out on that. I think it will help. Parents bleed attitude onto their children. I need to nip this now! They will act how I act eventually. Besides I don't need to complain in my house! I have a family who is always willing to help. I just get tired of asking for help so I find myself tired and ranty about something and complain that no one is doing xyz. Well that's just the thing; I'm the leader. I'm the house manager. I'm the planner. I have to lead the house into being tidy and orderly because no one else will do it (nor do they want to!). And, no matter how sick of it I am I still have to 'go to work'. Doing my work doesn't just entail raising, homeschooling, cooking for, bathing and helping kids. It also includes figuring out how to keep the walls standing of my house when 9 people stampede through it. (the 9th person in our household isn't born yet, however. :)

Speaking of the 9th person, the 7th kiddo! We are so excited.

Anyhow a quote reminded me of something I should apply to household work. The quote is from Dave Ramsey: "Employees will tolerate a boss, but will follow a leader".

Now my kids aren't employees, but they do have jobs to do and responsibilities to uphold. For the greater good of themselves and of the household they have responsibility. I am the "boss" cause I am the one, whether I like it or not, that sets the rules, chores, homework, standards, Etc. for the household. My husband helps some too of course, but he is at work a the ins-and-outs of the household fall mostly on me. So I'm "boss." Now, how do I want to run with that position? With kids that tolerate me or kids that follow me?

Follow. And that is why I working on being a great leader as a mom.


tansy said...

congratulations on baby #7. i hope 1-6 are allowing you a bit of a rest now and then!

for me, the worst time of the year is winter and dark rainy days when no one wants to go outside. then the kids are really at each other's throats. nice days i almost forget i have sage as he high tails it out to the pasture to play with the toads and goats, lol. the others scatter out there as well except for jaden who is in training to be a princess. :D but hey, she loves homeschooling and would sit with me 8 hours a day or more if i let her.

it is a huge amount of work to head such a large bunch! things do have to give whether you want them to or not. i am forcing myself to let go of most of our goats and sheep because of this. there just aren't enough hours in the day!

i've seen a lot of the parroting of my actions through the kids. boy, it sure is an eye opener at times, isn't it! sounds like you are off to a good start getting them to have better attitudes! i hope the fussiness goes away soon.

Claudia said...

kids are great mirrors, and sometimes the reflection isn't what you've expected to be;-) Can be hard to be a leader instead of a boss. But same here, although I only have 3 kids.

Greetings from the Netherlands :-)

Claire Cramer said...

Great post, always good to hear from you. I can't imagine how busy you must be! I think your idea is sound and I hope that the bickering dies down a bit as the children get older. :)

Natalia said...

I followed you here from your comment on my old big family photo blog--thanks! It sounds like we have a LOT in common! Even on the internet I don't know anyone as into similar vintage stuff as I am, especially who also has a bigger family. I had an entire vintage kitchen set up in our rental suite at one point! ;) (Well, the cupboards/large appliance were vintage--we don't have that much money!)

We are in town but with an older size lot and my dh finally built me a lovely deep raised bed so I have gone a little crazy with gardening this year. Grew up in the country so it's a given for me, though my gardens have rarely done very well in town.

I'm a new subscriber to your blog now, and looking forward to hearing more as you have time.

Mom of a Half Dozen Kids said...

Thanks for all the comments and support here! I'm really enjoying them!!

Natalia said...

.......oops, I intended to write "cupboards/large appliances *weren't* vintage--we don't have that much money!"