Life With Nine Kids

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Will our children ever know how much we love them?


It is something that I accept as being a mother. It's heart wrenchingly beautiful. He will never know how much I love him and he will never love me more than he does right now.

Happy 7th month Everett... the light of my life, love of my world, smile to my heart


Vita said...

Aww it makes me tear up when you say theyll never love us as much as they do right now. evie has been giving me slobbery open mouth kisses with giggles, and is starting to say mama. love your updates. :)

Mom of a Half Dozen Kids said...

Hi Vita! I just went to LJ Wed night and got caught up with you!! :)
My friend Kim told me today, "You know what, I bet he WILL know how much - you're the kind of mom who makes it abundantly clear :)"

I hope that's true. I know my comment is sad. It made me tear up to write it. I have many kids and so with that many experiences. I have two kids in particular that have been hard on me. I don't get that love in return from them. One of them I did until his biological dad left him in shambles and he was forever crushed at only 9 months old. He shut me out. Another child, Layla, was never giving to me. She took and still takes every bit of love, patience, understanding from me and gives me very little in return. It's exhausting. I love my children so much that it hurts inside. When they don't outwardly love me back it's painful. And I have a two year old (every two years I have ANOTHER two year old LOL). Oh that experience sometimes leaves you with so much back and forth love! I want you, no I don't, you're mean. Wait, I want you, hold me, leave me alone ... LOL. Now I'm going to scream, cry, hit ... now love me more. I don't want you, now sleep next to me. LOL. I love two year olds, I really do but it's when they are two you see how much they take you for granted!!! lol!

But the baby thing... Everett loving me more now tan he ever will is pretty much true. I'm his food, warmth security. I'm everything to him. I won't always be. I kiss and smell his head and can't help to think he'll be a big grown man one day. He won't need his mommy and he'll never know how much I love him. How I'd die for him. How he is just my whole world. And one day he'll "belong" to some one --and they will think they love him more than me. What about any of those things doesn't make a person cry!!!? *cry* :D

This kind of love is amazing. I LOVE slobbery baby kisss. LOVE LOVE LOVE.
Congrats on the 6 month nursing milestone :) Good for you. I know what it takes to have to go back to work and pump. I haven't done it, but I've seen it. It's a whole other accomplishment in itself. You should be very proud. :)